I don't like living in my fraternity, and I kind of want to leave.

[the_greek]

I posted this before but I just want more feedback. I just moved into my fraternity this semester, and I'm starting to feel like I made the wrong choice. I feel like I don't fit with my brothers, and sometimes I feel as if they are not really a brother to me. I got initiated last semester, and I'm really starting to wonder if I made the right choice about joining. I think I am going through some kind of depression, and its other things going on as well but I feel like the fraternity kind of adds to it a bit. I feel like I have trapped myself and if I made the wrong decision then I'm fucked.

I'm not the ball buster type, I cant be a dick to someone just because. I feel like im not respected in the house, and I kind of want to leave. Does anyone else feel the same way.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Dude, you got answers already. Posting again won't get you different responses. If you think you are suffering from depression, you should seriously consider seeing somebody professional to help, not ask a bunch of strangers on the interwebs what to do.

[DubaiSis]

I read this as you didn't join the unicorns pooping rainbows fraternity. I'm not sure what you thought was going to happen, but my guess is most of the time it's just a bunch of guys who live together and occasionally there are meetings and parties. Some of the guys are great friends with each other, and you haven't developed any relationships like that yet. Suck it up! Get involved, play along, be nice. If at the end of the semester it's not better (it's STILL not going to be all hearts and flowers), then don't move back in next fall. But you're a grown up now. It's time to deal with your commitments.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Dude, you got answers already. Posting again won't get you different responses. If you think you are suffering from depression, you should seriously consider seeing somebody professional to help, not ask a bunch of strangers on the interwebs what to do.

Seriously, why bother with giving advice to people when they don't even bother to read it?

OP - go find a counselor and get some help (because the internet is NOT the place for therapy) or figure out how to move out/quit. Those are your choices. Good luck.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by the_greek

I posted this before but I just want more feedback. I just moved into my fraternity this semester, and I'm starting to feel like I made the wrong choice. I feel like I don't fit with my brothers, and sometimes I feel as if they are not really a brother to me. I got initiated last semester, and I'm really starting to wonder if I made the right choice about joining. I think I am going through some kind of depression, and its other things going on as well but I feel like the fraternity kind of adds to it a bit. I feel like I have trapped myself and if I made the wrong decision then I'm fucked.

I'm not the ball buster type, I cant be a dick to someone just because. I feel like im not respected in the house, and I kind of want to leave. Does anyone else feel the same way.

Plenty of people experience buyer's remorse the semester after they join. It doesn't matter if your group was your top choice or your last. Most everyone goes through this at various points in their membership. Second semester is most common.

Why is this? When you're a new member, everything is exciting and new and it seems like the initiated members take the lead in getting to know you. Then you are initiated and suddenly, you're just like everyone else. It's sort of a letdown. In addition, I've always said that Going Greek is like dating. People are on their best behavior at the beginning, and as time goes on they let their guard down and act more like their true selves. You also get to know them better and see them for who they really are.

So what do you do when you experience this buyer's remorse? You can approach this in three ways.

First, you can make an effort to get really involved. People who do this find that the more effort they put in, the more they enjoy the experience.

Second, you can do nothing. Others are so convinced that they are miserable that they just like to complain. That's not much of a solution because you're just treading water and not feeling any better.

Third, you can leave. No one is forcing you to remain in the fraternity. You can always resign your membership and/or break your lease.

So which one will you be? It's going to be hard to find mid-semester housing, so how about making an effort to get involved and get to know the guys better? You can reevaluate whether you want to be in the fraternity over the summer before you have to go back to school. Meanwhile, volunteer to take things on, like helping with a philanthropy event. And be cognizant of the fact that hanging around your house all the time (fraternity house or apartment with roommates) can drive you batty. Study at the library, work out at the gym, and have non-fraternity time. Make sure you are balancing time out of the house and also taking the time to get to know your housemates and making an effort to get involved as a member of the chapter.

If you truly feel depressed, you should seek counseling. Mental illness is a real disease, and often the symptoms do not manifest until your 20s. I hope you'll take advantage of the mental health services on your camps. You don't have to feel this way. If you had a hole in your lung, you'd seek medical attention. Please treat this the same way.