Depressed/possible suicidal sister

ZTAOnlytheBest · #1 07-08-2012, 11:18 AM

Hey everyone. What would you do if you thought one of your sisters was depressed and even suicidal, but while you're friends with her, you're not best friends or anything?

SWTXBelle · #2 07-08-2012, 11:21 AM

DO NOT WAIT - if you don't feel comfortable talking to her, get a sister who is closer to her to talk to her.

33girl · #3 07-08-2012, 11:23 AM

What is it that makes you think she may be suicidal?

Does she have close friends in the chapter - her big, roommate or someone else?

thetalady · #4 07-08-2012, 11:59 AM

Seriously? You have to ask this question? CALL SOMEONE capable of handling this immediately like campus health services. Do you want to take the risk of guessing incorrectly that she really won't do something to hurt herself & find out that you were wrong?

You are not capable of evaluating her state of mind. This is serious and whether or not she might hurt herself is not something to F around with. Get help. Probably call her parents, too.

KDCat · #5 07-08-2012, 01:00 PM

Call the Powers that Be and tell them that you are concerned about her. She might be pissed at you, but that's okay.

When I was a senior, I had a freshman sister who attempted suicide. She took pills. It didn't work. When I found out about it, I lost my sh*& and told the assistant dean. They hauled her in and then had her admitted to the hospital for 10 days. Then she had to have therapy for a couple of years. She was really pissed at me.

Therapy helped her get it together and get away from her crazy, abusive mother. She ended up being extremely successful -- Peace Corp, international CPA, partner at a big CPA firm, then CFO of a big company, married with kids. She really did the work and did well for herself. She's awesome. I'm super proud of her.

ZTAOnlytheBest · #6 07-08-2012, 01:25 PM

Thanks everyone. I just didn't know if I should be super cautious about it or just do something.

AOII Angel · #7 07-08-2012, 01:39 PM

If you are worried, call and have her sent to the ER for an evaluation. They can assess her to see if she has the intent, plan and will to actually do the deed. You are not in the position to make that assessment and would never be able to live with yourself if you did nothing and she killed herself. You can do this anonymously if you are concerned it will ruin your friendship. Just be prepared to give examples of what is going on.

KDCat · #8 07-08-2012, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZTAOnlytheBest

Thanks everyone. I just didn't know if I should be super cautious about it or just do something.

Let the Powers that Be sort out whether it's a serious problem or not. If it's not serious, she spent a couple of hours talking to someone who is concerned about her. No harm done. She might be pissed, but that's life. If it's serious, they can get her the help she needs.

33girl · #9 07-10-2012, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KDCat

She might be pissed, but that's life. If it's serious, they can get her the help she needs.

Hopefully she won't be so pissed that she quits her sorority and shuts herself off from people who are trying to help her.

I know it's easy to say "call campus health services" or "call campus police" but these groups can be of widely varying effectiveness, to say the least. Not to mention if there's a religious component involved in the school.

Get her help and a listening ear ASAP, yes, but before we make blanket statements that doing one of the above will solve the problem, we really should know more about what they consist of at the OP's institution.

KDCat · #10 07-10-2012, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Hopefully she won't be so pissed that she quits her sorority and shuts herself off from people who are trying to help her.

I know it's easy to say "call campus health services" or "call campus police" but these groups can be of widely varying effectiveness, to say the least. Not to mention if there's a religious component involved in the school.

Get her help and a listening ear ASAP, yes, but before we make blanket statements that doing one of the above will solve the problem, we really should know more about what they consist of at the OP's institution.

Fair enough. It's a good idea to figure out what the most effective solution is at your campus.

I agree with the "hope she doesn't quit." You can only put opportunities for help in front of people. You can't make them take them.

At the same time, this isn't a problem that I think an individual sister or even several sisters should try to take on by themselves. It's too much. If this person is suicidal, she needs professional help. (Which you totally aren't saying, but I'm just trying to be clear for OP.)

FleurGirl · #11 07-10-2012, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Hopefully she won't be so pissed that she quits her sorority and shuts herself off from people who are trying to help her.

I know it's easy to say "call campus health services" or "call campus police" but these groups can be of widely varying effectiveness, to say the least. Not to mention if there's a religious component involved in the school.

Get her help and a listening ear ASAP, yes, but before we make blanket statements that doing one of the above will solve the problem, we really should know more about what they consist of at the OP's institution.

Better alive and pissed off than the alternative. Most universities have some kind of helpline you can call if you're concerned about yourself or someone else possibly committing self harm. This really isn't a situation where you can take it slow and "see how it goes" though. If there's reasonable cause to be concerned about her well-being, then it's time to get a professional involved. I don't know the exact situation, but I DO know that there's probably not an 18-22 year old member of the house who's qualified to handle the situation properly.

33girl · #12 07-10-2012, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KDCat

At the same time, this isn't a problem that I think an individual sister or even several sisters should try to take on by themselves. It's too much. If this person is suicidal, she needs professional help. (Which you totally aren't saying, but I'm just trying to be clear for OP.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I don't know the exact situation, but I DO know that there's probably not an 18-22 year old member of the house who's qualified to handle the situation properly.

Oh, I completely concur. I've seen sisters try to do it (the girl wasn't suicidal, she just had LOTS of issues) and it ended up taking a huge toll on them. Just saying that you need to contact the source that will do the most help at YOUR institution, and if your institution doesn't have one, go to the community. If I'd been in that situation and someone called Pubic Safety on me, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop laughing at the concept of them providing any sort of mental or physical help. (Then again, I guess that might have made me not suicidal anymore if I laughed that much.)

pshsx1 · #13 07-08-2012, 02:07 PM

If you feel comfortable with her, talk to her. No matter what level of suicidal thoughts she is feeling, you need to delay her actions for as long as possible while you can get proper assistance.

Keep in mind, though, that she is in a fragile state. Her emotions are unstable and she must be prevented from doing something drastic. Every second matters.

Talk to her Big Sister, the President, your adviser, the counseling office, the Dean of Students, or anyone else who can really help. It can mean a lot to a person contemplating suicide that more people care.

s/n: We've actually been reviewing suicide prevention in Student Affairs here over the past month or so!

libramunoz · #14 07-10-2012, 12:25 AM

I hope that you were able to communicate with her.

If you are in this situation again, everybody has given you some very good advice that you should keep handy. One of the things that you can also do is to call the campus police and tell them what you have seen and your concerns about her. Also, go to the Dean of the school or a trusted advisor and talk with them and let them know of your concerns about your sister.
Sometimes, yes, the truth of the matter is that the person may be pissed at you, but you can only let them know that you did it out of love for them and out of the greatest concern about them and their health.
Usually, a person will reach out, but their are the cases when the person says nothing and ends up harming themselves, initially, as a way of calling out for help, but harm (and or death) can come before they can be found.
So ALWAYS, be prepared to call 911 or get the person to the ER to get the help that they are needing (even if they are going to be pissed at you), know that what you did was out of desire to help them.