Pledge Class Issue

sophiebelle · #1 03-30-2011, 10:24 PM

As anyone who read my recruitment story will know, I am a recently initiated member of Delta Gamma. During my new member period, I was also elected to be "leader" of my pledge class.

There is a girl in my pledge class who caused a LOT of problems throughout our new member period. She is recent transfer, and is technically a junior, although she expects to be here an extra year. The rest of my PC is predominantly freshmen. This girl, because of her age difference to us, spent nearly the entire new member period acting like she she should be in charge of everything. Examples:

1) After a sisterhood retreat at the home of an alumna, our PC decided to get the alumna flowers and a gift card as a "thank you" present for her hospitality. Junior went out, bought a ridiculously expensive flower arrangement for the alumna, and expected the rest of us to reimburse her. She subsequently acted as if we were being rude by giving her hard time about it (we had NOT seen the flowers before she bought them or approved an appropriate price-per-girl)

2) She constantly talked about how she couldn't wait to go to bars with the of-age sisters (she is 22, the rest of us are 18-19). When we suggested that perhaps she should be as excited to hang out with us, she scoffed and basically said that she couldn't wait to be "in" so she could hang out with people "her own age."

Now that the new member period is over, and there are not so many sisterhood events where all pledges are required to be together, most girls in my PC have no interest in ever seeing this girl again. However, my chapter is big on having "pledge class" dinners and nights out, and I don't want things to be awkward. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to repair the rift?

LatinaAlumna · #2 03-30-2011, 11:23 PM

If it's a "pledge class dinner," just invite her like you would all the members of the class, and if she doesn't show up--no loss. It sounds like she probably won't come anyway. Even if she does and acts like a jerk, don't waste time on her. Just enjoy the event with sisters who act more sisterly.

preciousjeni · #3 03-30-2011, 11:34 PM

I'm with LatinaAlumna. It sounds like this woman has some serious self-esteem problems and feels she has to compensate for something. If I were in your shoes, I would always be kind to her and let her grow up in her own time. Allow yourself to have a great time at your pledge class events and don't worry too much about her.

victoriana · #4 03-30-2011, 11:34 PM

I had a bit of a similar situation in my pledge class. To me, it sounds like this girl is just really enthusiastic and wants to have fun with her new sisters. Unfortunately, she seems like she takes initiative without regard for the consequences, like when she bought the flowers. I think she meant well. As for her brushing you off, some people are going to be snobby no matter what. If you and your PC made the effort to include her and get to know her and she was still rude to you, that's not your fault. You've done all you can do.

My suggestion to fix the situation with her is to have an honest, polite, non-confrontational talk. You could say something like, "hey, I know we weren't really close during our new member period, but I was just wondering if you'd like to come see a movie with some girls from our PC." She probably realizes that the way she treated you during your new member period wasn't right, and hopefully she'll want to make amends and move on. If not, at least you tried, and like I said, that's the most you can do. If she continues to cause problems, I would recommend talking to the person in your chapter who is in charge of conflict mediation (sisterhood chair, chaplain, risk management?) and try to work something out that way.

Gusteau · #5 03-30-2011, 11:54 PM

I think a good piece of advice (that I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I heard) is, "Being cordial to someone you don't like isn't fake, it's mature."

In other words, what they said.

33girl · #6 03-31-2011, 12:10 AM

She's a jerk. Invite her to any "pledge class" things, and other than that, avoid her. Trust me, there will be more than a few sisters that won't be your favorites over the years...unless your chapter is extremely small or extremely homogenous.

Although, why didn't she go to bars with initiated sisters? Being a pledge has nothing to do with that - she's 22. If sisters excluded her or told her she "wasn't allowed" to go with them because of her pledge status, they should probably be reprimanded for hazing and reported to your national HQ - because that's pretty much the definition of it.

sophiebelle · #7 03-31-2011, 12:34 AM

Thank you so much for all of the advice!

33girl- she was allowed and invited to go with the initiated sisters, and did sometimes. We had a lot of pledge sister bonding activities to do together (not mandatory but heavily encouraged), and that took up a lot of time (in addition to her homework- she is in a rigorous science-based major). What she was basically saying was that she couldn't wait until she no longer felt obligated to hang out with us children.

adpiucf · #8 04-02-2011, 02:48 PM

other than nodding and smiling recognition when she walks past you, you are under no obligation to befriend this woman or invite her to anything.

33girl · #9 04-02-2011, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sophiebelle

We had a lot of pledge sister bonding activities to do together (not mandatory but heavily encouraged), and that took up a lot of time (in addition to her homework- she is in a rigorous science-based major). What she was basically saying was that she couldn't wait until she no longer felt obligated to hang out with us children.

If she has a tough major (in which she is probably getting into her more difficult upper level classes) she should have been aware going in that for a while, it's going to be school and pledgeship. She doesn't get a pass because she's older or because her classes are harder than yours. It's not for forever and there was no reason for her to say such bitchy things.

Splash · #10 04-03-2011, 01:36 AM

For whatever reason, it sounds like she is having a hard time being secure in her position (being a pledge, hard major, whatever) As her sister, I would offer sympathy by always being kind to her. People who are mean, it's usually easy to tell why they are upset. Try to make her feel secure in whatever she seems conflicted about. This is how I would try to make my sisters feel better.

AOII Angel · #11 04-03-2011, 01:25 PM

Not everyone bonds with their pledge class. The fact that she is significantly older may mean that she will never bond with you guys. That is okay. She might bond with you over time, but it may take several semesters when the older girls start to graduate. She sounds like she has a "strong personality." I wouldn't make a huge issue out of it. Confrontation may just cause more drama than is necessary. Instead, just continue to invite her to things you do as a class. If she doesn't participate, it's her loss.

kArSoN RyDaH · #12 04-06-2011, 06:44 AM

I had a similar situation with a member in my pledge class. I still don't really get along with this dude and probably never will but I guess it's just one of those things you have to tolerate for the sake of argument. Hope you get through it though.

Barbie's_Rush · #13 04-06-2011, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kArSoN RyDaH

I had a similar situation with a member in my pledge class. I still don't really get along with this dude and probably never will but I guess it's just one of those things you have to tolerate for the sake of argument. Hope you get through it though.

AwWwWw! LoVeRs' SpAtS aRe So CuTe!

HawaiiTKE · #14 04-08-2011, 04:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

AwWwWw! LoVeRs' SpAtS aRe So CuTe!

did someone touch you when you were younger? you seem to be extremely angry with life. every post you make is negative. you're probably some ugly fat white girl who hates herself. yeah, definately, that's it.

DrPhil · #15 04-08-2011, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HawaiiTKE

did someone touch you when you were younger? you seem to be extremely angry with life. every post you make is negative. you're probably some ugly fat white girl who hates herself. yeah, definately, that's it.

Congratulations on making light of child abuse. Congratulations on trying the cliche` response to opinionated women who you disagree with. Go get 'em.