need some little sis advice..

prettyinpink97 · #1 10-02-2008, 11:43 AM

-

RaggedyAnn · #2 10-02-2008, 11:47 AM

List your preference first, but let the New Member Educator know you would be open to having Twins.

knight_shadow · #3 10-02-2008, 11:55 AM

I may be out of my lane, but I had a question.

In my organization, we match bigs and littles based on personality, but it's not like we completely ignore the rest of the pledge class. If you think you'd get along better with "Joan," can you pick her and still spend time with "Jane" to show you value her friendship?

prettyinpink97 · #4 10-02-2008, 12:01 PM

-

knight_shadow · #5 10-02-2008, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prettyinpink97

yes - i would definitely still be friends with both, and i know they will both be very close sisters. i just would love that special bond i guess. my big sis was great and we were such a perfect match... she set the standards high i guess, hah

I'd say go with "Joan" since she seems to be a better match for you. "Jane" should eventually come out of her shell, but even if she doesn't, she'll still have you around.

ASTalumna06 · #6 10-02-2008, 12:07 PM

Forget about feelings being hurt. You're only one person. You can't have it both ways. And if the new members don't understand that, then I don't know what you should tell them. It's not the end of the world if you don't get your first choice.

You started off the post by saying "I'm head over heals for two of them". So why do you then say you'd "like" one of them, and "love" another?

Here's the deal: You're all sisters. When I got my little, the bigs didn't get to choose at all, and the littles would decide, and then ask a sister to be their big. Did I have a girl that I really wanted as a little? Yes, but if I didn't get her, I also knew that it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'd still be her sister, and I'd still get to know another new member and help her through her new member process. If I simply hated one of the new members and didn't want her at all, then I'd probably speak up. But otherwise, just to have a little is pretty exciting.

But since you have a decision to make, realize that this whole process is more about the new members than it is about you. Analyze THEIR situations. You know who they picked as their second choices, so really think about those sisters, also, and think about how they would truly help Jane and Joan through their new member process. I don't know what your concerns are with their second choices, but if you think that for whatever reason, one of those number 2's would be an awful big sister, then I'd say make your decision based on that.

On the other hand, if you're only concerned because Jane doesn't know a lot of people, and she knows you (which is what you make it sound like), then it might be a good idea to have her with another sister as a big. Because then she'll get to know that other sister better, and maybe she'll introduce Jane to new things, both in the sorority, and out.

But if you do go with Jane, don't let Joan being another sister's little "break your heart". That shouldn't really ever be the case. Because while you're upset, YOUR little is going to be wondering why you're disappointed. And that's going to ruin the experience for both of you.

33girl · #7 10-02-2008, 12:13 PM

You obviously want Joan. That's who you should take.

If Jane doesn't know as many people, the BEST thing for her would be to get a big that she doesn't know as well and build new friendships, rather than just becoming your satellite - which is what it sounds like would happen.

And unless it's absolutely necessary (i.e. the pledge class is twice as big as the number of active members) I wouldn't advocate taking twins. I do know lots of people who had twins, but they took them in different semesters.

agzg · #8 10-02-2008, 12:15 PM

I know we're all kinda crashing on a Phi Mu thread here, but I understand what you're saying about having the perfect match for a big, my sister-mother is *still* one of my best friends.

My sister-daughter wasn't my first choice - but I love her to pieces. In my case, the choice wasn't up to me (my sister-daughter had me as her first choice, I had someone else as my first choice, that other person had someone else, and she matched perfectly with her sister-mother).

Put them in the order that you want them. You'd be thrilled to have either of them, and make sure they both know that. If you get your first choice, you can play an advisory roll to your second choice. When I was getting my sister-mother, I had two other girls that were on my list and I was on theirs, and I was in one of their weddings two years ago and unfortunately am going to have to miss the other's (family wedding, same day). That's a long way of saying we're all really close still. Plus, it was nice as a New Member to get three different opinions.

prettyinpink97 · #9 10-02-2008, 12:21 PM

everyone has good points. thanks for all the input so fast guys.

ASTalumna06 · #10 10-02-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prettyinpink97

i was wondering about that... about maybe getting two. I've never heard of someone getting two littles at the same time. i worry that its not fair to them maybe?

My chapter has recently switched over to matching the bigs and littles by having the sisters and the new members choose their top 3, and the New Member Director makes the final decision. But prior to that change, as I mentioned, the littles would simply talk in one of their new member meetings, and choose their bigs.

One semester, about 3 years ago, we had 10 sisters and 9 new members. Everyone except the New Member Director was going to take a little. But two of the new members both wanted the same sister as their big. Both were dead-set on having her. They were discussing the situation for almost an hour, before the New Member Director finally decided to ask the new members if they'd mind sharing a big. They both agreed that would be fine. But before they were to ask the sister to be their big, the New Member Director, without explaining the situation to any of the sisters, asked all of them if any of them would mind taking two littles, or if anyone would mind not getting a little because someone else had two. None of the sisters saw it as a problem, so that one sister had two littles. But if anyone objected, they would have had to figure it out and one of the new members would have to choose another person.

That was a rare case though, and nothing like that had happened in the few years prior to, or after that.

And the more I think about your situation, the more I think that the New Member Director, and maybe a couple other sisters who don't want/aren't eligible for littles, should decide, based on what they think is fit. Because to have a sister choose one new member over another is forcing them to choose "favorites", which I don't think is good. That's why in our rare situation of this occurring, the New Member Director would not force the sister to choose one of the two girls, and suggested that she have two littles.

Kansas City · #11 10-02-2008, 01:50 PM

I'll be the downer here. How can you be sure that both of them are going to request you as their Big? Both Littles may be forming close bonds with other actives that you don't know about. My point is this, don't make such a big deal out of it ... these things usually have a way or working themselves out for the best. I'm sure that the three of you will be happy whatever the outcome.

prettyinpink97 · #12 10-02-2008, 04:05 PM

-

BabyPiNK_FL · #13 10-03-2008, 03:14 AM

For reference, in my chapter twins are two people from the SAME pledge class. They are becoming less common, but I am lucky enough to have two pairs (plus a surprise single) and I can't imagine it any other way.

We genuinely love each other and while juggling five at one time isn't always easy, I've found it to be very rewarding. No one gets emotionally shafted in my family and we have really become a network/support system for one another. In fact I just received 5 more additions to my family (4 new GBabies and a new GGBaby), and spent a good deal of the week with two of my blessings making matching shirts so that all 13 of us, from my big right down to my very first great grand baby, could look match in our photographs. The week before I spent some time assisting another one and taking her to attend the birthday of another. In addition to that, I'm planning on quality time with all of them very soon as we are trying to schedule some family events to integrate the new girls.

It is not impossible and it has only added to my life. I couldn't imagine my Phi Mu experience with out every single one of my 5 little sisters and I know they would say the same about me. Every time I think of them my heart really does overflow with joy and pride.

I know this may not be the norm for every chapter, but I do want to provide a different aspect then the ones that have been portrayed here as many seem to shed negative light on "twins".

33girl · #14 10-06-2008, 01:37 PM

From what I understand, though, your school/Greek system/chapter are growing very fast and taking twins is more of a norm than an exception. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) When that's the case I think the expectations are different. It can work out fine, I just don't advocate taking twins if the only reason is not wanting to pick between 2 girls for your little and there are other sisters in the chapter waiting their turn to have a little.

BabyPiNK_FL · #15 10-06-2008, 01:58 PM

It isn't always an issue of size/growth in our pledge class size/quota. That has been pretty stable for the past 4 years at least (40s-50s). Other factors are involved.