Put Your Offensive or Sick Joke Here (not for the faint hearted)

moe.ron · #1 05-28-2003, 01:05 PM

Can't think of any, but put urs.

AOX81 · #2 05-28-2003, 03:10 PM

Q: Why do men have assholes?

A: So they won't be total pricks.

AOX81 · #3 05-28-2003, 03:14 PM

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: "See you next month!"

xok85xo · #4 05-28-2003, 04:11 PM

Q: whats better then winning a gold medal in the special olympics?

A: not being retarded

AGDPrincess70 · #5 05-28-2003, 04:15 PM

HOw can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before swallowing

PrincessHeather · #6 05-28-2003, 04:19 PM

(This isn't bad at all but its like the only one I can remember)

Q: What is Green and smells like Pork?

A: Kermit the Frog's finger

docetboy · #7 05-28-2003, 04:24 PM

Why are the avenues in Paris lined with trees?
Because the Germans like to march in the shade.

I have a genuine French rifle for sale. It's never been fired, and only dropped once.

I have interest in joining the French army.
I even have my own white flag.

Where is the best place to hide money in a Frenchmans home?
Under the soap

What do you call four white people in a car? White Power
What do you call four black people in a car? Black Power
What do you call four mexicans in a car? Grand Theft Auto

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the United States.

Why are camels called ships of the desert?
They are full of Arab semen.

Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. on the same day in the arab world?
They don't want the camel to get worn out.

AlphaGamDiva · #8 05-28-2003, 04:28 PM

GRRROOOOOSSSS! KERMIE!!!!

ok, this is so not good being read, but it's my fave joke, and my only joke really....so i'll go ahead and post it. use your imaginations and think meg ryan in when harry met sally at the diner.....it's the best sounding joke ever to be told around a group of guys.....

there are 4 types of orgasms:
the really, really good kind--"OH YES!!! OOOOOOH YEEEEESSSSSSS!!! YESYESYES!!"
the really, really bad kind--oh no....nono.....noooooooooo....awwww"
the holy kind--"OH GOD! OH GOOOOOD! OH! MY! GOD!"
and the fake kind--"oh, KITSO.....mmm........KITSO!!!!"

bwahaha!

*always tell in a big group of ppl, make your noises as realistic as possible for best effect, and pick a guy out of the group that needs to be taken down a few notches.....not that kitso needs to be taken down or anything.....but he's best for "effect".....

smiley21 · #9 05-28-2003, 04:46 PM

what did adam say when he first saw eve naked?
'stand back! i dont know how big this thing gets!!'

monica went to the dry cleaners:
monica: i have another dress to get cleaned.
(the owner of the dry cleaners didnt really hear her) so the owner says, 'come again?'
monica: no. its just mustard.

why is the navy ship the best place to get laid?
its crawling with seamen.

AlphaGamDiva · #10 05-28-2003, 04:47 PM

LOL, smiley....but can we add a lil "lewinsky" to the end of that "monica".....these jokes traumatized my life in hs......still a lil gun shy!

KSig RC · #11 05-28-2003, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xok85xo
Q: whats better then winning a gold medal in the olympics?

A: not being retarded

i think you were going for:

"What's better than winning a gold medal in the SPECIAL olympics?"

anyway . . .

why was jesus a hit with all the ladies?

because he was hung like this (*put hands out wide like a crucifixion*)

how'd they identify the guitarist from great white?

he was wearing charcoal pants and a smoking jacket.

what'd jfk jr say to his housekeeper before he left for the airport?

you feed the cat, i'll feed the fish

why didn't jfk jr take a shower before he went?

he figured he'd just wash up on shore

ok i'm gonna stop - the last time we did this, the thread got a little out of control, then closed, then started again as a huge fight . . . so you're all going to have to miss out on the bloody clownsuit jokes (for now)

sherbertlemons · #12 05-29-2003, 10:56 AM

Oh, goody, an opportunity to use some of my jokes in very bad taste.

What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts.

I may have another couple, but they're really horrible, so I'm leery of posting them. I'll see how this thread goes and then consider it.

moe.ron · #13 05-29-2003, 11:18 AM

What do vampire use for a teabag?

Tampon

starang21 · #14 05-29-2003, 12:20 PM

aight....this one is real nasty....

(Iota Phi Theta Fraternity, INC. is not responsible for this, i heard this on the bus when i was in 3rd grade...taking off my beautiful letters and placing to the side for the moment)

girl asks dad for a prom dress

dad says "aight cool...but you have to give me brain."

girl does her thing, and then says "dad, you're stuff tastes like shit..."

dad says "sorry about that, you're brother needed a tuxedo."

smiley21 · #15 05-29-2003, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Arya
What do vampire use for a teabag?

Tampon

i suddenly feel squeemish....