I need advice (Urgent)!

FloridaGreek · #1 10-22-2001, 04:13 AM

I need advice and I have no one on my campus I can ask. Here is the situation: I am fraternity pledge. I recieved a few bids and I took this one in the beginning of the semester and I am now a good way through my pledge period. We are a small fraternity on my campus (30 brothers, 15 pledges). The brotherhood in my chapter is completely different from what I had expected. The brotherhood is split into two distinct and non-agreeing factions. Many of the brothers do not show up to any events or present a good role model for the pledges. This has worn off on the pledges and has caused the new incoming class to just perpetuate the already ongoing problems. The group is not strong and is not what I was looking for when I rushed. Last night I was unable to sleep. I just kept thinking that I am not truly happy. I am fairly involved in what I do on campus and most of the group is not at all involved. I have taken this whole process very seriously and I am very torn right now. I cannot make a serious or material change to the brotherhood, I have tried and I will lack the votes needed to do anything when I cross. I am thinking about de-pledging. What happens if I do? Can I pledge a different house? I have gone this far, should I just take my letters that I have worked hard for? Am I allowed to talk to other houses? I need advice. I know this sounds like a "rookie" question, but any response would be appreciated.

ThetaxiUW · #2 10-22-2001, 04:41 AM

Chances are if your thinking that this is not the right choice, then they are thinking that as well. Tell them that your leaving at the quarter. By now you probably know what type of house your looking for. Talk to a new house only after you tell them. Your brothers will understand... probably. As long as your not a member you can drop houses. Unless its formal rush, then I'm not sure. We have informal rush here at our U. Formal may be a little different. Im not sure but it may require a year from a fraternity to rush another if you have been associated. Not terribly positive. In all actuality, you can change people in your house if all else fails. But if its not for you, leave. Its as simple as that. Drop all contacts and hope no one sees you at your new house. And if there are only 30 brothers, join a house with about 80. they won't fuck with you then!

-YED-

mmcat · #3 10-22-2001, 06:55 AM

Your college career is too short to not be happy and take advantage of all that is out there.
good luck.
mmcat

damasa · #4 10-22-2001, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaxiUW
And if there are only 30 brothers, join a house with about 80. they won't fuck with you then!

-YED-

And what exactly does this mean?
That a bigger house is a better house? A stronger house?
I don't understand the correlation between more borthers and not fu&*ing with you...please elaborate...

d

shadokat · #5 10-22-2001, 09:15 AM

If you're uncomfortable, and quite frankly, who wouldn't be as a new member in a fraternity you describe, then you should do what you feel is necessary to rectify your situatuion, whether it be dropping out and joining a different house, or maybe even addressing the problem within the fraternity. Approach #2 would take way more time, but if you really think it's worth it, then I would say go for it. If not, there's nothing terribly wrong with dropping and joining somewhere else.

ThetaxiUW · #6 10-22-2001, 12:05 PM

Well lets see. We have people who change to our house every winter or spring. There's always that worry about if the other house will take vengence on their new house because of a secret code or something that they belong in the other house or that the new house should be punished for taking the pledge. All i'm saying is a house of 80 compared to 30 may eleviate the problem. Just a simple suggestion, sorry if I offended anyone.
Late!

Aphigal · #7 10-22-2001, 01:09 PM

Well there are a lot of things you can do.

The first is if there are a smaller group of committed brothers rush new guys into the house that will change it for the better. Yes this will be harder than leaving and going to a new already established better house but I think you will learn a lot more and look back and know you have accomplished something.

Also talk with your big brother, your chapter advisor your regional director or even your national office is they chapter needs more support and guidance than it is currently receiving.

Good luck and keep us posted.

bruinaphi · #8 10-22-2001, 05:03 PM

I agree with APhiGal that you have several choices. I think you need to sit back and think about why you accepted their bid in the first place. Was there something about the brotherhood that appealed to you? Is it something that is still there or could be restored by a strong group of new members? I have seen several chapters with morale problems turn around b/c of the efforts of a new member class that came together and got the active chapter excited about their group.

You should really consider talking to your big brother, fraternity educator, chapter advisor or another older member who you trust about your opinion of what is going on in the chapter before making the decision to depledge.

Good luck!

FloridaGreek · #9 10-22-2001, 05:20 PM

I appreciate all of the advice so far. I have spoken with the group about the situation already. Many of the brothers either don't care or are happy with our/their level of invlovement or behavior. Also, more than half of the pledge class feels the same. One of the replies said I should think about what had attracted me in the first place. I have and the thing that attracted me was brotherhood, something that this chapter is lacking. To change the group I would need to personally rush the whole new class for the next two years, while also waiting for the older brothers to leave. I am not sure if I am selfish but I don't look forward to that idea. I joined becuase I cared about the group and it was fun. It has ceased to be fun and it would be me and two other guys arguing that things need to change for most of my college career. A few other guys feel this way but are too nervous and/or apathetic to de-pledge. I may be also. Should I just accept what the group is even if I am not happy? I don't think I am allowed to go talk to other houses about getting a spring bid. I also don't look forward to being a pledge again. <laugh> I appreciate everyone's help/advice. Thanks.

aephi alum · #10 10-22-2001, 07:23 PM

Certain fraternities' bids are good for several months, up to a calendar year; depends on the fraternity. I know of people on my campus who rushed in the fall, got a few bids, pledged one house, then depledged 2-3 months later to accept a different bid from fall rush. So it can be done.

If you do have to re-rush, you face the definite possibility of not getting another bid. When the brothers vote, they may say "FloridaGreek depledged XYZ last fall, what's to say he won't do the same to us?" and not vote you in.

This is a decision not to be made lightly. If you have close friends in the fraternity/ies you're considering going to, and you trust them with a secret, talk to them. See if, now that a few weeks of your pledge periods have gone by, they feel their house has a strong brotherhood. I would recommend talking to members of your current fraternity, but you've already done that. You may want to have a one-on-one talk with your pledge educator or big brother.

Good luck with whatever you decide