What do I do?

DisneyDoll · #1 07-18-2008, 08:01 PM

I had a weird thing happen to me that I wanted advice on. I am going through recruitment and recently met the girls from one sorority at my new school. I met them through someone who is a member of that sorority (but not that chapter). Since then, they call me all the time and invite me to hang out with them. They never bring up recruitment or their sorority but they do know that I want to rush. I really like them as friends and they are always nice. Yesterday, I got an email from one of the girls from this group. She asked me to do her a big favor by dropping her off at the airport. She can't find another ride. She then wrote that she hopes I can do this for her because she would hate to have anything bad to say about me when I go through recruitment and her chapter. What do I do now? I have no problem taking her to the airport tomorrow but do I let the other girls know? Let it go? I am worried she may bad talk me to her friends outside of her chapter and in other ones and ruin my chances of joining.

LucyKKG · #2 07-18-2008, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DisneyDoll

I had a weird thing happen to me that I wanted advice on. I am going through recruitment and recently met the girls from one sorority at my new school. I met them through someone who is a member of that sorority (but not that chapter). Since then, they call me all the time and invite me to hang out with them. They never bring up recruitment or their sorority but they do know that I want to rush. I really like them as friends and they are always nice. Yesterday, I got an email from one of the girls from this group. She asked me to do her a big favor by dropping her off at the airport. She can't find another ride. She then wrote that she hopes I can do this for her because she would hate to have anything bad to say about me when I go through recruitment and her chapter. What do I do now? I have no problem taking her to the airport tomorrow but do I let the other girls know? Let it go? I am worried she may bad talk me to her friends outside of her chapter and in other ones and ruin my chances of joining.

Definitely tell the Greek Life office or a Recruitment counselor! Pretty sure that's all kind of against the rules.

NikkiKKG · #3 07-18-2008, 08:09 PM

If she wrote that in an email is there any way she may have ment it as a joke?

#4 07-18-2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

Definitely tell the Greek Life office or a Recruitment counselor! Pretty sure that's all kind of against the rules.

Right.

It's one thing to hang out as friends, but she should know better than to threaten you. You should never ever ever take threats.

#5 07-18-2008, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NikkiKKG

If she wrote that in an email is there any way she may have ment it as a joke?

You just don't joke about shit like that, especially right before recruitment.

I say forward the email to your campus Panhellenic.

Just interested · #6 07-18-2008, 08:15 PM

Sounds like blackmail to me. Almost hazing before you are a new member. You need to let someone know.

basket96 · #7 07-18-2008, 09:01 PM

DisneyDoll,

I have a couple of thoughts on this:

1. As you may or may not know, there are rules that sorority women have to follow with regards to contact with Porential New Members ("PNM's") prior to recruitment. it sounds like they MAY be in violation of them, or at least close to being so. This could be a rush infraction ("dirty rush") that could cause problems for this particular sorority. Have you already registered for recruitment? This is something that the panhellenic adviser should be made aware of. I'd hate to see it impact YOU negatively as you go through recruitment.

2. You have to ask yourself if you REALLY want to be in a sorority where a member would basically threaten you before you have even joined.

Only you can decide if you want to take her to the airport tomorrow. If you do, you may want to ask her about the remark. It is possible she meant it in joking (bad taste, if so), but it is still somewhat of a "veiled" threat IMO.

On the other hand, it's to your advantage to see this side of these particular ladies PRIOR to recruitment. I've said it before, but GO IN WITH AN OPEN MIND when you go through recruitment. I'd be wary if this happened to me. It's kind of a red flag in my opinion.

I don't envy you -- this is a crummy situation to be put in.

Good luck to you and do let us know what you decide.

gee_ess · #8 07-18-2008, 10:58 PM

Will you be going through fall rush - if so, it is very likely that all of this contact is very much in violation with recruitment rules. Go to your university website and read their recruitment rules ( I am hoping it is online) or call the Greek Life office and just inquire about pnm/sorority member contact rules for the summer. If you find out that those sorority women are in violation, it is in your best interest to discreetly distance yourself from them. I know they have become your friends but if you can just try to avoid being with 3 or 4 at one time, it will be better for them and for you. In most situations, spending time with one member is not a violation, but one pnm with 3 or 4 members is a problem.

Regarding the email, I seriously hope she was using some poor comedic tactics. I am imagining it was sort of a "Ha ha, you are going through rush, we obviously love you and would never cut you, so I can be kind of sarcastic and snarky" comment. Unfortunately, as I am sure you have read on GC, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES in recruitment. If you need to help her out, do so and don't read more into it than you really think is there. But, if you DO think she was serious, someone needs to know...

gee_ess · #9 07-18-2008, 11:43 PM

I understood her to say that a member from another chapter introduced her to members of a chapter at the school where she will be going through recruitment...

But, I just got through reading the Zeta Phi Beta Sheryl Underwood thread and am feeling a bit dazed and shell shocked, so I may have misunderstood.

breathesgelatin · #10 07-19-2008, 12:53 AM

You say she "wrote" this. Is it at all possible that this was a misdirected attempt at sarcasm? That doesn't change the fact that it's a recruitment violation, but this threat is almost too ludicrous to be real for me. Who's THAT desperate for a ride to the airport?

AOII4ME · #11 07-19-2008, 09:28 AM

I have had a similar experience. If you don't want to throw you name 'out there', and just want to think this was an innocent incident, you could just take her, choose your words carefully on the trip to the airport, don't mention it to anyone, and keep a little distance until you have completed recruitment.

This is what I did and I don't think the other person ever thought of it again.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

UGAalum94 · #12 07-19-2008, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I understood her to say that a member from another chapter introduced her to members of a chapter at the school where she will be going through recruitment...

But, I just got through reading the Zeta Phi Beta Sheryl Underwood thread and am feeling a bit dazed and shell shocked, so I may have misunderstood.

Yeah, about five minutes after I posted last night asking about which chapter, I realized I had misread and deleted my post. Sorry.

couggirl · #13 07-19-2008, 11:54 PM

If it were me I would be scare to take this isssue to another student. I would go to a university official (someone suggested recruitment counselor) like the greek affairs office director or assistant. I say this because I have been in a non sorority related situation were i went to student officers with a complaint and the students who were in charge did not follow the rules and subsequently told fellow students about my complaint. i know this should not happen, but I have seen it happen. The is why I would suggest taking it to a univesity official who should be able to "do" something about this without fear that the wrong people will find out. Just my opinion.

Blue Skies · #14 07-20-2008, 12:56 AM

Report this to Panhellenic/Greek Life. I would go even further and report it to the sorority's advisor and/or inter/national. This is bullying, plain and simple. There is only one way to respond to bullying, and that's by striking back (metaphorically speaking.)

If you submit to blackmail, you have taught your blackmailer that her strategy is a successful one, and she will do it to you again. You need this?

I would in no way let the girl who said this backtrack and treat her own statement like it was a joke. As a PNM, you are the one who is in a vulnerable position. A remark like that has no excuse.

Recruitment is a process of mutual selection. It's not just a question if you are worthy of this chapter, but also if this chapter is worthy of YOU.

DisneyDoll · #15 07-20-2008, 11:23 AM

My new has late fall recruitment. I know someone from this particular sorority XYZ but she is in a different chapter than the one at my school but is friends with many of the members of my schools XYZ chapter. I was hanging out with my friend when we ran into the members of XYZ and hung out with them. We had fun and sorority was not mentioned. I have been invited to hang out at the beach and Disneyland with them. I hope this clarifies things up a bit. I did not take her to the airport. I called my XYZ friend who introduced me to them and told her. She reported it to the chapter president and vice president. I did get a call from them apologizing for her and they told me they hope this hasnt given me a bad impression of their sorority (it hasn't). They were very nice about it and told me that they sister would be disciplined.