Parents against sororities....

Redraidergirl · #1 10-02-2007, 09:54 PM

OK. i really want to pledge for a sorority [something i've wanted to do for a long time], but my parents are dead set against it. They have negative images from the media and stuff and nothing i can do can change that. I've recently had the brilliant idea of getting a job, and trying to pay for it myself...
I was just wondering if there are sororities against taking sophmores [maybe a junior by the time i get my $$ saved up], if they aren't getting support from their families... or if their families don't know about them pledging.
Should i go with the risk?...

yes i know i am in college but sadly the way i was raised is different... the parents control everything until pretty much marriage.... even then the marriage might be arranged

[not happening to me]
i was also wondering if yall had heard some similar stories or have gone through it yourselves and how you feel about it now....

Benzgirl · #2 10-02-2007, 10:30 PM

I debated whether to touch this....Your story rambles through a lot of generalities.

I'm also not sure what you mean by "raised differently", "control everything", "marriage might be arranged". Is this due to culture or religion or what?

Can you be more specific in what you would like to know?

barnard1897 · #3 10-02-2007, 10:46 PM

My parents were very much against my joining a sorority in college--culturally and philosophically they did not agree with the Greek System. They did not understand why I would want to pay to join a social group, and they felt it was all frivolous. I went ahead and did it anyway. I got a job to pay for my dues. They still kept up the negativity (my grades, my focus, my career-fraternity parties are bad, what was I doing...blahblahblah) but I knew from day 1 it was the right decision. Those women turned out to be the best friends I ever made.

My mother finally came around about 3 years after I graduated. She threw on my old sweatshirt w/ letters one day and wore it to the grocery store). An alum happened to see her and starting raving--are you an alum-where was your daughter a member---is she ever in town..." It turned out I was in the process of moving to their town and this alum introduced me into their chapter a few months later. My mother started singing a different song after that. She said, "That XYZ. It's not a bad group, you know. I'm glad you joined."

nittanyalum · #4 10-02-2007, 10:57 PM

I'm confused too, back in August you were asking about colonizing a new NPC chapter at your school -- had you just not run the idea by your parents yet?

If what you're asking is if someone can work and be in a sorority at the same time, the answer is yes, it just takes very good time management skills. AND money management skills. Because if you're working just to pay for sorority, you'll really need to make sure you can afford it and that you understand you may miss some events (which you're paying for with your dues) because you have to work... I've seen sisters get really frustrated when they can't get their work schedules and sorority schedules to match. But many, many, many people do it, it just takes that extra level of commitment and determination.

You'll also need to make sure you'll be able to keep your grades up both for the sorority and also because if they slip, won't your parents wonder why? And can you "hide" that you're working or the reason why you're working? Will your parents wonder where all the money you're making from your job is going? Just some things to think about, if your parents are supporting you in school otherwise (especially financially), make good decisions and be careful about how comfortable you are with any kind of deception.

And no, you don't necessarily need your parents "permission" to join from the sorority's point of view, you're over 18 (I'm assuming) and an adult. But you may want to check things like if a chapter house is involved, is a parent co-signer required on the lease? Or is another co-signer allowed and do you have someone else who can co-sign?

I'm sure it's frustrating that your parents don't understand why you want to do this and that it's important to you -- I hope you're able to either change their minds or find a way to fund your membership yourself (and perhaps still be honest with them about what you're doing). Good luck!

Redraidergirl · #5 10-02-2007, 10:57 PM

well let put it this way... i am Indian. my parents were born there i was born here. they still cling onto the traditional ways while i am more progressive. they are also a kinda of indian christian which is strict, while i am more baptist.

basically i was wondering if anyone else went through something similar [even if not Indian]

SoCalGirl · #6 10-02-2007, 11:02 PM

Whether a chapter is gunshy of sophomores or juniors would depend on the campus. The further south east you go the more likely you'll have problems.

My chapter had girls with traditional "old country" parents who still managed to work and earn money pay for dues and such. It's completely possible, but the key factor is whether YOU are good with your time management and sticking to your priorities.

Redraidergirl · #7 10-02-2007, 11:42 PM

if all else fails... as in i can't find a job, my parents won't support me or i can't find the time...
i can always AI.

nittanyalum · #8 10-02-2007, 11:50 PM

You forgot the smirky "smiley" after your last line. PLEASE GOD, tell me you meant to put a smirky smiley...

rhoyaltempest · #9 10-03-2007, 12:53 AM

When people are having this problem, I always wonder about how exactly they present sorority or fraternity life to their parents. I think in some cases people are either not providing enough information or they are providing the wrong information. It might be more convincing and more personal to actually pick a group that you are thinking about trying to join and do your research and then to present to your parents what this org is doing in the community and talk about their philanthropy and give examples. Talk about all the great things they do; from raising funds for different causes to giving out scholarship awards. No one can deny that we do great things but we have to be informed about what's going on and share this information with others so they are less inclined to believe the negative. Even provide your parents with some literature and introduce them to a member if you know someone. Overall, I think you have to make it more personal. If you just talk about the orgs in general, they will be more inclined to believe stereotypes. You have to show them something real. As for "paying for friends," this to me is ridiculous. Our orgs are non-profit organizations and all non-profit organizations (including church congregations) have to depend on their members (or sponsors, donors, partners, etc.) to help finance the many expenses and duties that go into running an organization or business. It's that simple. So when people try to accuse me of "paying for friends," that's what I tell them. Good luck to you!

#10 10-03-2007, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redraidergirl

if all else fails... as in i can't find a job, my parents won't support me or i can't find the time...
i can always AI.

Oh Jesus H. Christ I know you just did NOT go there.

SigKapAngel767 · #11 10-03-2007, 06:41 AM

Taualumna · #12 10-03-2007, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redraidergirl

well let put it this way... i am Indian. my parents were born there i was born here. they still cling onto the traditional ways while i am more progressive. they are also a kinda of indian christian which is strict, while i am more baptist.

basically i was wondering if anyone else went through something similar [even if not Indian]

A little off topic here, but aren't Indian Christians usually Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox? How is that "more strict" than Baptist? I have both Baptist and Roman Catholic family members and the RC ones are usually LESS conservative.

AOII Angel · #13 10-03-2007, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

A little off topic here, but aren't Indian Christians usually Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox? How is that "more strict" than Baptist? I have both Baptist and Roman Catholic family members and the RC ones are usually LESS conservative.

It's more stict because the Indian part. These families still follow very strict guidelines that American Baptist and Catholics mellowed on a long time ago. I know quite a few Indian Christians who are very progressive, but their parents are not so progressive. One of my friends even got pushed into a disasterous arranged marriage that almost ruined his career. If you ever spoke to him, you'd leave amazed that he ever agreed to having an arranged marriage. It's amazing the kind of pressure parents can put on these first generation Americans. Redraidergirl, I think you need to consider the consequences of your actions should your parents find out. If you are willing to deal with their disapproval and work to prove them wrong, then go for it. If their finding out would ruin your entire life, because their disapproval would destroy you emotionally, think twice about going behind their backs.

Redraidergirl · #14 10-03-2007, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

A little off topic here, but aren't Indian Christians usually Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox? How is that "more strict" than Baptist? I have both Baptist and Roman Catholic family members and the RC ones are usually LESS conservative.

actually my family isn't RC or Eastern Othr. [if that were the case you're right they would be more liberal...]
we're pentecostal, yea the crazy people.... but not as strict as to where i can't cut my hair or wear jeans/pants and stuff.
sorry i meant smirky. but i was really tired and could firgure you how to do it.

AOII Angel · #15 10-03-2007, 09:58 AM

Maybe try bringing bits and pieces about the noble aspects of sororities to your parents attention. I'm sure all they know are the sordid details propagated by the media in this country. Did you know that many of the NPC groups are based on Christian ideals? This could reassure them that you won't be drawn from your own Christian roots. Even the non-christian based groups, i.e. Phi Sigma Sigma and the Jewish based sororities, live by rituals that I'm sure would enspire pride in the strictest of Christians. Tell them about all of the community service that takes place in the groups on your campus. Find out the all women's GPA and the all sorority GPA and show them that the average sorority woman does better scholastically than the average female college student. Also, you may want to also point out to them that there are many sorority women who do not drink alcohol or party, (not that there is anything wrong with that!) so if these are problems for them, you can address that too! Let them know that while you embrace your Indian heritage, you also want to experience what it is to be an American college student.

My parents are Non-denominational which is on the same arm as pentecostal, so I understand how strict they can be. Luckily for me, my mother used to know some sorority women when she was in college and actually encouraged my sister and me to rush. Sounds like you need to do some work before you jump into anything.