I miss my ex

[AlphaSigLana]

My ex broke up with me in June by email, but lately I have missing him like crazy. I want to talk to him and see what he has been up to. I am so lonley for affection(not sex- I wanted to clear that up before someone thought i meant something else). I am so upset thinking about going back to school and seeing him with another girl. I also know his fraternity is doing homecoming with the delta zeta's and I keep thinkig he'll start dating one of them. What do you do when you think about your ex a lot? Have you ever gotten back together with an ex when they have dumped you in a crappy way?

[SigmaChiCard]

not that this helps you in any way really

but one fortune I've had is the ability to never miss an ex-, peculiar really...well, I've had moments, but for the most part, I either totally discern myself with them, or become good friends...regardless I've only missed people I would have liked to have dated...and believe me, that I plague myself with.

If he broke up with you by e-mail then...well, nevermind but don't fret~ life goes on, "tomorrow the sun will rise..."
Live for yourself and you'll learn to act rather than react, and only you will affect how you feel, not those around you...my zen prophecy- forgive me...

Cory

[Hootie]

You need to read my post in the Chi Omega Forum...my boyfriend JUST broke up with me on Wednesday via email. My Chi Omega internet sisters can back me up in saying...any guy who does that a. has no balls and b. isn't worthy of dating you.

My previous ex and I dated for a year and a half. Luckily, I didn't have to see him at my school or anything. However at first, it really bothered me to think he could move on and perhaps treat another girl better than me, or love them more than me. But time heals all heart aches. You can ask anyone. The first 6 months are always the hardest. But the lesson I've learned is to not put yourself out there to date before you're ready. And don't do it to show him you've moved on either. You'll just mess up the new relationship and then feel doubly hurt in the end.
Good luck and just know that it DOES get better. Remember that it's okay to cry about it, it's okay to miss him, and it's normal to want to have what you once had. But also know bigger and better things are to come.
With sisterly love,
Hootie

[AlphaSigLana]

Hootie,
Thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate it. I am glad someone understands what i am going through. You gave me a new perspective on things when you discussed not dating someone just to show him a thing or two and not rush into dating if not ready. I would never want to use a guy, but it could happen if i rushed into dating too soon- not purposely though.

[James]

Hmmmm, I can't say I have never missed or had mixed feelings for an ex, but I have been lucky in the sense that I have never had a relationship go sour before I was basically done with it. Which ofcouse means in some ways I would end the relationship because my behavior/attentions would change.

This usually happened after I recognized that the person didn't fit my idea of what I thought a partner needed to be for a healthy two-way relationship to exist.

Techniques that I have used involve unplugging my answering machine and phone for a while. That way I never have to agonize whether the person is going to call me or not, I took away their power to do so.

I avoid going to places I know they will be for a while.

I realize that going back to something that already hasn't worked is borderline insanity.

I hold the pathetic mirror up to myself periodically. Basically the pathetic mirror is an imaginary conversation you have to have with an unsympathetic no nonsense abrasive person to whom you are explaining your thoughts and actions . . . I use it to modify my behvior sometimes when I am about to do something unwise.

[gammazetagrl]

Yeah, it's really easy to fall into these kinds of "lapses". But I think you can never really say you are over an ex until you can imagine seeing him with another girl and not be jealous. It wasn't until very recently that I have been able to do that. I thought that just because I wasn't hurting or crying anymore, and that I was able to get on w/ my normal daily routine instead of moping around, that I was over him. Then little things like seeing other girls' names in his cellphone addy book, or even just the thought of him going to mixers this fall would make me jealous and get me down all over again. But at least, as time passes by, everytime this happens, I am able to get over it quicker than the last time, and become stronger.

My ex is currently on vacation visiting this family his family is friends w/. The daughter of that family and him, had some sort of fling or whatever way back, and before he left I thought of the two of them hanging out (w/ the possibility that something might even happen)in the whole 2 weeks and i got jealous, sad, and even dwelt on it in such a pathetic way...I would be looking in my watch the day he left and ask my friend "you know the two of them are making out right now probably" or something like that....but as the days wore on, without seeing or talking to him, and with only myself, I am able to think that even though I miss him and grateful for what we shared, there is still life ahead and that Hootie is right, better things are waiting for us. I do wish that he has a good time over there in vacation but I can think now that he and that girl might have hooked up and it doesn't matter to me anymore. He and I are over, and so what if they hook up? I know that whatever happens, I'll always be his friend, and i just wish for his happiness. Lana, I think that unless you and your ex would be able to keep a mature platonic friendly conversation, I would advise against talking to him because in the state you are right now, you don't want emotions to take over while u talk to him. Give it time...and so what if his fraternity is doing homecoming with the DZs, and that he might hook up w/ one of them Hey, your sorority would be doing homecoming w/ a fraternity too!

but what do i do when I was missing my ex? Personally, I avoided listening to sappy love songs because they had that effect of making me cry because I felt that it was written for me...instead I listened to "girl power songs" like Stronger by Britney, He's Got To Go by Destiny's Child, and Let Me Let u Know by Pink. Pain by Dream is a good one too They totally made me feel better.

I also went back to stuff that I used to like that I never have time for now, like reading, shopping (at least im not hurrying anymore)...and the best one: i busted out my old addy book and gave my out of touch friends a call. And I hung out with my friends and sisters. Times like these, you need good friends to chill with!

[SSS1365]

I just broke up with my bf a week ago. Apparently the distance was just too much (even though we'd already been dealing with it for a year and a half and only have 9 months to go?). Anyway, so it's been really hard on me trying to get over him, cuz ya know, we're doing the whole "we're still gonna be friends" thing. Yeah. Well anyway, I made this list of 10 reasons to get over him and every time I start feeling sad I just look at my list. It really helps to make me keep a level head about the whole thing.

[Dianne]

My first real serious boyfriend dumped me when I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college...FOR ANOTHER GIRL!! I didn't have the luxury of letting my imagination run wild; I knew exactly what was going on. What's worse is that the girl he dumped me for is a Theta at my school. Come fall, I went through rush, and saw her at the Theta house. I wanted to die! Even though I liked Theta, I knew she would vote against me and talk mad sh*t about me to all her sisters. It was like adding insult to injury. But I lived. Keep yourself busy, and you will find that you aren't even thinking about him. Revenge is always nice, too.

------------------
"Seek the noblest."
Zeta Love! <3

[finest_alum]

Lana,
Hey girl! I'm sorry to hear about you and your man! I was in a similar situation and had to see this chick all over campus. It sucked, but I lived through it. (definitely had a few rough nights)
Keep in mind that it's HIS problem, not yours!!!! Keep busy, and keep in mind what everyone here said.. that if he couldn't even break up face to face then he is NOT worth you!!!!!
You will meet someone else, (If not, I have a few boys I know in Denver I can send up your way )
And dont you worry about those DZ's... you have no way of knowing (nor should you, it would be torture) who he decides to hook up with, and if they are in DZ, that doesn't make them one bit better or ANYTHING than you.

[AlphaSigLana]

I like Janet's newest song where she talks about falling hard and in love easily. That is so me. Why do I fall in love when I know I am only going to get hurt?- Believe me i have been dumped in some pretty mean and crazy ways.

[AlphaSigLana]

ZTAMichigan- Your ex has no right to read your email. That is disrespectful. It is kind of like reading your journal- you can't be mad if you see something you don't like bc you didn't have the right to read it in the first place.

[AlphaSigLana]

Hey Delta1902
He broke up with me because he said he likes hanging out with his friends. He ignored me the four weeks before that. Everything was fine and then I move home and everything changes.
We're doing homecoming with DTD, but we do everything with DTD. Plus most of my sisters already like guys in that house.
I am really excited about going back to school and rush. I hope the rest of your summer is great Erica!

[delta1902]

Originally posted by AlphaSigLana:
My ex broke up with me in June by email, but lately I have missing him like crazy. I want to talk to him and see what he has been up to. I am so lonley for affection(not sex- I wanted to clear that up before someone thought i meant something else). I am so upset thinking about going back to school and seeing him with another girl. I also know his fraternity is doing homecoming with the delta zeta's and I keep thinkig he'll start dating one of them. What do you do when you think about your ex a lot? Have you ever gotten back together with an ex when they have dumped you in a crappy way?

Hi Lana,

I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for what happened. I never would have expected such a looser act to come from him. What was his reason for your break up?

With greek life being so small on our campus, where everyone knows everyone, and what is going on in their lives. I can understand why you're so upset. However, you need to look on the brighter side of things...

You have your work week in three weeks which means that you'll get to see all of your sister's, and be back in a supportive enviroment again. There is rush in September (yeah ) and then Homcoming. Your looking to far ahead. Who know's by the time Homecoming roles around you might be back together or maybe even friends, and have worked out your difference's....

So, my advice is not to worry about it until it happends, and take the advice from the other memebers that have posted too.

Also, if your worried about my sister's hooking up with your ex don't waste your energy. Once they find out how cruel he was to you they will have no interest. Plus, a lot of girls in the house have been dating Sigma Chi's.

Take care

P.S. Who is your house doing Homecoming with?



[This message has been edited by delta1902 (edited July 27, 2001).]

[princessgin]

AlphaSigLana, I feel for ya babe. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me when he went to college because he wanted make sure that there was no one else out there for him & that he needed to experience being young. I just knew that he would find an awesome girl and that the chance of us getting back together was hopeless. Well, I was so wrong. I continued to pray for that 10% chance that we would be with one another again. It took 5 months for him to realize that I was all he needed & there was no use in searching for anything else. So be patient, sweetheart. Stay busy and try not to get depressed. Enjoy yourself ~ as hard as that may seem. Oh ya, the best advice I ever got was "Don't ask. If it's good info on him it'll get your hopes too high, if it's bad, it'll make you cry." In other words don't try to find out where he'll be, who he was with, or what he's been up to... in the end it'll be better not knowing.

[AlphaSigLana]

Yeah you are right about not asking. When I asked my big if he said anything when she returned his stuff for me- she said no. I was disappointed. I just need to focus on my self right now.