HELP! Auburn PNM question!

[AuburnPNMmom]

Hey! I am a mom of a PNM who made it to pref day with 3 choices she was not excited about -

[Benzgirl]

Does she like the other girls in the house that she received the COB from? What are her objections to that house?

[AuburnPNMmom]

She only knows the one girl - I think because she is so blonde and the girls in this sorority are not, that she feels she may not belong. I have encouraged her not to listen to what others say about the sororities--- Frankly, though she may look like she would belong in the one she wanted, I have not been impressed with the actions of the girls I have met and am glad she got cut from them. Convincing her of that is another story. Otherwise, she knows nothing about the individual girls. She had fun at the supper they took her to a few nights ago and tonight will meet some of the actual pledges.....

[BSCAXO]

I just PM'd you.

[AuburnMom]

It is much harder to recieve a bid as a Sophmore at Auburn then it would be as a Freshman, especially if your daughter is limiting herself to only 4 out of the 16 sororities on campus (which is how I interpreted your remarks above). The Panhellenic office might be able to tell you how many Sophmores get bids each year, but I doubt they are going to be able to tell you how many get bids to just certain sororites (i.e. the 4 your daughter likes).

I would encourage her to think long and hard about joining the sorority that COB'ed her and remind her that if she passes this one up too (because I think you said she passed up the first COB), it will get increasingly harder to join a sorority. If she's truly in it for the sisterhood and not just for the prestige, she should be able to find a home in more then just her top four sororities!

That said, if she really doesn't like this sorority and wants to hold out and rerush next fall, she's going to have to keep her grades up, get involved in campus, and if possible, befriend some of the actives in the sororities she does want to join. Even with all of that, it may be difficult for her next year.

Good luck to her and to you!

[SydneyK]

I guess my only advice for you, mom, is to be supportive of your daughter's decision. But, you have to let your daughter make that decision, as she's the one who will be making the commitments/living with the consequences that come with whatever she decides.

As for advice for your daughter (yes, I realize she didn't solicit it, but her mom asked, nonetheless)... There are many excellent reasons to join a particular sorority. There are also many excellent reasons not to join a particular sorority. If she's in it for the sisterhood, philanthropy, social outlets, etc., then she's going to get what she's looking for no matter which group she joins (assuming everything I've heard about AU sororities is true). If she's looking for a particularly-lettered feather in her cap, then she obviously has her mind made up. She's really the only one who can make this choice, and nothing anyone here says will make much of a difference.

She can always depledge before she initiates if she decides that sorority life is right for her, but this particular sorority isn't (if she initiates, she can't ever join another group). This could very likely affect her in the future (should she decide to rush again), but it's still an option.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by AuburnMom

If she's truly in it for the sisterhood and not just for the prestige, she should be able to find a home in more then just her top four sororities!

Amen!

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

She only knows the one girl - I think because she is so blonde and the girls in this sorority are not, that she feels she may not belong. I have encouraged her not to listen to what others say about the sororities--- Frankly, though she may look like she would belong in the one she wanted, I have not been impressed with the actions of the girls I have met and am glad she got cut from them. Convincing her of that is another story. Otherwise, she knows nothing about the individual girls. She had fun at the supper they took her to a few nights ago and tonight will meet some of the actual pledges.....

I would say that not wanting to be blonder than the other members is an unusual standard to use in choosing a group and it's particularly hard to offer suggestions in solving this particular dilemma.

Perhaps once you have gotten as much information from Greek Life as you can about how many sophomores typically get bids at the group that your daughter really wanted during recruitment, and honestly, they are the only ones who can provide this information accurately if they are willing to, then your should encourage your daughter to follow her heart (she can always find another haircolorist).

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

She only knows the one girl - I think because she is so blonde and the girls in this sorority are not, that she feels she may not belong. I have encouraged her not to listen to what others say about the sororities--- Frankly, though she may look like she would belong in the one she wanted, I have not been impressed with the actions of the girls I have met and am glad she got cut from them. Convincing her of that is another story. Otherwise, she knows nothing about the individual girls. She had fun at the supper they took her to a few nights ago and tonight will meet some of the actual pledges.....

You're kidding, right?

[sarasmile]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

She had suicided that sorority, and felt good about it. We were shocked when our Pi Chi called in the early morning to say that she was released. It has been a month and my daughter is still very upset. Her roommate went the sorority she wanted, and that has been hard. She received a bid from a sorority she didn't like at all during rush and turned it down and I can see that she was not a good fit there.

Are you saying that your daughter has received 1 COB already?

(Just trying to clarify - you said she suicided and was unmatched, but then you said that she recieved a bid. Before I give any sort of answer, just wanted to make sure that I'm picturing the right scenario in my head. )

[violetpretty]

She suicided and went unmatched. She was offered one COB bid and declined. She was offered a bid from another group, and is thinking about it.

[sarasmile]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

She suicided and went unmatched. She was offered one COB bid and declined. She was offered a bid from another group, and is thinking about it.

Thanks for the Cliff notes. My brain just isn't absorbing lengthy posts today.

I've always thought that all of the chapters at Auburn are wonderful groups in their own right. To have the opportunity to join 2 chapters via COB is an opportunity that many young women at Auburn would be thrilled to have.

Perhaps the OPs daughter should keep that in mind. I don't believe too many chapters at Auburn COB - if she has her heart set on only the "top 4" groups, its not likely to happen via COB. And I'd be surprised if she'd be able to get in by rusing as a sophomore, if she got cut from those 4 chapters as a freshman.

Tough to swallow, perhaps, but still the reality of the situation. I'd definitely be keeping an open mind about the chapters who do want her right now. If the chapters she wants are the ones I suspect, its not terribly likely she'll get a bid from them. (Not that they might not like her, but they probably don't have any more spots this year and will fill open spots next year with freshmen.)

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

We were shocked when our Pi Chi called in the early morning to say that she was released.

You rushed too? You both had the same PX?

But, her hesitation is that she wanted one of 4 sororities and should she wait to see if something opens up in January? I don't think any of the 4 give COB's from what I have heard.
This isn't going to happen at Auburn, at least with the groups that you and your daughter deem worthy of her.

I am so afraid that my pushing her to take this bid it is a bad idea.

It is your daughter's decision. Advise her if she asks, but push her?

In fact, we have 2 aunts who are both involved in their sororities at the national level. That didn't make any difference as that sorority dropped her.

Why should it make a difference?

I do think that some of the sororities knew which one she wanted from the start and that hurt her.

Hmmm. How would they have known that unless she told them? She did not maximize her options and set her sights on apparently unachievable goals in an ultracompetitive southern rush.

My biggest question is this? How can I find out the odds for a sophomore to get a bid at Auburn? The office is closed today and I don't even know if they can tell me or not what the statistics are.

Why are you doing this? If it's that important, why isn't your daughter making the call? It would only be a number and rush is about individuals. If your daughter is set on XYZ and they extended a bid to two Sophs, would that be enough to make her want to try? How about three? This isn't Vegas. This is the next four years of your daughter's life.

My daughter has always been popular and was in homecoming, a cheerleader and very outgoing and involved. She is a classic beauty and is not used to being the little fish in a big sea

This describes 99% of the girls rushing at Auburn. But they also grew up in places like Mountain Brook, went to the same schools and their daddies have played golf together at the same club for years.

She worries that the sorority who has given her this bid may not be where she fits in......

I doubt this is the issue at all. You seem much more concerned about
her not being in a lower tier sorority that is somehow beneath her. You know, the ones that have to COR now.

I apologize to the other fine Greek Chatters for my lack of decorum, but the constant thwack thwack thwack of the helicopters over the past couple of weeks has turned my brain to mush. If indeed this poster isn't yet another spoof.

[AuburnPNMmom]

Sorry- stopped for lunch! Let me try to respond to the comments.

Violet pretty said it right!
She suicided and went unmatched. She was offered one COB bid and declined. She was offered a bid from another group, and is thinking about it.

Am I kidding? No, I am just stating the facts. It is difficult to make an 18 year old see things the way we older girls do. I know, and you know, it ought to be based on the personalities only, but it is not. Both in the rushing sorority and the rushee. That is one of the things that matters to a girl just out of high school. Believe you me, I have told her it is her decision and to please make it based on how she interacts with these other girls. I also want to give her some idea of what she may face if she turns this down. I don't think the sororities she would like to be in (there are actually 10 of the 16 she in interested in, just had a top pick) offer COB bids and take very many upperclassmen. I also pointed out that the 2 sororities who have offered bids may not look at her next year.

I guess I just needed other girls who understood what I am feeling here. Helpless and seeking to say the right thing to help my daughter make the best decision.

My reason for coming here was to seek out information on the liklihood of upperclassmen getting in. I was not trying to find her a place. That is not my responsibility. I have only been to the campus 2 times as it is.

[AuburnPNMmom]

This describes 99% of the girls rushing at Auburn. But they also grew up in places like Mountain Brook, went to the same schools and their daddies have played golf together at the same club for years.

this is exactly how my daughter described feeling during rush.

No, I DID NOT rush. Forgive the slip of my tongue. I was touched by the young lady who came and told my daughter she was released. I was very impressed with the pi chi system.

I doubt this is the issue at all. You seem much more concerned about
her not being in a lower tier sorority that is somehow beneath her. You know, the ones that have to COR now.
WOW - I have been slapped, I guess. I would rather my daughter be with girls who will be friends for years to come. Since I have never known much about Auburn, I have been fortunate to now know which ones are the tops or bottoms. I was only referring to where my daughter saw herself.