My BF lost his job..

[WVU alpha phi]

My boyfriend of almost a year called me this afternoon to tell me he was fired today. He's been with the company for 3 months and was put on a 45 day enhancement plan, and they fired him at day 30. He was not 100% surprised, but nevertheless is upset and feels wronged. I feel terrible for him, especially since he has made comments lately about me having such good job security, and I know money has been tight for him lately (he was out of work for 2 months prior to this most recent job).

He's back at my apartment right now (we don't live together but he spends every night). I want to do something to show him how bad I feel for him.. but what? Also, we have a pretty expensive vacation planned in early July and I know he will be concerned about costs with that now too. How do I handle this situation?

[PM_Mama00]

Offer to cancel the vacation. If you can't do that, you could always spend the evening looking for cheap or free things to do on that vacation. Don't offer to take him out to dinner or spend money on him. Some guys get their egos crushed when their girl makes more money. (which really shouldn't matter but he's probably going to be sensitive and on edge so to avoid a fight or hurt feelings, it's probably not a good idea). Stay home and play board games or cards. There are plenty of free and cheap things for couples to do.

[ThetaDancer]

Ooo I'm sorry WVU alpha phi

I have had several good friends lose their jobs in the past year or so...I will share some of my experiences with you and perhaps there is something that will be helpful, although I definitely know each situation is unique. Mainly, I tried to just be a good listener, and be available to them when they needed a friend. They all needed to take some time to just sort of sulk, and I gave them the freedom to do so, but then after a certain point I tried to help them pick themselves up. I wrote each one a letter reminding them of all of the things I think are wonderful about them, because I found that they each went through a phase when they felt like they weren't good at anything, their luck would never change, etc. I think it helped for them to be reminded that they were still loved and that this isn't the end of the world, even though it can feel like it at the time.

In terms of the vacation, maybe there are some ways it can be scaled back? Like PM Mama said, there are probably a lot of options for free or cheap activities, especially if you do a little research ahead of time.

[WVU alpha phi]

Skimping on vacation is definitely a good idea. We got a REALLY good deal on the hotel so I doubt we'll cancel, but I know he has already made reservations at a nice restaurant to celebrate our anniversary.. so we may have to rethink that. He's definitely the type of guy who would get offended by me paying for things unless it's something like takeout dinner for us.

I know losing a job is definitely ego-crushing. I was out of work last year for 2 months and I definitely got to a point of "I'm not good enough, no one will even consider me for an interview." I think that's going to be the hardest part for him too.

Thanks for the suggestions.. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he'll be one of the few lucky ones in today's economy to land a new job relatively quickly.

[KSUViolet06]

I wouldn't go CRAZY offering to pay for EVERYTHING, because alot of times it makes people feel worse.

Just be mindful of it and scale back on some of the things you'd normally do. Stay in and cook together instead of going out to eat, that sort of thing.

[VandalSquirrel]

If he's going to be going on interviews perhaps give him the gift of a professional resume critiquer (someone who does it for a living) and printing it on nice paper, and maybe make an interview survival kit. Breath mints, coins for parking meters or the tolls small bills for parking garages or the metro. Maybe a haircut or a shoeshine, something to help boost his confidence when he starts interviewing that is functional yet important.

[LucyKKG]

On the vacation topic: http://www.free-attractions.com/
and http://www.factorytoursusa.com/Index.asp.

Free random things to do in each state + free factory tours. I think candy shops and beer factories sound fun!

[WVU alpha phi]

Thanks everyone for the great ideas! I said something last night about talking about canceling our vacation, and he said he absolutely didn't want to do that. I just told him I'd be there for him no matter what and that I understand he's going through a hard time.. I think just my saying that seemed to help. And I definitely won't go overboard paying for things- I can't afford to do that! We've been in this situation before and turned it into more of a lifestyle change, like eating in or not going out on the weekends.

I like the resume critique idea. I'm in HR so I always help him with his resume, which helps because it was not so good before I got my hands on it!

[LucyKKG]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

And I definitely won't go overboard paying for things- I can't afford to do that! We've been in this situation before and turned it into more of a lifestyle change, like eating in or not going out on the weekends.

That's kind of where my bf and I are right now. I haven't had a job since the summer (I'm still in school), so my bank account is pretty sad right now. I like to cook, so we cook at home more often. We're going on a road trip this summer, and we're doing a lot of camping cause it's cheaper.

[srmom]

So sorry to hear about the job losses!!

My best friend's husband just lost his job too. They have 3 kids, one just graduated from college (thank GOD, because he was at a private!), one in college (at a public state U), and a high schooler. They are, as you can imagine, freaking out!! I hope they have savings to get them through, but with 2 college tuitions being paid the last few years, it may be much slimmer....

I pray for them and for all of y'all!! Please let this economic recovery come sooner than later, and let it come with employment opportunities!!!

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

On the vacation topic: http://www.free-attractions.com/
and http://www.factorytoursusa.com/Index.asp.

Free random things to do in each state + free factory tours. I think candy shops and beer factories sound fun!

Thanks for the links. I'm actually going to use it for my own state!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

On the vacation topic: http://www.free-attractions.com/
and http://www.factorytoursusa.com/Index.asp.

Free random things to do in each state + free factory tours. I think candy shops and beer factories sound fun!

Live-in's workplace is on that free attractions website. LOL - COME SEE TRADERS SCREAM OBSCENITIES AT ANYONE AND EVERYONE!!! FUN FOR (not the) WHOLE FAMILY!

[AGDee]

They are predicting that the unemployment rate in Michigan is going to rise to 20% over the next few months so it's a common thing here now. Those links are great. Camping *is* a great, cheap vacation, if you already own the gear. One of my work friends lost her job a couple months ago. She is a single mom with two teenagers and is really freaking out now. She had two job prospects but both companies went into hiring freezes right after she interviewed. I made the mistake of posting something about dreading Monday on Facebook and she posted something like "Be glad you still have a job", which made me feel badly. I won't be complaining about work on FB anymore. In fact, I'm being more careful about complaining about work in general everywhere I go because it's such a sensitive topic.

Praying my ex keeps his job... I can't afford to pay him child support <sigh>.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by AGDee

They are predicting that the unemployment rate in Michigan is going to rise to 20% over the next few months so it's a common thing here now. Those links are great. Camping *is* a great, cheap vacation, if you already own the gear. One of my work friends lost her job a couple months ago. She is a single mom with two teenagers and is really freaking out now. She had two job prospects but both companies went into hiring freezes right after she interviewed. I made the mistake of posting something about dreading Monday on Facebook and she posted something like "Be glad you still have a job", which made me feel badly. I won't be complaining about work on FB anymore. In fact, I'm being more careful about complaining about work in general everywhere I go because it's such a sensitive topic.

Praying my ex keeps his job... I can't afford to pay him child support <sigh>.

I never appreciated the couple hundred a week I was making before. Now when I hear people bitch about "ugh I hate Mondays" and "ugh I hate meetings" I wana slap them and tell them "you could be me. you could have sat on your ass for 3 months feeling worthless". I ended up with a job making less than 1/4th of what I was making before.

Just keep being supportive. Make him feel special and like he isn't worthless.

[alum]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Praying my ex keeps his job... I can't afford to pay him child support <sigh>.

I always got the impression that the kids were with you. Why would you be paying cs if that's the case?