Loneliness

[AlphaSigLana]

Today I started thinking about my ex and it really got me down. I don't understand why he broke up with me.He did it by email and all he said was he likes to spend time with his friends. It took him four weeks before he even had the guts to talk to me. He dumped me 2 wks ago today. I never feel like i am good enough for anyone. Has anyone ever felt this way? Has anyone ever wanted to switch schools and start all over?

[newbie]

Originally posted by AlphaSigLana:
Today I started thinking about my ex and it really got me down. I don't understand why he broke up with me.He did it by email and all he said was he likes to spend time with his friends. It took him four weeks before he even had the guts to talk to me. He dumped me 2 wks ago today. I never feel like i am good enough for anyone. Has anyone ever felt this way? Has anyone ever wanted to switch schools and start all over?

Aww, girlie, I'm so sorry . Ya know what? Now's the BEST time to induldge yourself - get that new shirt you've been eyeing, get that extra scoop of ice cream, go out on the town with the girls - ANYTHING to keep you busy, to keep him offf your mind!!! For one thing, I think that was a jerky act that he did - dumping you by e-mail. How immature. You totally deserve someone who can actually talk to you face-to-face!!!!!!! You seem like a really cool, intelligent girl from your posts and your e-mails . I have no doubt in my mind that you will totally heal - just give it time, sweetie .

All you can do now, is engross yourself in some fun activities. Hang with your friends and family. Do something new - like, I don't know - if you've always wondered about bungee jumping, why not try it? Soak in a bubble bath or somehting. The best revenge you can get against your ex is to SHOW him how wonderful you are WITHOUT him. Show him that you're doing great (though deep down you might not be feeling all that good)...that'll make him wonder.

Sometimes revenge is SOOO very sweet . And, from my experience, once you PRETEND that you're feeling fabulous - you actually START feeling great!!!!!!!

Though it seems like you might not ever get over him - time is the best healer of all things . So, in the meantime, treat yourself like a princess, b/c you ARE one!!!!!!!!!!

And, soon, some guy who is sooo awesome and soo DESERVING of your care and love will come around...until then, treat YOURSELF first!! B/c if you don't take care of yourslef first, you can't really take care of someone else!!!


[This message has been edited by newbie (edited June 28, 2001).]

[AlphaSigLana]

Thanks Newbie- I am sending you a Greek love hug. I don't have much time to enjoy myself bc I work 7 days a wk and I don't have a car!

[worriedsenior]

Newbie is right, if you start pretending you feel great, you actually will...think of it like method acting, really get into the role.

I always thought about changing schools when things got me down. It's like mentally running away from your problems. The thing is, don't define yourself by the way others treat you. There are a lot of jerks in this world and usually, they have as many issues to deal with as the rest of us. If they didn't, they wouldn't be jerks. The really neat thing about GC is- when you are an unseen, unknown entity, your true self comes through. I can tell you are down on your self from a few of your posts. I(and other) also see the kind, gentle soul you have. You express yourself in an intelligent way and the emotion almost jumps off the page. What a talent! Have no doubt, you will meet some-
one who will value this quality, That's the prize and it's well worth waiting for.

YOU HAVE TO KISS A LOT OF FROGS BEFORE YOU FIND YOUR PRINCE!

[gammazetagrl]

WARNING: a really long post!

hmm newbie, sounds like a REALLY familiar situation don't it?

Now Lana I know I promised u an email but for some reason my hotmail account has been messing up on me right now..i can't even check it..it keeps giving me that "try again later" crap... so i will write here instead...GCers feel free to skip this long ass post...and moderators, i hope i don't get booted for writing such a long one.

there is nothing worse than coming off a breakup and having no car so u can't drive yourself to the mall or go visit a friend to distract yourself...I (still)don't have a car so I was stuck at home for a week as I didn't get put in schedule for work yet after my ex dumped me. It was horrible, because it is when you are alone that all the memories of the past relationship come back to you and the thought that it's over can really make someone feel that life might as well be over (well, pathetic as it may sound, i really felt that way!)...at least you are lucky because you have work to distract you...i was still unemployed with only talkshows on tv to accompany me and it didn't help if they had those "reunited first love topics"..and yes, I did contemplate transferring schools...actually since we didn't go to the same campus anyway I just thought of going to community college as I couldn't see myself dealing with the rigors of unversity life and being away from home, etc...and that meant I would have to give up everything including my scholarship,GLO,friends, and etc...I actually also thought of transferring to his school just for a sec but that would make me one of the "psycho exes" and I didn'twant him to hate me...we ended on good terms, so last thing I needed was trample on the fragile threads of a possible friendship we have left.

But like newbie wisely said (and believe me, she knows, she gave me lots of advice when i was getting over my own breakup!)now is the time to take care of yourself. The very first things that girls like us need to deal with are OURSELVES. Yes, it really will seem like a part of you has died right now, but hey, it's been only two weeks for you. We have been part of a couple for some time but yet now it is hard to stomach that we are alone...and i know it is hard to believe right now, but once time allows you to heal, you will look back and think about how this experience has made you a BETTER,STRONGER person. It could also help u with future relationships because you have experience on what could go wrong. You might even think about how "damn, i cant believe i cried that much!" or something, like i do now ...did u know that I went as far to looking up in the yellow pages for counselors because I felt so distraught i thought i needed COUNSELING? (i never called though, but thinking of it now makes me smile) See, now you can totally be yourself and indulge in what you like. I, for myself, went shopping (my own kind of therapy) and did something I haven't done in awhile....I went back on the ice--figure skating I mean. College and the lack of time has made me quit, but being back out there on the ice has made me feel the comfort of an old friend. So now, you can go back and do something you loved but didn't have time for anymore, or try something new. Remember, there is no one to stop u, u dont even have to be conscious about "oh man i have to leave, we have a date"...know what i mean?

And of course, there is the comfort of your friends,sisters, and family. Since I was unemployed in that hard first week, I basically called our entire summer phone list (all of my sisters live so far away from me)and my high school friends. It's okay to cry to them, they will be there for u. I admit that i hated hanging up the phone because talking to them made me feel better but once i hang up i get that "im alone" feeling again. And i had to fight the urge to call my ex like every second, because i wanted to resolve our "what ifs," "possibly" "maybe if we..."...now that was verrryyyy hard. Yeah I finally called him like once, and i actually asked him back which of course he declined...that bastard! j/k. LoL.

I contemplated throwing out his stuff or at least giving them back (i actually had a forum here in GC about the Greek stuff especially his lavaliere)but i didn't. I just put them in a box so I didn't have to look at them because at the state I was in, I would have only cried harder. Because if u try to look back now, it will only make u lonelier, but as time passes by, only the good memories will surface so if u look back by then, you can only smile and think about "wow, that was a great time"....and now, i can safely look in my "breakup kit" as my sisters and I call it, and only go "awwww we were so cute" at the pics or "oh, this was so sweet of him"....

now i dont wanna getyour hopes up, but there is always a chance of getting back together...sometimes people just need time apart from each other to see how they really need them, and emerge stronger than ever the second time. but lemme ask u this, do u really want to be w/ a guy who isn't even man enough to breakup in person? my sister told me, maybe he will realize he's not as happy as he thought he would be as a bachelor, and ending up missing u alot and then he would go back to u. but of course, DONT WAIT AROUND FOR THAT...just keep being his friend but at the same time dont be afraid to check out "what's out there" and life shouldn't stop....and who knows, by the time my ex comes around, I probably would have totally moved on and if he asks me back I would say no, because i have moved on to bigger and better things.

Some people need to be absent from each other to heal themselves, and I am assuming that u and your ex live far from each other right? So without him, you might be able to think more clearly and heal better...or you could be like me, im the type where I need to see him (well I can't really help it coz we actually WORK together and he still drives me back n forth work, so yeah i lost a bf but i gained a friend/chauffeur---ok that was mean of me! j/k)to give the issue some kind of closure. I know if i didnt see him I would have pined away endlessly but since he's right there, I have to reallyd eal with the new sitch of us being friends. And you know what, it worked...so far we have maintained a platonic,civil friendship. I even bought his dumper a** a birthday present, haha....I thought about how i might not be able to handle working with him but i knew quitting was a sign of weakness...and lol, like newbie said, make him see what he's missing, right?

and last,but not least, since i know i have to end this letter soon...LOOK FAB! they're right, if u do look fab on the outside soon you will really feel it too. i hafta admit post breakup, i neglected my appearance. I didnt feel like making myself look nice since "what's the point, no one's looking at me anymore"..but WRONG, there's a whole world of cute guys out tehre!i didnt do my makeup,nails and hair. then like when it was finally time for me to go back to work, i saw myself in the mirror, and was like, "Shit, how can i allow this to myself?"...so of course, i went all out and i actually caught my ex sneaking glances at me...Ha Ha! newbie said it right, there's nothing like revenge...but who knows, someday i could tell him newbie style,"hey you had your chance, but now can't touch this babyyyy!"

okay, there's my huge ass two cents. hope i helped.

PS: I have a forum "is it possible to stay friends w/ an ex" in chit chat, i dunno if u saw it yet.

[newbie]

**warning*** super long post...

My gosh - you girls are AWESOME. What great advice, girls!!!!! Gammazetagrl, I was LMAO when I read your post - especially the line: "newbie said it right, there's nothing like revenge...but who knows, someday i could tell him newbie style,"hey you had your chance, but now can't touch this babyyyy!" HEHEHEE!! Gosh, gammazetagrl, you give EXCELLENT advice - wow, you didn't even need my advice, girl - your advice rocked!!

Lana - I cannot say enough on how EXCELLENT you are sweetie. Worriedsenior is right - your intelligence and care realy shines through in GC. We all KNOW what a diva you truly are - and you know what, divas like you rock! I'm really sorry that you have to work 7 days a week and cannot drive to places . Maybe you could borrow your parents' car if you can drive?? Also - I don't know how permitting this is - but maybe you could take a day off soon? It's wonders how ONE single day of pampering can totally rev your spirit. Do you work long days? If possible - I would take some hours to call up your sisters, your friends, your guy friends - anyone who's willing to listen and lend an ear. I know you're feeling SO down right now - but I know you will feel better soon. Unfortunately - life has its ups and downs, and unfortunately life has handed you a sour apple.

I knwo what you mean about "not feeling good enough for anyone." When my 2nd boyfriend (lol, this was so long time ago - but I still remember vividly what happened) dumped me cruelly (I don't really wanna get into details - kinda painful, but basically he was just an immature jerk (we were in 8th grade) and did some immature things to me - like tell everyone that I was a slut - b/c he was mad that i wouldn't sleep with him - I felt just SOOOOOOOOOO frickin low...I was "depressed" for so long, b/c I couldn't believe how a guy like him (I thought that he was really special) could spread such crude lies about me that were sooo far from the truth. For months - I was just on another planet. I wore like baggy clothes - b/c some ppl believed that jerka$$. So I didn't wear any makeup-- basically, allowed myself to look like $hit.

One day - just like Gammazetagrl - I realized how horrible I was treating myself. I realized that I was allowing that asshole to take control of my life basically. I realized that I was treating myself like shit - just what that asshole wanted. So, I dressed nicer, put on some makeup, walked into the room full of confidence - basically, just tried to shove the past (the hurt) away. Deep down inside, I was still so hurt. But I knew that on the outside I was looking really good. Soon - I felt SO wonderful on the inside even and knew that the only person who was in control of me was ME.

Yes, I also felt like transferring schools - for weeks, I was the subject of all gossip- which was really scary for me, b/c before the "slut" thing happened - I was popular basically. I felt like no one would ever like me again, adn that the world had ended, and that God was mad at me or something. I was just so sad...couldn't believe that I could be so wronged.

Well, I really don't know if this story helps any - but what I'm trying to say is that unfrotunately the world is full of ups and downs- and though many of us have gone through the downs - look at us now! Many of us go through the downs SO much stronger than we would have been without the downs. Ever since then - if some guy pressures me to have sex - and I don't want to with him - I kick him to the curb if he constantly asks. I never had such confidence b4 the bad incident happened.

Funny thing is - that guy (yes, that same guy) calls me constantly and bugs the hell out of me - saying that he's so sorry for the past and wishes he never said that, b/c it's not true. He goes to the same school as I, and I've heard he has major crush on me. Haha - life is sweet ...so realize, Lana, that though life seems like such a sucker now, life is funny sometimes, and soon - you'll realize why this incident had to happen to you!!!

Until then - I REALLY hope you stay strong and treat yourself the way you ought to be treated. Be the model of confidence - and you'll surely find the right guy, who'll understand what a real "man" (haha) is all about. You are SO SPECIAL - and unfortunately - that guy didn't realize that. his huge loss, right? Smile, Lana - and don't forget, we're always here for you!!!

P.S. So sorry for the long post- and I don't even know if the long story helped, lol

[AlphaSigLana]

thanks girls. Well I finally have a cell phone again. A little Ericcsson flip phone. Yeah! I have my weekday evenings free, but my parents usually don't get home until late and a lot of my friends live 45 min -hour away. Not far, but in Denver traffic it is a pain bc they are working on the roads- it is called the T-REx project. Basically it is a big, mean mess.