Candle Passing??

[EtaBetaDG]

Hey girls,
my name is Cara and I'm new to the forum. I'm a sophomore DG at the Eta Beta chapter, University of Hartford. I was newly elected vp: social standards and I've been looking around for ideas. I've noticed a lot of talk about candle passings... we don't do these and I'm curious what this is and how you do it? Thanks!

ITB,
Cara

[Benzgirl]

We used this to signify a milestone in a relationship.
The candle that went around once meant a member was lavaliered. If it went around twice, she was pinned. If it went around 3 times, she was engaged.

In our chapter, you left an anonymous note in the President's box that you wanted a candle passing. In a friend's chapter, you filled the candy bowl in the lobby to let the members know. Typically, the candle passing happened after a chapter meeting.

[EtaBetaDG]

what does it mean to be lavaliered/pinned? sorry, we don't do those at my school!

[dukedg]

Lavaliered, etc. are terms related to relationship commitment levels between a girl in the sorority and a boy she is dating (or in theory a girl she is dating, I suppose). Anyway, a candle pass is handled by the rituals director who works under vp: programming. Here is one recent thread about how it works.

I'm wondering if you mean more of a candle pass that is done to talk about what each member is going through. We used to do those at chapter retreat (both my own chapter and the one I advised) and called them Hannah Passes because we each passed Hannah around. I believe this would be more of a vp: social standards job than the other candle pass.

Other DGs - do you know what I'm talking about? Maybe someone else on here can better explain it.

[WhiteDaisy128]

My chapter did candle passes for lavaliering and engagement too. A note is slipped to the director of rituals and then they announce it at the end of chapter. We stood in a circle and a lit candle was passed all the way around once (for friendship), then it was passed again...if you had just gotten lavaliered, you blow the candle out when it gets to you. It goes around a third time for engagement.

We also did firesides...where you pass a candle around (like at sisterhood retreat) and get to say whatever you want to the chapter with no one talking or interrupting.

I loved both special events!

[WhiteDaisy128]

Oh, a lavalier is when a fraternity man gives his girlfriend a necklace that has his fraternity letters on it (signifying that she is as important as his brothers). It's like a pre-engagement.

Pinning is when the fraternity man lets his girlfriend wear his fraternity badge. This is like a pre-engagement.

[atomicflowers]

Candle passing is an informal ritual. I actually experienced my first one a couple of weeks ago and we were told to inform our director of rituals if we wanted to have one but each chapter is different. There are four degrees to a candle passing...some of the members here said that a candle going around once is for a lavaliering, etc. At my chapter, the first degree is for friendship. For example, maybe you have had a really rough week and one of your sisters was really there for you and you wanted to thank them for that. The second degree I *BELIEVE* is lavaliering/pinning and I know the third degree is for pregnancies or engagements. I forgot what the fourth degree was seeing since I've only been to one candle passing lol. If you're interesting in doing candle passings at your chapter I would talk to your chapter president or director of rituals about it.

[DGTess]

My chapter allowed a sister to pass an anonymous note to the president. The candle-passing ritual was normally after a formal meeting if possible, but could be any time.

1st time was lavalliered.
2nd pass was pinned.
3rd pass was engaged.
4th pass was married.

My senior year, we had a girl get married. None of us were expecting it, even though she and her beau had been together our entire college career. She became an alumna immediately - guess National thought it might be contagious. I think they still require married sisters to take alumna status.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by DGTess

My chapter allowed a sister to pass an anonymous note to the president. The candle-passing ritual was normally after a formal meeting if possible, but could be any time.

1st time was lavalliered.
2nd pass was pinned.
3rd pass was engaged.
4th pass was married.

My senior year, we had a girl get married. None of us were expecting it, even though she and her beau had been together our entire college career. She became an alumna immediately - guess National thought it might be contagious. I think they still require married sisters to take alumna status.

I don't believe this is an "official" DG ritual, so there are chapter variations, but my chapter followed the same thing. My freshman year we had one go around 4 times, and the girl was married.

Either DG Policies and Procedures or the Constitution - can't remember which, and I'm too lazy to look it up right now! - states that an undergraduate chapter member who marries may retain her "active" status. All she has to do is write a letter to the president stating that she prefers to remain a collegiate member rather than take alumna status. That's been in place for MANY decades. I advised the late Delta Theta-Georgia State chapter back in the 1970s, and we had a married member who was VERY active...great girl!

[DGTess]

Of course, we can't have candles any more.

[Titchou]

Yes, you can. With permission of the ATC or the HCP. Or you can use battery operated ones.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Yes, you can. With permission of the ATC or the HCP. Or you can use battery operated ones.

Guess that's why I don't go back to collegiate houses. I don't play "mother may I" Because of the rules the universities imposed out of fear, and the fact the greek system went along, I no longer support collegiate efforts. Too bad. The greek system used to be a great place for people to learn leadership in college.

[Titchou]

Well, Tess, you evidently don't know the reason behind the policy. We had a fire at a chapter house just before PNMs were to arrive for pref - caused by votive candles and flowing fabric in the hallway. Scared us all half to death!
Many of our NPC sisters have enacted stricter candle/open flame policies so we saw it was time to join in...for the safety of our women.

You'll also note that Council has passed a new policy requiring all Delta Gamma owned housing with Delta Gammas living in to have fire sprinkler systems by December 31, 2011. Additionally, no Fraternity visitors (CDCs, Council, Cabinet, etc) will be allowed to stay overnight in Delta Gamma owned housing without sprinklers after that date.

The safety and security of our members is vitally important to us. I'm sure you'll concur!

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Well, Tess, you evidently don't know the reason behind the policy. We had a fire at a chapter house just before PNMs were to arrive for pref - caused by votive candles and flowing fabric in the hallway. Scared us all half to death!
Many of our NPC sisters have enacted stricter candle/open flame policies so we saw it was time to join in...for the safety of our women.

You'll also note that Council has passed a new policy requiring all Delta Gamma owned housing with Delta Gammas living in to have fire sprinkler systems by December 31, 2011. Additionally, no Fraternity visitors (CDCs, Council, Cabinet, etc) will be allowed to stay overnight in Delta Gamma owned housing without sprinklers after that date.

The safety and security of our members is vitally important to us. I'm sure you'll concur!

I'd much rather see education on the dangers of candles with flowing fabrics. You see, risk management should be teaching our sisters what things are risky, and how to avoid the risk while still achieving an objective.

It's amazing to me how people will put up with being told "you can't figure this out for yourself" in the name of safety.

But in the "interests" of the group, I stay away instead.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by DGTess

But in the "interests" of the group, I stay away instead.

Probably a wise move on your part for both of us....