Wedding Detail

three2tango · #1 10-04-2002, 12:36 PM

My friend Anna and I were talking last night about some past and upcoming weddings. She asked me what my friend Lisa did at my friend Cari's Wedding. I told her Lisa and another girl handed out programs. Then I went on to say that the one girl held a basket with the programs and Lisa just stood there with her. So Ana summed up the situation by saying, "So let me get this straight, the other girl was the "program attendent" and Lisa was what, the "junior program attendent?" Exactly!!!

It amazes me that your "friends" will ask you to take care of these things for them. I mean, here in the south it is perfectly okay to ask someone to serve cake and punch at your wedding. I personally think that asking someone you consider a "friend" should not be asked to do anything other than be a bridesmaid. If you can't do that then just have them be a guest at the wedding.

So, what are some of the things you have been asked to do for "friends" at weddings?

sororitygirl2 · #2 10-04-2002, 12:44 PM

No, no... that is not polite at all! The caterer should serve the cake and punch! If these people are important enough to be at your wedding, they should be sharing in the joy and celebration of it.

I think having people handing out programs is okay because it is before the ceremony and the reception, so they don't miss out on anything... or having them do a guest book. After all, you want someone friendly and nice giving all the other guests a good first impression. However, I have to say that in my circle, it is sort of looked on as the "fifth-runner-up" postion... it's what people give to people out of obligation (like to a cousin, or an acquaintance/friend from work), not because they are close.

Here's another question... have you ever had a friend who had their "less attractive" friends do the guest book even if they are kind of close, just so the pretty friends are the ones in the pictures? I have heard of that happening... how sad!

ilovemyglo · #3 10-04-2002, 12:56 PM

I was in a wedding a few weeks ago and all the bridesmaids were large chested women and the bride wasn't so she said it was her big titty committee and her.. that was funny, though. But she told us all not to wear any bras that would enhance our busts because she didn't want her face hidden by breasts. I thought that was funny.

The guest book and program things are really popular for sorority sisters that you wanted to include, but you can't have a wedding party of eight. It is also good for HIS relatives you don't want in but his mom insists or a cousin you don't like your mom insists on.

dzrose93 · #4 10-04-2002, 12:58 PM

Having someone in charge of cutting the cake, handing out programs, being responsible for the guest book, etc. is a tradition at every Southern wedding I've attended (and I've been to many). It's the bride's way of letting her friends know that she wants them to share in her special day.

Not everyone can be a bridesmaid -- the cost would be too great. So this is a way for close friends to still be included in the ceremony and for people to know "hey, this attendant is a close friend/relative" even though the person may not be in a bridesmaid's dress or a groomsman's tuxedo.

Most of the time, the people who are asked to be cake cutters and things of that nature are just "honorary" attendants -- which means that they don't actually cut the cake. They just get to wear a nice corsage that lets folks know that the bride or groom singled them out as a special acquaintance.

AOIIBrandi · #5 10-04-2002, 01:07 PM

dzrose93 is right. It is definitely a tradition at Southern weddings. I was the cake cutter at Hubby's cousin's wedding, and was honored that she would think to include me (he was a groomsman).

At my wedding I actually had my only girl cousin and some of my younger sister's closest friends do those things. I had a sorority sister and one of Hubby's fraternity brothers perform the readings during the ceremony. We still wanted them as part of the ceremony but didn't really have room for them as a b-maid/g-man.

sororitygirl2 · #6 10-04-2002, 01:08 PM

Oh, DZRose93, thank you for your explanation. While my family is originally from the South, I grew up elsewhere. Here we defintely have the guest book/program people (and the readers, singers, etc... in the ceremony), but not cake cutters.

I am not so shocked and appalled now as before when I was imagining these poor girls sweating and working their little tushes off... running around the room trying to make sure that everyone had sufficient punch!

maggieaxid · #7 10-04-2002, 01:45 PM

for my wedding, i am having a 4 of my friends as official greeters at the church, 2 to give out programs, one to do the sign in book, and one to take coats and jackets...or help any elderly people that may need help. i think with catholic weddings, there are a lot more things that people can be assigned to do, like readings and bringing up the gifts, ect.. its a great way to incorporate everyone. and people, esp. friends, are more than willing to help and do anything that you ask, as long as you don't turn into bride-zilla.

PM_Mama00 · #8 10-04-2002, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by three2tango
My friend Anna and I were talking last night about some past and upcoming weddings. She asked me what my friend Lisa did at my friend Cari's Wedding. I told her Lisa and another girl handed out programs. Then I went on to say that the one girl held a basket with the programs and Lisa just stood there with her. So Ana summed up the situation by saying, "So let me get this straight, the other girl was the "program attendent" and Lisa was what, the "junior program attendent?" Exactly!!!

It amazes me that your "friends" will ask you to take care of these things for them. I mean, here in the south it is perfectly okay to ask someone to serve cake and punch at your wedding. I personally think that asking someone you consider a "friend" should not be asked to do anything other than be a bridesmaid. If you can't do that then just have them be a guest at the wedding.

So, what are some of the things you have been asked to do for "friends" at weddings?

At every wedding I've been to (traditional Italian weddings), you'll see friends OR family members handing out rice/ bird seed/ bubbles. It would be unheard of to have a family member or friend serve cake and punch.... that's what the wait staff is for!

dzrose93 · #9 10-04-2002, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
Oh, DZRose93, thank you for your explanation. While my family is originally from the South, I grew up elsewhere. Here we defintely have the guest book/program people (and the readers, singers, etc... in the ceremony), but not cake cutters.

I am not so shocked and appalled now as before when I was imagining these poor girls sweating and working their little tushes off... running around the room trying to make sure that everyone had sufficient punch!

LOL! No problem...

That's a pretty funny mental picture. I can just imagine my youngest female cousin running all over the reception hall with a pitcher of punch.

aephi alum · #10 10-04-2002, 06:08 PM

New Englander here... Here it would be tacky to ask a friend/relative to serve cake and punch - that's what the caterer is for.

I asked my 3 closest female friends, and my husband asked his 3 closest male friends, to be in the wedding party. 5 of the 6 had SO's, so we asked 4 of them to hold our chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy that the bride and groom stand under during the ceremony), and we asked the fifth to keep an eye on everyone's handbags so that nothing wandered off.

I'd like to think I wasn't bridezilla

Sisterplum · #11 10-05-2002, 01:49 AM

Hey....from the Canadian East coast perspective....

Art and I wanted to keep our wedding party small and even (ie. we wanted even numbers of girls and guys) Art doesn't have a lot of friends, while I have tons! If I could, I would have had all my sisters standing with me (now that would have been a HUGE wedding party!) But, things like that get very expensive, quickly.

We ended up with 3 on each side. I had one of my sisters as a bridesmaid (she was the one who called me to give me a bid and has been such a great friend and sister ever since...she is one of my best friends now!)

I had one of my sorority sisters do a reading during the ceremony, 2 hand out programs and bubbles before the ceremony, and 2 take polaroids for my guestbook (we had a photo book where guests signed their best wishes next to a pic of them!

) ALL of them felt very honored to be included in even this small way in my wedding.

From the time I started planning, all my sisters wanted to help wherever they could. While I wish I could have included all of them in some way, I chose the ones closest to me to help out. I gave each of them a wrist corasage of yellow roses (our sorority flower) to acknowledge their help....and sat them at a table of honored guests at the front of the reception...and thanked each of them in my programs. I also included my sorority in a small way by having a yellow rose (our flower) in the center of my cascading purple and white rose bouquet (my bridesmaid/sorority sister also had a yellow rose). Everyone asked about the rose in the center...and I responded saying "This is a small way of including all my sisters in my wedding day...they are a big part of my life and I wanted to show my sisterly love"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know my sisters who helped me out felt it was an honor and not a burden or something wrong that I had asked them to "help" me out on my wedding day!

Munchkin03 · #12 10-05-2002, 10:16 AM

I have no problem with the programs/favor/guestbooks duties being doled out to friends. I know that I won't have more than 3 bridesmaids and 1 maid of honour. Therefore, the umpteen friends/sorority sisters/female relatives who I'd like to be in the wedding in some way will do things like this. Maybe it's because I'm from the South, but it doesn't offend me AT ALL. We can't always be bridesmaids, now can we?

three2tango · #13 10-05-2002, 05:02 PM

I am from the south too and I think before I started college I had only been to southern weddings. For those of you who don't know, a southern wedding consists of a church ceremony and a "reception" in a room within the church. The food consists of cake, mints, nuts and punch. If they are really fancy you will have a table with an assortment of finger foods. You then go outside and throw birdseed or blow bubbles. The whole affair is 2 hours tops.

No one in My family has ever had a wedding with dancing and dinner. That is a Yankee influence. I love the south and its' traditions, but the wedding is one thing Yankee's do MUCH MUCH better than we.

DeltaBetaBaby · #14 10-05-2002, 05:47 PM

How do you include the groom's sister, or the bride's brother?

three2tango · #15 10-05-2002, 06:08 PM

As mentioned by Maggie and Sisterplum a reading is (to me) the best honor you can give to someone other than asking them to be a bridesmaid.

How this works is that they will come up during the ceremony and read an apropriate selection from the Bible.