Finances

[Glitter650]

So, since I know quite a bit of problems can be caused by finances in a marriage, and I'd like to avoid that pitfall in my upcoming state of matrimony, how do you deal with the money ?
Do you have 1 account for both of you ?
One account for household money, and have seperate accounts as well ?
Some other combination ?

If you keep 1 household account, how do you keep things like presents and such a suprise ?

What is your agreement about spending from the joint account ? Must you discuss any purchase over 50? 100 ? anything that is PURELY for you ? My parents are divorced since I was 6, so I don't really know how they worked out the finances, so I'm just curious how my fellow GCers deal with it?

[DSTRen13]

I'm interested too ... my fiance and I have decided to have a joint account and our own personal accounts (I don't really want to know how much he spends on things, and he doesn't really want to know how much I spend on my crap), but we can't figure out - what is a "joint expense" and what isn't? Some things are obvious, and others I guess we'll hammer out over time, but if anyone has any advice that could shorten that hammering process ...?

[Kevin]

Right now, we have separate accounts. I figure that'll change once I finish law school and will be bringing home about 95% of the bacon. As it stands, I do make a bit more than she does. Accordingly, I just pay all of the bills and the rent myself. She buys the groceries and meals out. Sometimes, we'll make a purchase and go in on it 50/50 (I'll just make an e-payment to her credit card for the amount I owe).

It works out fine for now. It's a little unwieldy, but I figure it's a temporary thing. We'll probably make everything joint once I start to make the big bucks. Either that, or we'll use her teacher's salary to invest/save and mine to live on.

[lauralaylin]

My husband and I have always shared everything, but we also are totally in sinc when it comes to finances, so there aren't issues. I understand why people have separate accounts, but what happens if the wife becomes a SAHM? Does she just not get to spend money anymore? I think that could cause issues, dealing with allowances and such.

[AlphaFrog]

We have 2 banks, but that's just because his work doesn't have direct deposit, and the bank that my direct deposit is already going into wasn't convenient. Both accounts are "our money" and I pay bills from whichever one happens to have the most money in it at the time. I keep track of how much we have in both banks at all times, and how much we're going to owe in the next few months for bills and expenses. We set some back for emergencies and the rest is our spending money. We don't worry about divvying it up, we both think the "allowance" thing is silly. Neither one of us spends much on anything outrageous.

The most expensive "impulse buys" we've had the whole time we've been married is his gym contract and my season tickets for the Broadway series at Blumenthal. (And, to be fair, I've been dying to see Wicked again, and the only way to get tickets is to get the season tickets...by the time they go on sale for single seats they are going to be LONG sold out).

[nikki1920]

I guess joint expenses would be: rent, utility bills, groceries. More like living expenses. Separate expenses would be: sorority dues, travel for sorority meetings, clothing and shoes, personal grooming.

That is how the bf and I discussed it, but then we don't live together.

[VandalSquirrel]

We've discussed it (we've got a few months, but we like to plan ahead) and there's going to be six accounts, hers, his, ours and have one each of checking and savings. We are both likely going to have career changes in the next year, but as of now we're planning to do half of each persons pay check into the joint accounts, and the rest is personal. Though if we're saving for something (house, vacation, etc.) we'd put more into the joint savings.

Anything that is house stuff would come out of the joint account, or if it is something we're both using, like gas on a trip or what not. Anything that is personal, such as clothing, his electronic gadgets, sorority dues, professional fees, haircuts, gifts or eating out with friends, is a personal expense. Since we're not legally beholden to one another now, we take turns a lot on fun things. He paid for dinner and a movie the other night, but then I turned around and bought dinner a different night and ice cream twice. Mr. Romance bought me red sink mats, a swiffer wet jet and an automatic shower cleaner as presents but once we get married at The Hitchin' Post it would be a house expense.

[MysticCat]

I've described this some in another thread, but here's a little more detail.

For checking, we have two joint accounts -- one for household and family expenses and pretty much most things, and one solely for charity. The later is a matter of discipline for us, taking money off the top of paychecks and other income for charitable purposes.

We also each keep a separate checking account. I use mine for lunch on workdays; Y membership; CD, book, or other "just 'cause I want it" purchases; and presents for her. She uses hers for similar things-she-wants and presents for me.

I have by far the larger paycheck -- about 90% of my monthly take-home (after retirement, 401(k) and deposits into savings) goes into our household account -- the rest goes into the charity account and into my personal account.

Her distribution between accounts can vary from month to month, because her income tends to vary more from month to month. For that reason, we've always relied solely on my income for loans (mortgage, car loans, etc.) and for budgeting regularly monthly expenses.

We maintain a joint savings account (usually just the minimum is in there because the interest rate isn't great) and a joint money market account, which we use as the main "savings" account. We also each have an individual savings accounts, mainly so we can have the individual checking accounts -- there rarely is much money in mine beyond the minimum unless I'm saving up for a present for her or I've gotten gift money for Christmas or birthday.

[LPIDelta]

I am excited to share what has worked for me and my husband--part of this advice comes from Suze Orman.

We each have our own checking accounts and one joint account. The joint account is used for paying monthly expenses and bills. We figured out what our monthly living expenses are and then determined what percentage of those expenses each of us would be responsble for, and that amount is submitted automatically from our pay to the joint checking each month.

The percentage contributed is based on the percentage of household income each person makes. So as an example and using round numbers: If my husband makes $40k and I make $60k a year, he would contribute an amount equal to 40 percent of the monthly expenses, and I would submit 60 percent. So if the monthly expenses were $1,000, I would pay $600 and he would pay $400.

Doing things this way has really helped us stay to a budget.

We then use our personal checking for spending money or for individual bills (I pay my credit card and student loan from my account). This way, he doesn't question when I spend $100 at Ann Taylor loft and I don't question when he spends $100 at the Harley store.

We also have a joint savings account where bonuses and extra monies go and I have a personal savings account (without my husbands name at a separate bank) and credit cards because I believe that any woman, even if she is married, should have a safety net.

Most important, just talk and plan. A good, mutually agreed upon budget and plan will go a long way to preventing issues. Good luck!

[lauralaylin]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

The most expensive "impulse buys" we've had the whole time we've been married is his gym contract and my season tickets for the Broadway series at Blumenthal. (And, to be fair, I've been dying to see Wicked again, and the only way to get tickets is to get the season tickets...by the time they go on sale for single seats they are going to be LONG sold out).

Sorry to hijack, but seriously? I missed Wicked in Boston because I gave birth the week before, and now I won't be able to get tickets here either??? NO!

[ADqtPiMel]

We have seperate checking accounts - he pays rent and I pay for everything else. Our rent is pretty high (we live in DC), so that knocks out most of his money, and I make a lot more anyway since he's in law school.

[SoCalGirl]

When it comes to money I'm extremely old fashioned. I think I would have to have some sort of head trauma to have a joint account with a man to whom I wasn't married. Also, once married, I can't imagine anything but joint checking and joint savings.

Then again, I wouldn't marry someone who wasn't "financially" compatible. What I mean is that he handles his finances the same way. I don't care if you're stinking rich if you are reckless with the money.

My parents, afaik, have never had seperate accounts. My mom rarely worked after my older brother was born but she never had an allowance. They don't "consult" each other before making purchases. My parents both understand what they can and can't afford and have similar thoughts in regards to how low they're willing to let the balances get.

In fact, my dad just transfered a whole lot of money into money market accounts and my mom's acting like we need to go on food stamps because of the new checking account balance! She of course is exagerating but my dad and I did have to remind her that the money's just in another account.

When a friend of mine told me his wife had asked him about buying a new mixer (~$200) I laughed because I thought he was kidding! I really thought only people in controlling and abusive relationships have allowances or had to ask their SO before making a purchase.

FWIW, I do agree that people need safety nets. But that should come in the form of a pre-nup! In community property states it doesn't matter how much you stash away in your personal account. Your spouse can still get half without that prenup!

[James]

Right. And the pre-nup only protects pre marriage assets. So if one spouse makes a million a year and the other makes 45k its split in half later.

Nice.

I have never been fond of the financial consequences of marriage.

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

FWIW, I do agree that people need safety nets. But that should come in the form of a pre-nup! In community property states it doesn't matter how much you stash away in your personal account. Your spouse can still get half without that prenup!

[texas*princess]

Most of my married friends have 2 seperate accounts, and 1 joint account for household expenses similiar to how LPIDelta described. They seem to work out pretty well. When one of the husbands wanted to get a sports car, the wife was fine with it "as long as you can make the payments"

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

When a friend of mine told me his wife had asked him about buying a new mixer (~$200) I laughed because I thought he was kidding! I really thought only people in controlling and abusive relationships have allowances or had to ask their SO before making a purchase.

Consulting your spouse before making a large purchase is just common sense. If you both just happened to make a $300 purchase that day because you knew there was enough in the account to cover it, you could easily overdraw an account in a hurry. My ex used his ATM for EVERYTHING, including lunch out every day. So, I'd be happily balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, thinking we had money in the account and then the overdrawn statements started coming. He sometimes spent $600-800 a month with his ATM/Visa card without ever telling me or showing me a receipt. I had to find out when the bank statements came. Of course this was before online banking. At least these days, I'd be able to find out what he was spending daily!