What things keep you loving your lady?

[AlwaysDivine]

Eveything is usually great when relationships start off. But, someone always (ladies and
men alike) seems to stray or simply get bored and/or unsatisfied with the other. What can a lady do to contribute to keeping her man interested? What things make men want to stay? I'd really appreciate all responses.

[Positive Kay]

SPACE!!!
Men always rant and rave about their space. Men are like babies and they require alot of attention. They need to be in the spot light. If your man really wants you in his life and says something about space, give him all he needs (to the point of not even paying ANY attention to him) and he'll snap outta it. But on a serious note, you should give the space he needs as you may want some yourself one day/week,etc. You should live the same life that your man is living. I'm not talking about cheating, because if that's going on, you shouldn't be in that relationship anyway. What I mean, for example, is if he's not calling you....don't call him asking why he's not calling, only call him for important things. He'll eventually wonder why you're not calling and he'll call you. (If he cares at all) If he is putting 50% into your relationship, you should put 50% in. Work as equals. After a while, if 100% isn't put into your relationship by the both of you.....it's not worth it.

If things ARE 100%, keep your relationship new and full of fun. You need to be mature adults in your relationship when the time calls for it but.....you should let the "kid" out every now and then.

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Set your goal!! Strive!! Bask in your reward!!

Positive Kay

[This message has been edited by Positive Kay (edited September 17, 2000).]

[LXAAlum]

Hmmmm, what things make me stay? My wife's laughter, number one on the list. It's infectuous (and quite often at my own expense). Seeing my wife smile/being happy. Seeing my children growing up with a loving family, something neither my wife or I had growing up. Accomplishing major goals together: graduate school, new vehicles, new home, children. Getting through the tough times make me stay - struggles with finances, jobs, being together helps get us through the tough times. The love we have for each other. Celebrating our love (no, NOT the same thing as making love (though that's nice too)). I could go on and on and on, but these are the top things on the list...and, we're coming up on 9 years this December!

[Positive Kay]

LXAAlum,
You're one of the good ones!!! I'm not married but I've been with my honey for 6 years in April.

Congrats on your wonderful LOVE!

Are you older? You don't have to give your age. What is YOUR advice for the people who are in the dating/engagement stage. That's the direction that I'm coming from. And you being a man......correct my previous post if needed.

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Set your goal!! Strive!! Bask in your reward!!

Positive Kay

[This message has been edited by Positive Kay (edited September 22, 2000).]

[mgdzkm433]

Definatly space. One of the things that Bryan (my fiance) said that he loved about out dating phase (which wasn't long because we moved in together 2 1/2 months after we met) was that he could always brag about me being so cool about him wanting time with his buddies and how I had no problems with it. He loved that I could be like "Ok hun, go have a good time, and drink one for me too!" During our dating stage, we both realized that in previous relationships the thing that we regret most is not spending time with family and friends. In most relationships, the couple are attached at the hips, it gets stale because they ALWAYS together. People forget about their friends or don't do anything with them because now they have a significant other. Bryan and I didn't want that to happen to us, so we made sure that we reserved time to spend with our friends and family.

[LXAAlum]

Space isn't just for the guys, now....

You have to learn when space is needed by either party in the relationship. If my wife has had a bad day at work or with the kids...I have learned (the hard way) to keep my distance from her for at least an hour for her to decompress and move on.

Space is important, but, the most important thing is respect - even after marriage, after time, respect is the most important component in a marriage. You have to be able to (still) respect differences in opinion, politics, friends, etc....and meet in the middle.

We get along well, but that doesn't mean we've had our moments. But those moments only make us stronger - we complement each others weaknesses and strengths in ways that are almost eerie. I guess opposites do attract.

Bottom line, if you can't find more positives than negatives or even questionables in a relationship, get out. Learn each others needs and wants, and strive to help them reach their goals and your goals - teamwork makes relationships grow.

[Positive Kay]

LXAAlum,

Your relationship seems PERFECT!
What about those normal relationships ! No just kidding. Everybody doesn't have and probably won't have a close to perfect relationship; what do you say about those people? I'm not that close to perfect but my boyfriend and I have a very good relation. There ARE the ups and downs (ups outweighing the downs). But we're not married yet, not even engaged. For several reasons 1)finances aren't there
2) were're both students
3) we can't even live together (my parents won't have it), etc....
Give more advice!!!

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Set your goal!! Strive!! Bask in your reward!!

Positive Kay

[equeen]

The element of surprise and novelty also works well. I would have to agree with LXAAlum...keeping my fiance laughing at my antics always works - laughter is the best medicine!

My fiance and I have not been together that long (a year and a half) - however we've always found laughter to pull is through even the worst of situations. We've faced a few really tough character-building situations lately...and it always seems to help when we do ridiculous little things for each other, that we know is meaningful to the other person and will make them smile. And of course we never laugh at each other, it's always with each other.

And of course there's always that last bit of mystery...I love the fact that my fiance is still a mystery to me - he's seems so easy to read, but watch out, he's deeper than the Atlantic! It's always interesting to find out more about him, and what he likes and loves. I think this is something that's important to men as well as women, when it comes to a true, committed relationship, and it's worked well for me to really learn about my fiance as a person, as well as my significant other.

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equeen
A Lioness has her Pride!
@>--;--
Alpha Sigma Kappa - Women in Technical Studies

[juniorgrrl]

My boyfriend and I have a bi-polar relationship it seems. Its either very very on, or very very off. Its amazing how much a part of my life he is. I have no doubt that were we not boyfriend/girlfriend, we would be the best of friends. Its like someone made a male version of me, except one thats an engineering and band geek . The wierdest part of it all is that, when we have a fight, he's the person I want to cry about and the person I instinctively run to.

But the things that keep us together are:
Laughter. Fun. Acting like a kid. I cannot stress this enough. Every now and then, you just need to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and run around like idiots. Play video games. Have a tickle fight. Just don't ever stop laughing.

Focus on the tiny things. Every kiss goodbye is important. Every touch, every smile. Never take them for granted.

Realize that words can hurt. Keep a disagreement to the issue at hand. Don't call names, make mean comments. They only escalate the situation.

Positive Kay, I"m feeling what you're talking about with not being married or whatever. My guy and I Have been together since we were seniors in High School. We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary on 9.7.00. We've been together for so long, but have so far to go. We both want to go to grad school...its frustrating sometime to have something so amazing, but know that its goign to stay at that limbo stage for quite awhile longer.

Hehe, sorry for the long post...got carried away I guess

[Positive Kay]

Mocha......
That's soooooooooooooo true!

[Sexy Mocha]

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited September 25, 2000).]

[bubbles17]

Wow, these posts are excellent! . I know the last post has been awhile--but I'm hoping y'all can give some advice to me, too . I just broke up with my bf of a year, Jake. We couldn't see eye to eye on things--and we both really wanted to agree to disagree--but it just ended up blowing up.

Plus we both give each other space--but then we both became jealous of what we THOUGHT the other was doing. Any advice? We're thinkiing of getting back together--and Oh I would love that SO MUCH--but I know we have a ways to go.

It's like that saying--you can't live with him, but you can't live without him.

oh bubbles17 -- been there! give him sooo much space!!! Like everyone says - Those studs hate the fact that you are not calling or hanging with them. I did that
for his dance, he called me in CT (he was in Ind) to go to a dance, hello- there are over 5000 girls at your school and you go out of state to find a date... why... because I played aloof and non-caring.) I hate games too but you gotta do what can! much hugs! Sue

[bubbles17]

Hey Sue Thanks so much for your reply! I'm just so conflicted--I don't know what to do, b/c we both really want to get back togehter--we both love each other very much. We had problems before of space and "agreeing to disagree." He got jealous b/c he thought I was cheating on him (I wasn't). Then he pretended to cheat ( ) on me, b/c he thought that would make me stop cheating. It only got me mad and upset that he would do that to me.

And then we've tried to "agree to disagree," but it never ends up working. We both have hot tempers, and are both kinda stubborn--so you can guess how our debates turn out!

But I just feel so attached to him, and he does w/me too, and I just feel really lonely without him! That saying, "You can't live with him, but you can't live without him, too" is so true for my situation! Help!

[This message has been edited by bubbles17 (edited April 13, 2001).]

[k8diamond]

Bubbles--
I can only say this...I was there, big time in love with someone I could never agree with!! Time for yourself is what matters. Spend time with friends, do NOT talk to him, because in the end, don't you deserve someone you want to be with, not just avoid being without? And when you meet someone who is your best friend AND boyfriend (like I have) you will be shocked and amazed you ever settled for less.