Deactivating and Letter to EO

DizzyIzzy · #1 07-09-2007, 12:43 PM

I have recently made the desicion to deactivate from my house. I felt very isolated and put in a situation that was overly superficial, and that I had been lied to. I was instructed by our president to return my pin and certificates along with a letter to our Executive Office. My problem is I dont know what to say without upsetting someone in Executive Office or in the former house. I understand they made me feel bad enough to have to quit, and I shouldn't feel obligated to be polite, but I just don't want to risk losing a job someday because someone remembered that letter. I feel like speaking my mind and being harsh, but is this the smartest thing to do?

SmartBlondeGPhB · #2 07-09-2007, 12:48 PM

What does it have to do with a future job? Were you employed by them? And since you are deactivating are you planning on asking someone for a letter of recommendation? I don't see it as relevant to any future job and yes you should say whatever you feel you need to say.

maximus406 · #3 07-09-2007, 12:49 PM

Write a brief and to the point letter. There is no reason to state the reasons why you are severing your membership, just state the obvious, date the letter, and turn it in.

There is just no reason to stoop to the level of writing a nasty letter. Coming from a past chapter President I had two letters that were completely rude and uncalled for that pinpointed me specifically. And I still remember them to this day, when one of those ladies contacted me several years later to try and make nice I was polite to her but did not respond to her plea for friendship. You never know who might remember that letter or how it might be interpreted.

Ch2tf · #4 07-09-2007, 12:59 PM

Is deactivation from the house as the OP put it the same as deactivating from the sorority as a whole? If so, OP, was the offense so hurtful/contradictory to your reasons for joining that you would leave the sorority membership as a whole and not just the house?

adpiucf · #5 07-09-2007, 12:59 PM

If you feel like speaking your mind and being harsh, talk to your chapter executive board and advisers. You have a right to be heard if you feel you are being treated unfairly-- and calling those parties to a meeting moderated by your Standards/Personnel chairman is a way to start -- and will ensure the issues at concern are recorded. You should do this before you submit any formal notice to terminate your membership.

I'm sorry you made the decision to cancel your membership. This isn't "deactivation"-- you are terminating your membership completely in the sorority and you will no longer be a member-- you are no longer entitled to wear letters, any future daughters will not be legacies, you will not be eligible to recommend women for membership, nor will you be able to claim alumnae status or join an alumnae chapter. Nor can you join another NPC sorority. It's very permanent. Are you sure you can't work out this issue? If you really don't like the sorority, it is a moot point---quit.

If that is what you have decided is the best decision for you, then turn in your pin and do as instructed so the chapter can submit your cancellation paperwork to their national offices.

Your letter should include the date and something short and sweet a la "Please accept this statement as my intent to voluntarily cancel my membership in XYZ sorority. As of this date, I have no outstanding financial debts to the chapter. If you would like to contact me, please call xxx-xxx-xxxx or email abc@123.com. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Signature
YOUR NAME"

This avoids any drama on paper. This also holds true if you should ever submit a letter of resignation at a job-- save the sob story for HR or an exit interview.

honeychile · #6 07-09-2007, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maximus406

Write a brief and to the point letter. There is no reason to state the reasons why you are severing your membership, just state the obvious, date the letter, and turn it in.

There is just no reason to stoop to the level of writing a nasty letter. Coming from a past chapter President I had two letters that were completely rude and uncalled for that pinpointed me specifically. And I still remember them to this day, when one of those ladies contacted me several years later to try and make nice I was polite to her but did not respond to her plea for friendship. You never know who might remember that letter or how it might be interpreted.

Bingo. Never slam a door that you can't shut quietly.

A simple, "I'm afraid that I've come to a time in my life when I can no longer be a functional member of XYZ" shows that you're not going to post ritual online or anything stupid like that.

As much as I hated one of my first jobs, I wrote something similar, and that way, still had a reference for the future.

adrie435 · #7 07-09-2007, 01:03 PM

I agree with Maximus.. While you may be angry right now and feel like you want to vent, it is never a good idea to send a nasty letter.. Think about it like resigning from a job, even if you were treated horrifically you NEVER write a nasty letter telling off your boss. It's unprofessional and makes you look immature and it would be that same from a disaffiliating sister.

I received a nasty disaffiliation letter from one of my sisters while in school and it pinpointed specific people and a specific incident. It didn't change anything and instead it just made the writer look bitter and childish-- it gave the rest of the chapter the chance to say "see, she wasn't a good fit to start out with... aren't we lucky to have gotten rid of the psycho girl". I'm not trying to tell you that you need to forgive and forget because I can understand being upset and this is a hard decision to make, but take the time to cool down and go out on the high road. A nasty letter will just let them convince themselves that they didn't want someone like 'that' in the chapter to start out with while it really should give you the opportunity to show them what a loss it is that they couldn't resolve things with you and will lose an amazing woman from their sisterhood.

33girl · #8 07-09-2007, 01:58 PM

adpiucf has the right idea, although I would go into a bit more detail about WHY exactly you're leaving, because in some cases the EO or the chapter will not accept a self-termination that seems to be for no real reason.

You don't have to be rude - just state what happened. If it's something that's causing you to terminate, the EO will want to know in case it's a problem that keeps coming up over and over again in the chapter that they can hopefully fix. Example - if you're the 3rd girl in a year to quit because there were too many mandatory events and it was interfering with your life and grades, then the EO will probably want to talk to the chapter about overprogramming.

Drolefille · #9 07-09-2007, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ch2tf

Is deactivation from the house as the OP put it the same as deactivating from the sorority as a whole? If so, OP, was the offense so hurtful/contradictory to your reasons for joining that you would leave the sorority membership as a whole and not just the house?

Yes, generally you can't withdraw from your chapter without withdrawing from the sorority as a whole. You can sometimes "go alum" earlier than normal but most GLOs have specific rules for that involving course load and other situations. This is probably not covered under that.

However advisors can sometimes work things out for you if you want to remain a member of the sorority or you can sometimes reactivate as an alumna later.

Tom Earp · #10 07-09-2007, 02:26 PM

You have seen many good posts all giving good advice.

Depending on how close you are to graduation and this does not seem the case you will not be able to go Alum status.

Is there a conflict with just a few or all? Is it your fault and not thiers?

Is the Chapter a mess?

How long have you been a member? Did you participate or not get your way?

Hard questions that you may have to look at.

If it still does not fit, and you still want to get out without checking your options then do it.

One Chapter does not a GLO make nor do those members. No matter how much advice you get, You are the one to make it fianl.

Who is the loser, You or them?

Ch2tf · #11 07-09-2007, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Yes, generally you can't withdraw from your chapter without withdrawing from the sorority as a whole. You can sometimes "go alum" earlier than normal but most GLOs have specific rules for that involving course load and other situations. This is probably not covered under that.

However advisors can sometimes work things out for you if you want to remain a member of the sorority or you can sometimes reactivate as an alumna later.

Thanks for the explanation, that is what I thought. It just struck me as "excessive" (not knowing the situation behind the OP's deactivation) to leave your org entirely when your problem/issue is with a specific "chapter" or member(s).

33girl · #12 07-09-2007, 02:53 PM

Well, when you consider the $$$ in dues you would spend as a collegian and having to live with people in the chapter for several years, it's really not excessive. Staying a member if you really want to quit would make you miserable (and poorer).

To the OP: I really hope that you have gone through your standards board or at the very least, your pledge mom or big sister and tried to work things out with your chapter to the best of your ability before you do this - as it is irreversible.

Drolefille · #13 07-09-2007, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ch2tf

Thanks for the explanation, that is what I thought. It just struck me as "excessive" (not knowing the situation behind the OP's deactivation) to leave your org entirely when your problem/issue is with a specific "chapter" or member(s).

Honestly, I think part of it is that there are girls who just want the letters by their names and will then try to duck out of responsibilities but keep the letters. Also, for NPC sororities, while it is a lifelong commitment, there's a reason the collegiates are called "Actives." That is where your primary benefits will be gained and that's where you do the bulk of contributing to your sorority. Only a percentage of alumnae are active so if you reduce the number of collegiate members, you reduce the number of active alumnae.

That said, sometimes situations can be worked out. Sometimes.

Rudey · #14 07-09-2007, 10:21 PM

It's not a job. It's an org that years down the line very few people will care about. On top of that they don't have the time and resources to scour the country and make sure you're unemployed.

Burn that bridge. Burn it good. Get all your feelings out so you don't feel like you left anything unsaid.

-Rudey