Just a fun post!

[Tom Earp]

Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy:

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What
the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

[Tom Earp]

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of

a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway
for a

hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky
and, with
a

single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient

through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have
been
given

life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the
most."



He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind

the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle
and
giggling

ensues.



After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and

laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes
left,
"Would

you care to do it again?"



He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes,

let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the
pigeon down

and you poop on its head."



......... AND WHAT WERE YOU....THINKING????

[Tom Earp]

Subject: Insightful little bits...


Definitions Not in Dictionary

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.


CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.