Thinking Twice

Hootie · #1 08-05-2001, 12:07 AM

As some of you know, I've had random nightmares about my ex boyfriend every now and then. Usually they're outta nowhere and I wake up upset because it's just kinda stupid and I hate dreaming about him.
So like most of the time in my dreams, he and I get back together...which in no way represents what I want in real life.
Well back to my point...lol. I had a dream about my ex the other night. And as usual, he was a waiter in a restaurant and I worked with him and we got back together. Then something happened in my dream and he and I were engaged and it was just wierd. I woke up and I dunno. I wasn't upset for once; not crying or whatever.
Then on my way to work I saw him. Like ACTUALLY saw him driving and I'm pretty darn sure he saw me too. So that is just too wierd because since we broke up last september, I've seen him 5 times or less.
Anyways, so now I'm just wondering what my mind and heart are telling me and why this is messing with me again. Especially when I'm finally over him.
I just don't know what to think or do. I don't want to call him and talk because I think I'd cry. But at the same time, I'm just wondering if I let the love of my life go.
So yeah. That's my problem and I just want to know if anyone else has ever second questioned something they did and were fine with it for almost a year until something made them rethink it.

Miami1839 · #2 08-05-2001, 01:31 PM

Amy,

Probably your subsconscience is telling you you still want him but realistically its not going to happen. I think in time things should change with your how you feel about him. I'm sure you'll always think what if but then I'm a guy so I dont know. I just think what you need is another guy. I think ultimately that will make you feel better and then you wont think about him anymore.

-Kevin

cutehootie · #3 08-05-2001, 03:56 PM

From what I've read most of the time when you dream about a person it really isnt about THAT person but about what that person represents to you. The dream could also mean that you are coming to grips (being engaged and not crying) with what the breakup meant to you at a deeper level. Since I know some of the history, hootie, it could mean that you are ready to put him behind you and move on.

In any case, don't let yourself get swayed into even thinking about what you know is not good for you. The chances are he is still the same jerk as before and will treat you just the same.

Happley · #4 08-06-2001, 01:32 PM

They always say this and it sucks, but it's true-If you let something go and it comes back to you, then it's meant to be. I broke up with a boyfriend of two and a half years in high school and he went on to get engaged to another girl. I thought it was over and had no clue where I belonged in life without him-eventually I got over it-it took years-but now-six years after we started dating we are back together and I am very happy. We don't know why God plans for things to work the way they do-we simply have to trust that what is meant for us will come to us and we will receive it.

cutehootie · #5 08-06-2001, 03:32 PM

I don't mean to be disagreeable, but guys who are abusers tend to come back to their girlfriends/spouses over and over to have somebody to abuse. Just because somebody keeps coming back, doesn't mean that you are meant to be.

In fact, I've read where relationships tend to fail the 2nd and 3rd times for the very same reason that they failed the 1st. Of course, they're exceptions and I'm glad that yours seems to be one.

Sue_XO · #6 08-06-2001, 03:46 PM

I was going to ask this question of the guys-do you ever dream about ex-girlfriends? I just had a dream last night about a boyfriend I had in 1986!!! Too weird.

Hootie · #7 08-07-2001, 02:54 AM

Well with all this uncertainty, and other problems...I got the book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives.
I'm already half way through it and have realized so much. I think a lot of women feel lost without a man because deep down we've been taught to believe that happiness lies in what he can provide.
I'm goal oriented and motivated just as the next woman...but when I'm with a guy, I sometimes find myself making exceptions for not doing what I want or for just building my life around what he wants. I did that with my ex who wanted to move back to his small hometown. I wanted a career in the PR field but I told him I'd move because I loved him and that I could do something like freelance writing. I would have NEVER been happy, and I realize that now. I just didn't want to lose him so I made my world revolve around him.
WRONG way to go about it.
So if you have time, I recommend picking up the book and reading a few chapters. I don't have a boyfriend now, but it reaffirms my thoughts that I should focus on what I want and need rather than finding and catching a man to fulfill my wants.
Hootie

PS. YOU all are such great help. Thanks for the advice and for always listening.