Don't Marry Career Women

tld221 · #1 09-04-2006, 07:08 PM

http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/2...x_mn_land.html

i like point/counterpoint type articles.

2 things about me: i tend to go with logic. i don't want to be married.
so it makes sense that i would agree with the man's POV. all his research is there. but in the end it seems like "if a woman has a stable career, and if you marry her, then a, b, and c, will happen, so ha! don't marry her!"

on the other hand, the woman's argument isnt any better: she seems to be saying "suck it up you big baby! MY marriage worked; whats wrong with YOU?"

i'm still digesting.

f8nacn · #2 09-04-2006, 08:33 PM

I skimmed the article and I must say...

Marry where your heart is at. I agree with Elizabeth and that there must be a willingness to change, a willingness to adapt to things that arise in marriages. Marriages take work and definitely there isn't some "cookie-cutter" format that we must work it by.

texas*princess · #3 09-04-2006, 08:46 PM

that article makes me ill.

What about the guys who cheat on their wives with their secretaries? Where are the statistics on that?

KAY10 · #4 09-04-2006, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by texas*princess

that article makes me ill.

What about the guys who cheat on their wives with their secretaries? Where are the statistics on that?

Marriage is very difficult. I wouldn't do it. For the fellas who decide to marry, make sure you have a job, and not only a job but one where you can financially carry the load.

texas*princess · #5 09-04-2006, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAY10

Marriage is very difficult. I wouldn't do it. For the fellas who decide to marry, make sure you have a job, and not only a job but one where you can financially carry the load.

"Financially carry the load"... can you clarify?

Are ya scared that a woman might make more than you someday? It is a problem if she does?

shinerbock · #6 09-04-2006, 11:11 PM

Whats wrong with the man providing? Its pretty common here for women not to work (at least after she has children).

macallan25 · #7 09-04-2006, 11:51 PM

Agreed. Sure as hell aren't going to put the children in day care or something like that. The misses can stay at home.

Munchkin03 · #8 09-05-2006, 07:40 PM

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

macallan25 · #9 09-05-2006, 07:44 PM

Agreed.

GeekyPenguin · #10 09-05-2006, 07:47 PM

If one of us stays at home it would be the Mister. I don't want to put my HAAAAHVARD degree to waste.

jubilance1922 · #11 09-05-2006, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

I definately want to be home with my children when they are little, but I don't want to give up on my career aspirations either. My mom didn't have to, and I don't think I should have to either.

mulattogyrl · #12 09-05-2006, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAY10

make sure you have a job, and not only a job but one where you can financially carry the load.

Why?

DSTRen13 · #13 09-05-2006, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shinerbock

Whats wrong with the man providing? Its pretty common here for women not to work (at least after she has children).

There's nothing wrong with it, just like there's nothing wrong with the woman providing. (I know some couples that plan on the man staying at home with the kids - several guys I know would LOVE to be stay-at-home dads, just like many of my female friends intend to be stay-at-home moms.)

Personally, I just plain don't want to be a housewife - nothing against it, it's just not my thing, and my fiance and I both feel that if we both plan our careers right that we will be able to take care of our children just fine by both making equal sacrifices. That way we both get what we want and our kids get what they need (PLUS an extra lesson on gender equality

).

Munchkin03 · #14 09-05-2006, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

It's not an issue of who goes to what (FWIW, my stay-at-home mother rarely went to any of my events), it's who takes care of the home. I live with my SO, and by the time that we both get home, neither of us has the energy to cook, clean, or have quality time as a couple. The quality of our home life suffers, and I can only imagine it getting worse if we have children unless we hire help. One of the most important things about creating a home is having a person who invests much of their time to the home and the people who occupy it.

There's a book of essays about this topic called "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife," by Caitlin Flanagan. It's a great book--one of my favorites.

amycat412 · #15 09-05-2006, 09:16 PM

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.