Non-Greek boyfriends and Girlfriends

WhiteDaisy128 · #1 09-27-2002, 01:40 PM

Okay, so I just got offered a bid to DG and I'm so excited about it. My boyfriend is dead set against it. I plan on doing it reguardless, but how can I convince him that it is not a terrible thing? It kills me because I am so happy but it hurts so much to think that something this petty would hurt our relationship...

I just don't know what to do!!

CJ

sororitygirl2 · #2 09-27-2002, 01:58 PM

I am guessing that he is probably just nervous about you hanging out with fraternity boys. Reassure him of the real reasons you decided to join Delta Gamma; let him know that he will not be replaced by your sorority or a fraternity man. I am sure that he will get used to the idea of you being in a sorority... it may just take him awhile.

I am assuming that he has a great deal of respect for you (or you probably would not be together), so I am sure that he will understand that you have made an educated decision and, hopefully, he will eventually support you in it.

texas*princess · #3 09-27-2002, 02:16 PM

the same thing happened to one of my friends!!!

she got offered a bid in a sorority, and her boyfriend was sooooo dead-set against it.

she ended up not going for the sorority thing, but majorly regretted it later.

one of the reasons he didn't like the idea was in fact because of the thought she would be around fraternity boys.. and he was allways saying stuff like 'they are going to put drugs in your drinks and rape you".. and just junk like that, which is soooooo not even true.

maybe something you could do is let him meet your new sisters, so he can get to know them and even trust them. maybe also something you could do is introduce him to the fraternity guys so maybe he can get to see how they really are, and not just stereotype all fraternity guys. ?

sigmagrrl · #4 09-27-2002, 02:26 PM

It's your life, not his. Do what you want.

BUT, I am familiar with your story. Why did you join? I hope it was for yourself. I know you also joined because your mom is sick, and you want this bond with her, right? None of this sounds like any reason to let a boyfriend interfere with a very important decision. Did you tell him what you told us? He should be in the know with what this means to you, and this wasn't just sprung on him like a surprise. Why are you all of a sudden bringing him into the mix when you are "so happy and are going to do it regardless"?

You can find other boyfriends, don't give up this decision.

The right boyfriend wouldn't make you feel like you have to choose.

MS_Alpha_PhiPsi · #5 09-27-2002, 02:49 PM

I must agree with what the ladies above have said to you about your situation. Only thing I don't agree with is the drugging of drinks and stuff. I can't speak for the entire greek system, but I know for a fact that we as well as others wouldn't even think about doing that to someone else. I can't post an opinion on what I have seen or done, however, I can give you advice based upon what I know. Joining a fraternity is a lifelong commitment and gives you so much to work with and enjoy. I know as greeks that we are all looked down upon b/c of the rumors and bad names that are givin' to us. I know here at Ole Miss we are about 60% greek now and the only reason the numbers are so high is b/c people are finally starting to see the good aspects of Greek life.

As for you, you got to do it for yourself. Keep in mind your relationship but try to explain to him what it means to you as an individual. From what I hear around here, it is a great accomplishment to get into a sorority. I can also see where he would think about you being involved with a bunch of fraternity guys. That I can't help you with. You know, it's all about you and what you want, but since you are concerned about it, you obviously have a solid relationship. If that is so, he shouldn't worry about it so much and support you on whatever your decision may be.
_______________
J. Strawn
Phi Kappa Psi
University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)

texas*princess · #6 09-27-2002, 05:15 PM

Yep, I agree with what everyone has said so far!

I think your boyfriend just doesn't realize that being in a sorority is not about parties and things like what it is made out to be in most movies.

Instead it is a deep bond with other women that lasts forever

You do philanthropies, fundraising and things like that.

I think in the case of my friend who opted out of the sorority, her boyfriend was EXTREMELY misinformed... he had a stereotypical view on fraternities she would be going to mixers with, etc. and that is why he was so strongly against it. I really think if she could have made him understand they were not really like that, he probably would not have been so against it.

Follow your heart!

I have to say, I somewhat agree with what Sigmagrrl said "The right boyfriend wouldn't make you feel like you have to choose."
Kind of true to a point.. but at the same time, he might just be worried about you. Maybe scared he won't be able to spend as much time with you?

When my boyfriend decided to join his GLO, I was honestly somewhat upset about it. I knew it was a great thing for him & everything, but it kinda bothered me that we couldn't spend as much time together. (The time we had together was really sparse to begin with mainly because of school & work). Our time together was really my main concern, but we worked it out

So that might be another one of your boyfriend's worries.

sororitygirl2 · #7 09-27-2002, 05:41 PM

I have to clarify what I said earlier... when I said he was probably nervous about you hanging out with fraternity boys, I was NOT implying that they are scandalous or would drug your drink, etc...

I was implying that he was probably worried about you meeting tons of great new, charming guys and finding someone you like better! Or feeling that you had to date a fraternity man now that you are a sorority woman.

Anyway, as everyone is saying... do what you want and what makes you happy. This bond with your mother obviously means so much to both you and her, and he will eventually understand that and not try to jeopardize it.

aephi alum · #8 09-27-2002, 05:50 PM

Go for it!

And sit down and have a talk with him... find out why he's so dead set against your joining a sorority, and just put his fears at ease. For instance, my husband (independent) was upset whenever I went to a mixer, but when I pointed out that I was really going to hang out and have fun with my sisters and some nice guys, not to hook up, he was ok with it.

Lady Pi Phi · #9 09-27-2002, 06:04 PM

This may sound harsh, but I think you should go for it. Don't let your boyfriend dictate your life. If he doesnt understand why joining a sorority is important to you, help him understand. If he still can't grasp the concept and he is still dead set against it maybe you should rethink the relationship. You are still young and have your whole life a head of you. You have to do what you have to do. Sometimes compromises are in order, but don't not join the DG because he doesn't want you to.

Kevin · #10 09-27-2002, 06:30 PM

Not biased here at all is it?

Have your boyfriend go through Rush next time it comes around. He might just be suprised.

WhiteDaisy128 · #11 09-28-2002, 10:26 AM

Thanks guys...he would never join a fraternity or anything, so asking him how he would feel if I didn't want him to doesn't really matter. He runs track and he has his track team, they might as well be a fraternity and that is how I explained it to him...what if I told him he couldn't run or every hang out with those guys? It was never a question of whether or not I would join. I have joined, I just was looking for ways to make it easier on him. We have a very strong relationship and I don't want this to cause any problems. I think once he meets my new sisters that he will change his mind, as they are not like the stereotypical "sorority girl" at all. Since DG is just a colony, a lot of fraternities have shown a great interest at doing mixers and other socials with us. I think that is what he does fear like many of you said. But honestly, that is NOT why I joined Delta Gamma. I joined for the sisterhood, scholarship, and philanthropy. I have told him this. I know that most social events are optional, and unless I can bring him, I probably will go to very few of them (as far as fraternity mixers and such), I've heard that mostly freshmen and sophomores go anway, as us Juniors and Seniors have grown out of the party thing...so I don't think it'll be a big deal. He is slowly starting to accept the idea...not like it, but at least give it a chance. He knows it'll make me happy, and that means the world to him. I guess I just have to stick this battle out. Thanks for all of the advice.

Kevin · #12 09-28-2002, 11:11 AM

I actually suggested he go through rush not necessarily to join.. Just to be exposed to a very positive side of fraternities. Until he has some first hand experience he really doesn't have a lot of room to talk bad about fraternities.

tunatartare · #13 08-10-2006, 11:51 PM

Haha I just saw this thread. CJ now aren't you glad you didn't listen to him?

RU OX Alum · #14 08-11-2006, 12:58 PM

CJ, Aren't you married now? Did you marry the same guy?

Tom Earp · #15 08-11-2006, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

CJ, Aren't you married now? Did you marry the same guy?

Good ? Bill!

But to point out to any others in the same situation, boy/girl friends may come and go, but Brother/Sister hood live forever.

My ex never really became involved with her GLO, she always felt to comfortable with My Fraternity!