Advice or Handholding needed

pleasehelp · #1 08-14-2006, 12:15 PM

I just found this forum and thought that some of you may be able to help. My daughter is going thru rush at UGA and just called. She is completely dejected and very disappointed with the invitations she received for the third round this morning. She received 10 invitations for round two and was OK emotionally. Her two favorites were still there but she was very disappointed with two or three that did not invite her back. But for third round, she only received three and is only really interested in one of them. She is devastated and I don't know what to say to calm her down. It is so hard when they are too far away for you to comfort them. We are not from Georgia and she doesn't know anyone at UGA. Do you think this will make it impossible to get a bid? I feel so bad that maybe I have set her up for failure. She is not a legacy but had multiple recs for most of the sororities and was dressed perfectly for all the rounds.

Does anyone know how many girls are invited to a sorority's preference round vs the number that a sorority invites to the third round?

Sorry for the lengthy message. I guess that I am just looking for comfort.

alum · #2 08-14-2006, 12:23 PM

Tell her to maximize her options and go back to all 3. Maybe she will end up liking the other 2 a little more.

This is always the downside of selection. Even though they may intellectually know that cuts can happen, it still is disappointing to the rushee (and her mom) when the release actually occur.

PenguinTrax · #3 08-14-2006, 12:26 PM

That is a tough one, and I'm sure your daughter is quite upset!

My best advice to you is for your daughter to continue going to as many parties as she has invitations for and to put on her BEST attitude for each and every party. Her attitude about a chapter may change drastically after just one event - it does happen. Third round parties are more intimate and she may get a better feel for the chapters that currently aren't her top choices.

Even if she gets only ONE invite for preferentials, she should go. If by the end of preferentials she is not in a position to sign her bid card, I recommend that she not do so and look at informal recruitment in the Fall or Spring.

If she signs her bid card and does not accept the bid she is given, she will be ineligible for membership until formal recruitment 2007. If she intentionally puts only one group on her card (when she has the opportunity to put more) and is not matched, she may be ineligible for membership until formal recruitment 2007, it depends on the campus Panhellenic Rules.

I'm sure the UGA experienced members here will chime in as well.

irishpipes · #4 08-14-2006, 12:45 PM

Please encourage her to go to all 3 parties. Even if she isn't thrilled or even is later released, she would be eligible for snap bids and quota additions. She might not get a bid if she continues, but she WILL not get a bid if she drops out. Best wishes to her!

AXiDTrish · #5 08-14-2006, 02:29 PM

Perhaps I'm being too narrow minded, but does she want to be IN a sorority or does she want to be in XYZ sorority?

The chapters at UGA are generally large, all have similar fun events, each hang out with fraternities, each have a good reputation nationally and most likely locally, each have a sisterhood to draw from and a support group within them. So really, if this is what she wants in a sorority, why be disappointed? Does she really want to wear letters with people that may not be interested in her? Chances are there are women in the three groups that asked her back that REALLY think she's great and could see the potential she could bring to their sisterhood! Tell her to refocus on the future of what these chapters have to offer....if she receives a bid...she could make her experience in one of those chapters the best in her life!!

Tell her to stay positive!! =)

pleasehelp · #6 08-14-2006, 02:43 PM

Thanks for all of the responses. AXiDTrish, the points you made were very helpful. They made me feel better and I will use them when I can get her on the phone. This really helped focus on why she is going through rush in the first place.

EE-BO · #7 08-14-2006, 02:48 PM

Well said AXiD. I was in a fraternity at UGA in the mid 1990s- later transferring back to UT where I affiliated.

One great thing about the UGA sororities is that they are all, for the most part, uniformly solid. I would also note there is a great degree of interaction between them in terms of social and charity events.

Additionally, Georgia is real strong on Christian and other non-Greek organizations where many sorority members participate and have friends and activities outside the confines of their own house.

The beauty of this is that you can pick a house where you fit in well- but also be assured of being part of a larger community where you can branch out and be as involved as you want without being pressured to confine your time to just your own house.

The Greek Community at UGA is respected and respectable- so there is less need to worry about being in the "right" house at the expense of being in the house where you will be most happy.

Best of luck to all the ladies rushing at UGA this fall!

PenguinTrax · #8 08-14-2006, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXiD670

I'm so confused. I thought the only time you were ineligible to go through recruitment for a whole year was if you signed your bid card, received a bid, and declined it. I didn't think that "suiciding" but still not receiving a bid made you ineligible. Is that a school-specific rule?

/hijack

I'll have to doublecheck my Green Book, but I believe that if a girl does not maximize her chances and SIPs, then she is ineligible for COB. That is the chance that you take. Maybe someone with a new edition can chime in??

Now, if a girl has only attended one Preferntial party, and doesn't receive a bid, she is still eligible for COB.

UPDATED: According to the 13th edition, there doesn't seem to be a unanimous agreement surrounding SIP. There is a recommendation that if a woman SIPs, she still be eligible for COB. So, in light of that, it may be a campus by campus rule. I have amended my original reply as well.

33girl · #9 08-14-2006, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXiD670

I'm so confused. I thought the only time you were ineligible to go through recruitment for a whole year was if you signed your bid card, received a bid, and declined it. I didn't think that "suiciding" but still not receiving a bid made you ineligible. Is that a school-specific rule?

/hijack

That's what I thought too - that schools were only using it to cut down on girls suiciding, turning around and pledging the group they planned on going to in the first place. (Confusing sentence)

Or that the main reason to not suicide at big schools was it caused computer glitches.

FSUZeta · #10 08-14-2006, 03:49 PM

barb, i got my green book out but i cannot find sip in it!! blind in one eye and can't see out of the other. i know i have seen it before. arrrrgh!

hopefully you will have better luck.

Drolefille · #11 08-14-2006, 03:51 PM

Random question: where does one GET a green book?

PenguinTrax · #12 08-14-2006, 03:53 PM

http://www.npcwomen.org and click on the publications link.

Drolefille · #13 08-14-2006, 04:10 PM

Gracias, I had to get there through NPC Store -> Publications

But 45 dollars for the book on CD

Shouldn't it be a smidgeon cheaper w/o the binding and stuff?

Anyone NOT want to copy if for me?

/delete the not

#14 08-14-2006, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Gracias, I had to get there through NPC Store -> Publications

But 45 dollars for the book on CD

Shouldn't it be a smidgeon cheaper w/o the binding and stuff?

Anyone NOT want to copy if for me?

/delete the not

Question for Barbara and those who've had different editions of the Green Book:

How often does the NPC update the Green Book?

acuisla · #15 08-14-2006, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PenguinTrax

I'll have to doublecheck my Green Book, but I believe that if a girl does not maximize her chances and SIPs, then she is ineligible for COB. That is the chance that you take. Maybe someone with a new edition can chime in??

Now, if a girl has only attended one Preferntial party, and doesn't receive a bid, she is still eligible for COB.

UPDATED: According to the 13th edition, there doesn't seem to be a unanimous agreement surrounding SIP. There is a recommendation that if a woman SIPs, she still be eligible for COB. So, in light of that, it may be a campus by campus rule. I have amended my original reply as well.

I believe that it's a fairly recent agreement to the 14th edition, which states that if a woman does not maximize her options (i.e. if she puts down only one sorority when she could put down 3, also referred to as single intentional preference or "suicide"), she is not eligible for quota additions if she is not matched during the regular bid matching process.

This means that there would have to be something in the Collegiate Panhellenic Council's rules that would prevent someone who SIPs (when did that become a verb??) from being eligible for COB.

It doesn't seem like a big deal to have a young woman become ineligible for quota additions, but what it means is pretty stark for the PNM.

If Suzy puts down only sorority XYZ after attending their pref party, and sorority XYZ puts her at the bottom of their list, their NM class will likely be filled before they get to Suzy's name. This means that even if XYZ is eligible for quota additions, Suzy will NOT get a bid from them. And she will have to go through the whole "will you accept a snap bid from sorority ABC" thing, when she really really really wanted to be XYZ. There is basically No Chance she will be matched for bid day unless her answer to the snap bid question is "yes", and even then, it's not going to be to sorority XYZ.

And to take it a step further, if Suzy was smart, she asked good questions and figured out how close XYZ was to campus total - XYZ may not be eligible to COB, and then Suzy won't have a chance of getting into XYZ until next year, when she will then have all the 2nd year things going against her.

All in all, for all you Suzys out there, it does not pay to "suicide" a sorority unless you truly mean you don't want to be part of the greek system if you can't be XYZ, or unless you are a many-times-over legacy to XYZ and they have a policy about where legacies get placed on the bid list.