How long would you wait until your SO popped the question?

[texas*princess]

Since there are 6549851325675231 other questions about knowing when you're in love/wanting to get married/everything else, I thought I would add to the chaos.

So, if you were dating a guy, how long would you wait for him to pop the question? A couple of years, 4-5 years, forever?

[adpiucf]

Once you get to be my age, the 2-year rule is instituted. More power to the girls who hang on for 9+ years, move in together and have babies in a common law marriage. Not my deal.

/Have I mentioned I'm single?

ETA: The 2 year rule is more for us older gals, but you should do whatever makes you happy.

[valkyrie]

Well, I personally don't give a rat's ass about getting married, so I'd say forever.

[VandalSquirrel]

I haven't, and don't picture myself waiting for a man to ask me. The relationships I have been in where marriage was a possibility it would have been discussed before hand and it would be a mutual decision. A factor in that is that I have my grandmother's engagement ring and plan to wear it. Not to say that if after we discuss getting married and we both agree we're going in that direction I would be uspet if he did some goofy thing to ask me, but I plan to see it coming.

[KSUViolet06]

I believe in the 2 year rule. If you've been dating me for 2 years and you still aren't sure if you want to marry me, then I don't know what to tell you.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by JocelynC

I believe in the 2 year rule. If you've been dating me for 2 years and you still aren't sure if you want to marry me, then I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know -- it bothers me when women have this attitude. First, I think it implies that, as a woman, OF COURSE you want to get married from the getgo and you're just setting an arbitrary deadline by which the guy you're dating better be on board with your plans.

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

What's the point of a two-year rule? What would be the harm in dating someone for longer than that without being engaged or married? What's the rush? Sometimes it seems that many young or youngish women see marriage as some sort of prize or some sort of milestone that MUST BE REACHED and THE SOONER THE BETTER.

Also, and this is getting off the topic a bit, but I really hate to hear people (and it's always women because guys don't talk this crazy shit) saying I can't wait to start our life together (or "start our new life together"), when referring to getting married. You and your significant other already HAVE a life together, whether you're married or engaged or living together or dating or holding hands at the library on Friday nights. That IS your life together. It really doesn't change much, if at all, after getting married. You started a life together when you started dating -- and I think it's very important for women in particular to be well aware that it's not going to change after you get married. (Of course, if you didn't live together before marriage, which I would never recommend, that will change.) This is why I think people shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage unless their relationship is pretty damn kickass. If you have a million problems before that, they're not going to magically go away or get better. They'll get worse or you'll get sick of dealing with them.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by JocelynC

I believe in the 2 year rule. If you've been dating me for 2 years and you still aren't sure if you want to marry me, then I don't know what to tell you.

I know what to tell you.

-RC
--Good luck, I'll give you a ride to the corner.

[LeslieAGD]

I've been with my fiance for almost 3 years. We were engaged after one year and two months, and we are getting married on Saturday.

It's hard for me to say "I would only wait X amount of time." That being said, I really think that if you don't know that you want to be fully committed to someone after 2-3 years, why are you still with that person?!?

I can't speak for all women but, for me, it's about stability. I want to know that we will be together permanently and that he values me (and I him) enough to make it legal and binding. Is it the "begining of our life together"? NO, that began in 2003.

[Sister Havana]

I don't have a maximum length of time. When the timing is right, I suppose.

However, if I am with a guy less than a year and he starts talking marriage, I get the heebie-jeebies.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I agree 100%. I met my fiance when I was 20 years old. If we had done the 2 year rule, we would have been married as soon as we graduated college. NO WAY! I wasn't ready and neither was he. We had been dating for a little over 5 years when he proposed (this past April). We wanted to wait until we were older, financially stable and had lived together for a year (in other words, knew that we could put up with each other as roommates!).

[Scandia]

Like various people have mentioned, it depends on the age, maturity, and financial/career stability of the people involved.

If you meet at 20 when you are college sophomores or juniors, then the wait can and should be several years long.

If you meet at age 30 when your careers are stable and you know what you want in a person, then you can pop the question after a shorter time. Two years of dating sounds reasonable.

If a 17 year old is mentioning marriage to you after knowing you a short time and you are not even in a relationship, RUN.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

Hell, even most Amish kids aren't finished with RUMSPRINGA! by that point.

[Ace_of_Diam0nds]

My time limit has always been 3 years, despite the fact that I am young, to declare one's intentions of where he sees the relationship going. Especially since I want to have kids and I do not want to be over 50 for the first college graduation. Although the health system allows us to have children far later than our ancestors would have dreamed, that does not mean we should be overly willing to encounter the risks that arise with childbirth beyond 37. The problem in our society is that women have a short period of time to decide if they want a family and how big it will be. Then she must decide when she is willing to settle down. This, in my opinion, happens before the future husband even comes into play. Most women know what they want and, despite the feared words of 'my biological clock is ticking', know that at some point the matter needs to be brought up. I would definately say that 2 to 3 years is a good time period to extend. If you wait longer, you may end up with someone that eventually changes their minds about what they want and then you are stuck in your prime doing the dating game when others are going along with their lives. There is this preconceived notion that one must get engaged and married within a certain amount of time. Most couples are engaged for awhile before they choose to take the final step. I look at an engagement as a statement that declares you want to spend your life with someone and they are absolutely important. At two to three years, a man should be willing to state his intentions as well as having a woman state her intentions. Otherwise, you are just playing around with each other and waiting for something better to come or for the bottom to drop out of the relationship.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Ace_of_Diam0nds

My time limit has always been 3 years, despite the fact that I am young, to declare one's intentions of where he sees the relationship going. Especially since I want to have kids and I do not want to be over 50 for the first college graduation. Although the health system allows us to have children far later than our ancestors would have dreamed, that does not mean we should be overly willing to encounter the risks that arise with childbirth beyond 37. The problem in our society is that women have a short period of time to decide if they want a family and how big it will be. Then she must decide when she is willing to settle down. This, in my opinion, happens before the future husband even comes into play. Most women know what they want and, despite the feared words of 'my biological clock is ticking', know that at some point the matter needs to be brought up. I would definately say that 2 to 3 years is a good time period to extend. If you wait longer, you may end up with someone that eventually changes their minds about what they want and then you are stuck in your prime doing the dating game when others are going along with their lives. There is this preconceived notion that one must get engaged and married within a certain amount of time. Most couples are engaged for awhile before they choose to take the final step. I look at an engagement as a statement that declares you want to spend your life with someone and they are absolutely important. At two to three years, a man should be willing to state his intentions as well as having a woman state her intentions. Otherwise, you are just playing around with each other and waiting for something better to come or for the bottom to drop out of the relationship.

Unless you're 34, I don't follow your logic.

Also, I get the sinking suspicion that 'declaring your intentions' is done with jewelry.

[AUDeltaGam]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I don't know -- it bothers me when women have this attitude. First, I think it implies that, as a woman, OF COURSE you want to get married from the getgo and you're just setting an arbitrary deadline by which the guy you're dating better be on board with your plans.

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

What's the point of a two-year rule? What would be the harm in dating someone for longer than that without being engaged or married? What's the rush? Sometimes it seems that many young or youngish women see marriage as some sort of prize or some sort of milestone that MUST BE REACHED and THE SOONER THE BETTER.

Also, and this is getting off the topic a bit, but I really hate to hear people (and it's always women because guys don't talk this crazy shit) saying I can't wait to start our life together (or "start our new life together"), when referring to getting married. You and your significant other already HAVE a life together, whether you're married or engaged or living together or dating or holding hands at the library on Friday nights. That IS your life together. It really doesn't change much, if at all, after getting married. You started a life together when you started dating -- and I think it's very important for women in particular to be well aware that it's not going to change after you get married. (Of course, if you didn't live together before marriage, which I would never recommend, that will change.) This is why I think people shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage unless their relationship is pretty damn kickass. If you have a million problems before that, they're not going to magically go away or get better. They'll get worse or you'll get sick of dealing with them.

AMEN! I couldn't have said it better.