parents and growing up

smiley21 · #1 06-04-2006, 08:19 PM

What do you do when you are trying to grow up and be an adult, but your parents won't let you?
I am out of college and still living at home with my mom and sister. I want to move to another city and start a career. My parents do not think that I am ready. They said that if I go, they will not support me in anyway. In other words, my leaving will turn my parents against me. I do not know what their problem is. I am 24 years old, so I think that is considered old enough to make my own decision. They are trying to make me feel guilty by insinuating that I am ruining my life if I don't listen to them.
I don't want them to be against me, but I want to start my own life. What would you do?

valkyrie · #2 06-04-2006, 08:35 PM

Go and do your thing -- you're an adult and you're out of college. It's time.

What's weird is that your parents are saying you're not "ready" to be on your own -- do they think they did such a crappy job raising you that you won't be able to survive on your own? If that's what they're saying, why in the hell should you be expected to give them any MORE time?

FWIW, I lived with my parents briefly after college, and my mom was pissed off when I moved out. Oh well. She got over it.

BobbyTheDon · #3 06-04-2006, 08:42 PM

whatever you do, don't go around pulling an Eric and Lyle Menedez ok?

SoCalGirl · #4 06-04-2006, 08:43 PM

I lived at home for three years after graduating. I moved out when my dad decided it was time for me to buy a condo and contributed money to the down payment. Eventhough it was his idea for me to move I still get grief for not being at their house all the time. If I don't call every other day I get guilt trips.

Your parents will learn to deal. You're an adult. They have to face that sooner or later.

texas*princess · #5 06-04-2006, 08:49 PM

In my hometown, a friend of my parent's is the same way with their kids.

They don't want their kids to move away after graduating HIGH SCHOOL.... so that leaves them with the only choice of going to the local 2-yr school and trying to do something after that.

In my opinion that's messed up. If your kids have what it takes to conquer a 4-yr school, why hold them back? One of their daughters is so amazingly smart, but her parents won't let her to go the school she wants.

One of their son's GOT MARRIED right out of high school just so he could get out of the house and go to Baylor with his new bride.

His mom wore black to the wedding.

So far all of my siblings have graduated high school and moved to completely different cities to pursue college and jobs afterwards. That family is like "how can you dump your kids in a city they've never been in???" Uhhh it's part of letting go to let them do what's best for their own life.

smiley21 · #6 06-04-2006, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
whatever you do, don't go around pulling an Eric and Lyle Menedez ok?

I understand what you guys are saying. I got into an arguement with my dad a few days ago. He said that I hurt his feelings because I told him that they (parents) are putting to much pressure on me to stay in Jacksonville when I do not want to. He gave me the guilt trip.
And apparently they do not trust me anymore because I am not as into church stuff as they would like me to be. They think that I am out doing ungodly things. Whatever.

BobbyTheDon · #7 06-04-2006, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21

Hey parent hater, don't roll your eyes at me.

smiley21 · #8 06-04-2006, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
Hey parent hater, don't roll your eyes at me.

LOL. I don't hate them you nut.

BobbyTheDon · #9 06-04-2006, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
LOL. I don't hate them you nut.

I know. It's obvious you love them dearly. You don't want to dissapoint them, and you are afraid to let them down gently...because you love them so much.

Awww...I feel like watching Dumbo right about now

Dionysus · #10 06-04-2006, 09:10 PM

Oh I'm in the same situation. Though I think my folks' concerns are legitimate. But, sometimes you just got to take risks.

uksparkle · #11 06-04-2006, 09:51 PM

Save up your money and do it on your own. If they don't want to support you, then you really don't have a choice if you REALLY want to leave Jacksonville.

I feel lucky that my parents always supported my decisions and even if they don't agree completely.

smiley21 · #12 06-04-2006, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by uksparkle
Save up your money and do it on your own. If they don't want to support you, then you really don't have a choice if you REALLY want to leave Jacksonville.

I know that I am definitely not happy staying here. I need to go and do new things. I need to live my own life.

uksparkle · #13 06-04-2006, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
I know that I am definitely not happy staying here. I need to go and do new things. I need to live my own life.

They will probably be very proud of you if you do it on your own anyway.

SOPi_Jawbreaker · #14 06-04-2006, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by uksparkle
Save up your money and do it on your own.

I second this. Also, you might want to sit your parents down and talk to them in as gentle a way as possible (so they don't feel their feelings are getting hurt and they don't get defensive). First off, tell them that they did a great job raising you and teaching you the life skills that you need. Then, explain to them the reasons why you want to move to wherever you want to move to (such as better job opportunites, better standard of living, safer neighborhood, better housing, etc.). Make them feel like you've thought this out very carefully and that this is what's best for you. Any good parent is going to want what's best for their child and would not want to stand in the way of that child's success or happiness. It may just take some time for your parents to come around, but it'll help if they see that you've thought this out and you want to move because it's what's best for you. Make it clear to them that it's not because you're trying to get away from them, that you love them very much, that you would keep in touch/visit, and that you are very capable of living independently.

DeltAlum · #15 06-05-2006, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
What do you do when you are trying to grow up and be an adult, but your parents won't let you?
I am out of college and still living at home with my mom and sister. I want to move to another city and start a career. My parents do not think that I am ready. They said that if I go, they will not support me in anyway. In other words, my leaving will turn my parents against me. I do not know what their problem is. I am 24 years old, so I think that is considered old enough to make my own decision. They are trying to make me feel guilty by insinuating that I am ruining my life if I don't listen to them.
I don't want them to be against me, but I want to start my own life. What would you do?

So, you're 24 years old and a college graduate, but you can't support yourself without your parents help? You won't move out because they say you can't? Am I reading that correctly?

If so, maybe they're right.

As has been suggested above, get your assets together and make the move.