Advisor needs advice

[ASAlady]

I am advising a nearby chapter of my sorority and have been doing so for about 2 months. I get the feeling they are not receiving me well. When they first met me they gave me the idea that they wanted me to become another sister of their chapter. I told them thank you, but my role is not to re-live the college experience, and I will attend what they invite me to (academic stuff, meetings, never parties or anything of that sort). They were fine with that, and I figured that I should be one of their advisors first, friend/sister second. I don't know if it is because it is the end of the year and they are tired, but I feel like they have been blowing me off majorly. They plan all this stuff out with me and then never follow through with it. I have a full time job and I am in night school getting another degree. I am too busy to plan around them for them to cancel at the last minute. I don't know what their deal is. I was thinking of quitting and advising another chapter who will be more appreciative. Any advice on how to handle this?

[FSUZeta]

please see my thread, which should have been a reply to your question.

[honeychile]

I agree with everything FSUZeta had to say.

What I did was to sit the Executive Board down and go over what did and didn't get done, what went well and what didn't. Then, I compared their sorority experience with work.

"Okay, Sarah, as Social Chairman, planned a Formal for (date). No one would be in her committee, and it fell through. I assume that not one of the sisters wanted to have a Formal this year?"

"Heather, as Housing Chair, did not meet with the full Housing Committee during her year. Therefore, you all did not get any of the improvements that you now see that you need badly - but haven't budgeted for them. Amy, as Treasurer, did not include enough money in her budget for Housing, and yet the Executive Board approved it."

"On the other hand, Hannah did get all of the catsuits properly washed, repaired when necessary, and followed the new standards on ritual equipment - and had an excess in her budget."

"Katie covered each point to her position in Membership Education and we had a 100% retainment! She went a little over budget, but upon asking the Advisory Committee, the funds were happily raised."

etc, etc, until everyone was covered. I would then pass out the basic stats - Name/Office/Budget/Results - to each sister involved, and say, "A sorority is most of your first experience in a corporation. Some of you would have received raises and/or promotions by the way your position was handled. Some of you would have been fired. Let's now discuss what worked and what didn't, looking at it in THAT light."

While I used the same basic discussion more than once, by the second year, things had improved 100%. Their motivation is to get the best job possible, and you are simply showing them how to do so. If they try to use their studies as a crutch (as opposed to a realistic reason for not doing something), then ask them what they would do if while working, their partner took maternity leave and they now had to do the work of two people. IT HAPPENS!

Oh, the last item? No crying. Since no yelling, accusations, or profanity was permitted, neither was crying. Keep it at a business level, and you'll do better at the sisterhood level!

As they say, it's the worst job you'll ever love!

[ASAlady]

Thanks for the advice and I see what you are saying. However, I can't even get them to meet with me, let alone sit down and go over things. I am thinking back to when it all went sour- they were so nice at first, then again I came on board the week they had a consultant visiting. So maybe it was just for show. It seems as though they want nothing to do with me. I mentioned I was going to put on an educational program for next semester and they got their panties in a bunch! I guess what I need is a detailed description of what they want from me. Communication is the key, though, and I can't even do that! It's frusterating but it is also hurtful, you know?

[honeychile]

Of course it hurts! When you were in school, did you fully cooperate with the Advisors?

Set up an appointment with whomever's responsibility it is to set up an Advisor's meeting. Tell them it's a pin attire meeting for the entire board, and you need a hand written excuse for anyone who cannot show up and why. Show up, dressed in pin attire. Hopefully, you have one room where you will stand out. Have your notebook, notes, and pass outs ready. Sit there, ready and smiling, and look at your watch every five minutes. Refuse to be drawn into conversation with anyone else, as "We're scheduled for a meeting at 7pm and I need to be prepared."

If you do not receive 50% participation within a half hour, tell the same person who set that meeting up to set up another one, the same week if possible, same rules. Talk to your superior; she'll have plenty of advice also.

Just like at work - to be an executive, you must ACT like an executive! They have you down as a patsy, and you cannot allow that to continue and still be effective!

[honeychile]

Sorry about the double post, but listen to yourself:

Originally posted by ASAlady
I mentioned I was going to put on an educational program for next semester and they got their panties in a bunch! I guess what I need is a detailed description of what they want from me.

1) Who cares about their panties? Who has the seniority here, and who's giving it away?

2) What they want from you?! That's not how being an Advisor works - it's what they need from you! I'm sure that you've been given some sort of Advisors Workbook or Manual - you need to re-read it and realize that THEY NEED YOU!!

I'd set some time aside for some serious soul-searching here. Advising is not for everyone, and many burn out faster than others. Admitting it and moving to a position where you will be more useful isn't failure - it's (again with the analogy!) a "career move".

[ASAlady]

After reading the replies, I realized I needed to mention an important factor that may or may not be the reason I am feeling left out. I am an AI. I was just initiated a few months ago. I wonder if that has anything to do with the disrespect, for lack of a better word.
Also, I never received an advisor manual. I have asked numerous times for the correct paperwork. Nothing.
Thanks for the advice, though! This semester is pretty much over, but next semester I am going to be more firm. Technically as an advisor I do have seniority, but I am sure there are girls who are not so happy about my AI status. Apparently some girls feel AI's did not "earn" their letters like they did.
But thanks. You have given me much to think about.

[LPIDelta]

My personal strategies for advisory success....

I treat my chapter members like adults--and I expect they will treat me as they would a colleague at work. It is important to be flexible with college students, but at the same time you need to tell them respectfully that you were disappointed that they did not cancel with you sooner. They do not invite me to everything and I don't take it personally.

Maybe I am wrong but I established a relationship with the chapter I advise by telling them, initially, that they needed to let me know what they needed from me--that I would offer assistance when asked but otherwise it was their chapter to run. This was a good way for us to establish that I was not interested in coming in and changing everything. I let them know that I respected their standards and appreciated their campus. With time, they trusted that I knew it was their chapter and the relationship is much more give and take.

I then started reviewing their minutes and reports to the national organization religiously and would offer suggestions to individual team leaders as necessary. I also established that my liaison with the chapter would be the president--and I keep her apprised if anyone contacts me regarding anything administrative. I keep things as 'transparent' as possible. I also told the president that I viewed it as my job to help her be as successful in her role as president as possible--that gained her trust.

I attend their chapter meetings as often as I can (it really should be more often--my goal is at least once a month next semester). At first I observed. If someone asked for my assistance, I would offer it. I only speak up in the meeting if I hear something that is not in line with policy. Otherwise, I pass any critiques of how to run the meeting or strategies for success on privately to the president and/or the key team leader.

I DO NOT engage in any petty personal issues among chapter members--ever (and I have told them this.) If there are issues, I speak to everyone and encourage indivduals to talk things out.

To gain the chapter's trust, I tell stories of my own personal experiences as a leader--the good, the bad and the ugly. They also seem to really enjoy hearing about what other chapters are doing, and they actually enjoying hearing little vignettes of my time in college. They see that I too was once where they are now...and that I understand. When the leadership was accused of running the meeting TOO efficiently and not giving everyone time to speak, I suggested they institute a good and welfare at the end of the meeting so that everyone would at least have an opportunity to speak and share if they wanted.

This chapter went from hiding everything negative from me to including me in their challenges. I never told them that they needed me...I simply was there, and worked my way in by building key relationships with the president and the leaders. I've had to communicate some tough things to this group of women, but they know its because I care and that I share their vision to be the strongest group possible. It's important to set high standards, but also important to remember that their success (or failure) is up to them.

Good luck!!!

ETA: I am an AI too, and its only a factor if you let it be.

[James]

Why would AI have anything to do with it?

IF they like you, they like you, if they don't, they won't.

But I am not sure what exactly the problem is other than you feeling left out and unappreciated.

OBviously you can attend any meetings that fit your schedule. They happen weekly. I am sure you posses a chapter calendar so you can go to those events also.

If they shceduled some social time with you, well you said you didn't want that anyway . . . I can see why you might be a little miffed at cancellations . . . but in the grand sceme of things that doesn't seem that important given that you can see them formally weekly.

Also I am not sure feeling unappreciated is fair . . what have you done for them that they should feel grateful for?

Thats not a jab at you, but i have noticed that some advisors feel that their mere presence should generate some type of affectionate gratitude.

So what is there to be firm about?

Also, that invitation of hanging out with the sisters was very nice of them not indicative of rejection. It wouldn't be reliving the college experience for you, it would be giving you an experience you didn't have.

If anything you rejected them and their good hearted offer.

[ASAlady]

Originally posted by James
Why would AI have anything to do with it?

IF they like you, they like you, if they don't, they won't.

But I am not sure what exactly the problem is other than you feeling left out and unappreciated.

OBviously you can attend any meetings that fit your schedule. They happen weekly. I am sure you posses a chapter calendar so you can go to those events also.

If they shceduled some social time with you, well you said you didn't want that anyway . . . I can see why you might be a little miffed at cancellations . . . but in the grand sceme of things that doesn't seem that important given that you can see them formally weekly.

Also I am not sure feeling unappreciated is fair . . what have you done for them that they should feel grateful for?

Thats not a jab at you, but i have noticed that some advisors feel that their mere presence should generate some type of affectionate gratitude.

So what is there to be firm about?

Also, that invitation of hanging out with the sisters was very nice of them not indicative of rejection. It wouldn't be reliving the college experience for you, it would be giving you an experience you didn't have.

If anything you rejected them and their good hearted offer.

For the record, they have given me absolutely nothing as far as paperwork, calendar, contact list, etc. I do not know when the meetings are because they get changed at times. I was going to go up last week to a meeting and the president called me and told me not to bother because it wasn't going to be a real meeting. She said that the next week would be more effective. This week arrives and the same thing happened, told me not to attend, it would not be worth it.
I don't feel as though I rejected them, I just thought my position was to be that of an advisor. The only rejections I gave were because I was asked to go out with them with an hours notice.
I feel unappreciated because they asked for my help, and I am there to help them yet they are not reciprocating. I am getting absolutely no feedback or communication with them. All I asked for was a contact list so I can get in touch with sisters when I needed to and meeting minutes. I asked for this 2 months ago.

[tunatartare]

Try scheduling a meeting with the president and eboard. Make sure you let them know that as an advisor your job is to help them and you can't do that if they don't inform you of when things are or cancel at the last minute. If all else fails, when is the next travelling consultant coming up again? Seeing as these girls clearly respond better when they are around, you can set up a meeting with you, her, and the sorority.

[AGDee]

Also, get some support from whatever they call your support team... the people above you. I would presume that all of the NPCs have higher level area supervisors of some sort who can provide you with training and assistance. In Alpha Gam, we have Province Directors who oversee 6-7 chapters and who are supposed to be direct support for the Chapter Advisors. Then we have Area Coordinators who support the Province Directors (overseeing 24-30 chapters). All of these women can travel to assist with training and with making sure the chapter officers are trained, have handbooks, are reporting, etc. In addition to those volunteers, there are staff at Headquarters who can assist in getting you manuals and things. You need to get in contact with those volunteers and get some assistance and perhaps some training yourself!

Good luck and don't give up. I have found, as I've moved into various positions with Alpha Gamma Delta, that it takes me about a year to get to know each job well and really get organized with it.

Panhellenically,

Dee

[kddani]

Are you technically their advisor? Like did someone say "you are officially the alumna advisor for XY chapter? Or did someone just say, you can help out with this chapter? There's a big difference. If you haven't gotten any information, then you're likely not an advisor. If you just show up at their door and say hey, meet your new advisor, without actually being their advisor, yeah, you're going to have problems.

If you ARE an advisor, I think that before you do too much you need to learn what an advisor does and how exactly chapters work. As a recent AI, you have not had the collegiate experience and you obviously don't know all the policies, etc. You haven't had the experience of being IN a chapter and knowing sort of how personal relations work, etc. That, of course, cannot be learned from a book, but more observation.

Keep in mind that you're not going to be able to do anything with the chapter until January. It's the end of the semester, most GLOs TOTALLY scale back all activities. Their grades are what's important right now, not trying to break in a new advisor.

I think you need to have a talk with the collegiate director (whatever the title is in ASA) before doing much more.

Where are the other alumnae? Isn't there an alumnae BOARD? Have you spoken to them? If not, you certainly should.

[gpb1874]

you defintely should not let you being an AI interfere with your ability to advise a chapter. i too am an AI and became an advisor (not chapter) after about a month, then chapter advisor after i had been in it less than a year. all the sisters knew that as they are the ones that initiated with me. i told them there would be a learning process as i learned more about how the chapter worked.

In the meantime, i did know how to be an advisor - making sure officers were following through with what they said they were going to do, helping mediate chapter problems, etc. It took about a year for me to feel fully comfortable with being the advisor. i also got ahold of the chapter manual with all the policies, procedures, officer responsibilities and expectations listed. it took a month or two b/c the old advisor had it. once i did get it, i read it and became familiar with everything in it.

if the previous advisor does not have one or is not willing to hand it over in a timely fashion, call your HQ and have them send you one. you can either pay for it or have HQ bill the chapter.

some social time can be good with the chapter...things like dinner or a movie night so you can get to know the officers and members better. i am still very close to some of the undergraduates and absolutely love them. however, they know that i am (was) their advisor and they needed to keep that in mind. they didn't talk to me about the latest party or how fun it was to get out to the clubs, unless it involved some sort of disciplinary question. you can walk that line of being advisor and friend, but you have to let the women know what your boundaries are (i would never contemplate going out to the bars with them and even at dinner, they rarely had a alcoholic drink -maybe once- and then they asked me if it was ok).

you have a lot of options out there and honeychile has good ideas. you do have to establish that authoritative position with them. i let my chapters know that i was pretty much HQ's rep on a local level so it was my responsibility to make sure they are meeting the expectations of HQ and following the rules. once you establish your position, i suggest beginning to build trust and respect with officers on an individual level by meeting with them one on one and asking how they are doing, what do they need help with, what ideas do they have, etc.

this is a hectic time for students but i usually took advantage of that by taking the pres out to lunch or dinner, my treat, to help her relax and do a stress check with her.

and go to executive board meetings. if i couldn't go to chapter meetings, i would def make it to exec meetings. that's where i would talk the most and had the opportunity to give positive and negative feedback in a closed environment. and i didn't have to hunt down people during the week to tell them something.

another thing to remember is that we often wait to hear from students...for them to tell us when something is wrong or that if they don't contact us, that they don't need us. that is simply not true. as advisors, i feel WE need to make that effort and reach out to the students. they may not realize how they need us or how we can help them until we show them.

i could write tons more, but i'll stop. let me know if you want to talk more.

[FSUZeta]

which office are you advising? for instance, i am the recruitment advisor-i work with the recruitment vp to make sure that the chapter is well prepared for formal recruitment(and for cor if need be) ,i attend their recruitment workshops and recruitment parties, i observe the voting and attend the bid matching and make sure that i know the most current panhellenic recruitment rules. i was formerly the general advisor-i sat in on the executive officers meetings and attended the chapter meetings, which were held on the same day.


different advisory positions require a different amount of time. if you are the general advisor(or whatever asa calls it) then i would imagine your duties would be to attend the chapter meetings and the executive officers meetings. the girls really run the show though. in the executive officers meetings, they each bring information unique to their position to the table, the vp1-coordinator of committees shares her committees plans with the other execs, they set an agenda for the chapter meeting and all this is observed by the general advisor. she is not telling them what to do(unless they are way off base)-she lets them make the decisions. she is there to help keep them on track and to answer any procedural questions they might have. she should be famaliar with the national general manual as well as the colleges rules.

has this chapter been operating without advisors for a while? if so, then the avoidance is not aimed at your personally, but rather, at you the ADVISOR. i would hazard a guess that the chapter thinks that they were doing fine on their own, and somewhat resent an adult presence. this will take some time to conquer, but after a few of the chapters administrations have come and gone, and you have hung in there, they will come to accept you.

i have found giving suggestions, rather than telling them what to do works wonders. for instance, you felt that the chapter would benefit from an educational program. there must be some officer, either elected or appointed that is ordinarily in charge of something like that. speaking to her directly about your idea for an education program might be the way to go. let her make the arrangements, line up the speaker, schedule the time, etc. you just pass on the idea and answer any questions as they arise.

you need a manual!! you should contact your headquarters and request one, be sent to you. you should also have a copy of your national by laws.

do you have an advisory board or are you it? find an older alumna who has served as an advisor and pick her brain. contact the national officer that is over your areas collegiate chapters .

as for not feeling appreciated-i think that goes with the territory. but honestly, how often are you appreciated at your job? does someone say to you on a daily basis,"gee, thanks for X"? most likely not. but i think that most of us who advise do it because, like you, we want to remain connected with our sorority on a local level, and we want to make a difference in some young womans life.