need some advice...

[amanda6035]

Hi sisters

Need some advice on a situation - trying to nip it in the butt before it gets too bad.

I have a sister in my chapter....who is the worlds biggest drama queen. No - not drama queen - more like "How can I make my life seem so miserable that people give me attention?" queen. We ALL love this sister, and are willing to do anything for her...but her attitude is getting to the point that none of us take anything she says seriously anymore.

About a month ago, I tried to approach her about the situation by taking her to lunch and just chatting about it. I didnt want to embarrass her in front of other people, and I was as delicate about how I chose my words as I possibly could be. Overall it was a good conversation, I thought it might help circumstances a bit, but apparently it has not.

It's gotten to the point that some of the guys in the fraternity that she is a sweetheart of just flat out dont like her and dont respect her anymore. One of the guys said something to me last night about how they cant handle her drama.

She dropped out of her chosen major because it was too tough for her. Rather than focusing on the rest of her studies, she figures it gives her more time to party. She misses classes ALOT, and I am honestly worried that shes going to get herself on academic probation. We have done everything we could to help her study for classes, and support her with acaedemics, but you know how the saying goes - you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink...

What else? Oh. She has "a bad back"...she ALWAYS looks miserable, she's ALWAYS whining and crying and complaining about how much pain she is in, this, that and the other. At first, we were truly concerned about her. But she never goes to the doctor, and she cries for attention so much that to be quite honest, it goes in one ear and out the other.

She recently broke up with a long time boyfriend (and started dating a first class loser within no time). She got mad at another sister who was conversing with the rest of us about her relationship, and claimed that it was selfish of the other sister to brag about her relationship when said girl had just broken up with someone. What are we supposed to do? Stop living our lives and do the "poor pitiful you" act for you everytime something goes wrong in your life?

We had Greek week last week. We did a human pyramid. This sister was too heavy to be on the top, so she agreen to be in the middle. Because she ALLOWED another sister to get on her back, the next day she bitched and moaned about it. The sister who was on top of her finally got tired of holding back and...was kinda mean...and said "Well maybe you should get a new back." I know, it was mean - but the truth is, ALL of us were thinking it, because she's CONSTANTLY complaining.

She also has recently given us this pity sob story about how she cant afford sorority anymore, she's gonna have to work all summer, this that and the other. I made a payment plan for her to pay dues over the course of the summer, into the fall, and spring and found a way for her to only have to pay anywhere bteween $7.50-$10 a week. She finally said "Oh, okay, MAYBE I can do that.."

When it comes to finances, I personally, have a hard time believing anybody cant afford it. I have had some rough times myself, I have had to put myself on a payment plan before. but I'm also a firm believer in "If you love something bad enough, you'll find a way to be able to afford to do it." Maybe - just MAYBE it MIGHT really be difficult for her. BUT - she didnt say anything about not being able to afford it, until we figured out that we were going to be coming back in the fall with only 4 members. One of our 6 is going to med school, the other is going inactive as a senior who is graduating. 4 people is already hard enough to come back with - but now she wants to "threaten" us with quitting now????

There's SO MUCH to the story - its not even funny. I WANT to have a teddy talk. I want to flat out tell her "Do you know why people roll their eyes and dont pay attention to you anymore? It's because you beg for it. You never smile, you never have anythign positive to say, you're always miserable and depressed, and quite frankly nobody takes you seriously anymore." BUT I CANT....and I DONT know how to handle this situation lightly. I tried once. it didnt work. I probably could continue to ignore the situation and just let her be - IF it werent so much of a problem that the boys were complaining about her now.

Does anybody have any ideas on how to approach such a delicate situation - but still get the point across that "Shut up, you're getting on our nerves all the time which is why nobody wants to hang out with you anymore."

I apologize if I have offended anybody with this. I cant put everything into words, so it might be hard for you all to understand this from my point of view - but seriously - the whining and crying, and constant complaining, and begging fr attention ALL THE TIME, has GOT to stop before we all lose our sanity. Thanks.

[alphaxikt]

Honestly, I think it sounds like your sister might be depressed - a major breakup can shake your confidence in everything, and that could be part of the reason that is she creating drama and trying to get attention. You might (lovingly) recommend that she talk to someone at your campus counseling center or another trained professional of her choice.

On the subject of a bad back, going to the doctor really isn't all that helpful - back injuries are often nebulous and very difficult to treat. A physical therapist might be able to recommend exercises to strengthen her abs/lower back to prevent back pain. Plus, exercise is good for depression too!

Also, the expression is typically "nipped in the bud" not nipped in the butt. That one made me giggle.

[amanda6035]

hmmm...thatnks for the expression correction. Heh.

Actually - you just gave me an idea. I know she's been talking to a counselor at school. I know who he is, he knows all of us. I wonder if I would be overstepping my boundaries by expressing my concerns to him, in a way that maybe he can talk to her about it?

[AXi1257]

Be careful how you approach a counselor helping another person... confidentiality issues and all. This girl definitely sounds depressed... so many people are and don't get help She may not see it, but she's lucky to have friends who care about her and want to help her! If you feel comfortable enough with her maybe you could talk to her again about your concerns about her being unhappy, sad, depressed, etc. Talk about specific behaviors you've seen that makes you question if she's depressed. Let us know how it all turns out! TFJ!

[amanda6035]

So Iota Theta is 2 years old as of yesterday! We had a sisterhood event last night to prepare for our big easter PR event that we've got going on next week. At the end of the event, we did, in fact have a teddy talk. I managed to somehow, choose my words carefully enough to not point any fingers at her, but I was able to say the things I needed to say in a round about way. Whether or not it had any impact or if she even listened is a different story.

She came in last night complaining about how she had so much homework to do and she hoped the event wouldnt take that long, blah blah blah. I looked at her and said "We ALL have homework to do. I'm going to up late tonight myself."

When we got around to the teddy talk, (which i know, they are 'confidential'...but I'm only talking about me, and I dont have a problem telling y'all) I first apologized to the chapter for me talking about my fiance leaving for deployment. I said something about how I try to not talk about it too much, but that it is tough, and IF I have talked about it so much to the point that I've annoyed the heck out of someone (which I hope I havent, I try to not talk about myself that much) then I apologize. I then went on to say that everybody in the room has different things going on in their lives - nobody's issues are more important than someone else's. I picked on one girl, and used her as an example (but thats cause I talked to her about it before hand, and she knew I was going to and was okay with it) and pointed out to everyone else that the issues in her life were understandable, as everyone else has issues and things going on in their personal lives. I said "We all have work, we all have homework, we all have personal issues going on. We are sisters, please be respectful of each other and what might be going on in that persons life. It's not fair for any of us to be wrapped up so much in our own lives that we cant be respectful of others. Me me me me me is not the way our chapter should run."

I probably said some other stuff along the same lines, but I know I did it in a way without pointing fingers directly at her. I hope that she got the clue though. I dunno. If she didn't, I'll probably rip my hair out before the semester is over with. I'm SO tired. I'm trying my best to be respectful of her circumstances, and I'm trying SO HARD to be a good listener - but DAMN if it dont get tiring after a while...