where are YOUUR babies: spin off of why arent you married

skchoclate · #1 06-05-2004, 11:39 AM

I know that this was touched on a bit in the Why Arent You Married discussion but this was really on my mind. First of all im only 21 still in school broke not married.

All my friends are broke havent finished school most of them have not even moved out their parents house yet, but are working on kid number 1, 2, and 3. Now most of all my friends have children now and they are looking at me like what you waiting on.....Im looking at them like are you crazy

.

i don't get it....I enjoy being able to go and come when i feel like it. Not to stereotype and assume but these guys don't act right half the time. But they steady making babies with them like its going to change something. Two of my friends are married. But they have never been anywhere seen anything......

maybe im missing something

preciousjeni · #2 06-05-2004, 12:01 PM

People seem to equate parenthood with adulthood and that's not the case. I have more people asking me "Why don't you have kids yet?" than "Why aren't you married yet?" I also live in the South where it's VERY prevalent.

Keep doing what you're doing and let them live their own lives!

Jill1228 · #3 06-05-2004, 02:09 PM

Well I am married...been married for 2.5 years and if I had a dollar for everytime I got the "when you gonna have kids"? I would be rich!

I will have them when i am good and ready! IE When the wallets are good and ready

cammykaze1920 · #4 06-05-2004, 05:22 PM

I hear the 'When are you gonna be married/have kids' line at least once a week from my parents.

aephi alum · #5 06-05-2004, 06:39 PM

I get the "when are you two going to have kids" question ALL THE TIME.

The question almost always comes from women. There seems to be a prevalent belief that you can't be a complete, fulfilled, successful woman unless you are married with kids.

I am married... but my husband and I each have plenty of things that we want to do (especially professionally) before we start in on little ones.

Peaches-n-Cream · #6 06-05-2004, 06:50 PM

Why aren't you married?

Because I haven't been asked.

Why don't you have children?

Because I am not married.

Yeah it's a cycle. Who knows, maybe one day soon.

jojapeach · #7 06-06-2004, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
There seems to be a prevalent belief that you can't be a complete, fulfilled, successful woman unless you are married with kids.

That sounds like Gospel to me. I feel sorry for the people that fall in line with that logic. It's really tragic when I meet people in my age group that automatically assume that all women are mothers. I only have one friend who is a mother, and all of us (Mommy included) have degrees and career ambitions. I just see marriage and kids as perks to your life, not requirements. This is 2004, not 1904, right?

Peaches-n-Cream: The sad part of that cycle seems to be that kids are coming first more often than not. Then, the parents decide to marry. Too bad most of them will not admit that the pregnancy did play at least a small part in the decision. If ya gonna live the life, at least be real about it.

PrettyPoodle95 · #8 06-10-2004, 02:04 PM

I will be 30 years old next year and I have no kids so you know the looks I get. I just did not want to have any kids out of wedlock. I would like to have a husband first and then a baby.

Jill1228 · #9 06-10-2004, 03:28 PM

Girl, I feel ya! I got that question the most from my cousins who got PG as teenagers! I didn't want to have a child out of wedlock (that is just me). I was barraged with that question when I was 30.

I got married 17 days before my 35th birthday and trust me I am still getting the "where are you babies"

Right now I have a 14 year old stepson and 2 kitties...until we get settled that is enough

Quote:

Originally posted by PrettyPoodle95
I will be 30 years old next year and I have no kids so you know the looks I get. I just did not want to have any kids out of wedlock. I would like to have a husband first and then a baby.

Steeltrap · #10 06-10-2004, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PrettyPoodle95
I will be 30 years old next year and I have no kids so you know the looks I get. I just did not want to have any kids out of wedlock. I would like to have a husband first and then a baby.

Shoot, I'm almost 40 and get this stuff all the time. I choose not to be a single mom for several reasons.

One, I'm not married.

Two, I was raised in a two-parent family and believe it works for ME. I have to put the "me" in because I'm a believer in to each her own.

Three, I'm in SoCal and don't make enough money to be a homeowner. How the h*** could I support a child if I can't buy a home?

It's a source of pain for me at times, particularly when my mother and sister are tripping over themselves to treat my nephew's GF's child as some sort of quasi-grandchild.

NinjaPoodle · #11 06-11-2004, 01:43 PM

1. Not ready
2 Not Married--single parenthood is not an option I choose
3. Enjoy the HE** out of being single.

TRSimon · #12 06-11-2004, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
I get the "when are you two going to have kids" question ALL THE TIME. The question almost always comes from women. There seems to be a prevalent belief that you can't be a complete, fulfilled, successful woman unless you are married with kids.

Really? In my personal experience, the prevalent belief has been that one must complete all graduate degrees and get the high powered job and anything less was falling short. Especially if one had the audacity to attempt to rear children and make them a priority over one's career.

I know of a lot of career people who have kids they don't know because they are out trying to accomplish career glory. I guess it works both ways.

aephi alum · #13 06-11-2004, 05:57 PM

Ah, but I live in Stepford.

Every family around here seems to have 3 kids and a SAHM.

I feel that I was put on this earth to fulfill several roles. One of them, hopefully, will be mother. Another, now and in the future, is career woman, in my case, small business owner.

The prevalent belief where I live is that if you are a working mother, you are automatically a bad mother, even if you work part time and/or telecommute and/or have a home office so you can spend more time with the little ones.

Why is it that men don't face these issues??

BlueReign · #14 06-14-2004, 11:41 AM

I remember before I had children people being surprised that I was over 25 and childless!! My younger sister was married for 8 years and she couldn't conceive. Most people never think that just maybe you can have the desire to be a mom but it just hasn't happened.

TRSimon · #15 06-14-2004, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
Ah, but I live in Stepford. Every family around here seems to have 3 kids and a SAHM.

I feel that I was put on this earth to fulfill several roles. One of them, hopefully, will be mother. Another, now and in the future, is career woman, in my case, small business owner.

The prevalent belief where I live is that if you are a working mother, you are automatically a bad mother, even if you work part time and/or telecommute and/or have a home office so you can spend more time with the little ones.

Why is it that men don't face these issues??

Because men can stay at the office all day and all night, and they are good providers.

NEways...

Stepford, huh? Hope y'all all don't wear pastels, 'cause everybody can't wear pastels.