Are single women

James · #1 02-04-2006, 07:28 PM

Made to feel like they have less social validity or something without a man in their life?

And does that pressure increase more as they get older?

Why?

ETA: I kind of mean this question as a contrast to men. I don't think we get as much social pressure to be in a relationship. I am not talking about parental pressure as much because I am sure the GraNDCHILd influence is strong for both genders.

HBADPi · #2 02-04-2006, 08:16 PM

There is definitely social pressure for women to be in a relationship. We get it from an early age and as we get older get it from parents and other people close to you that feel that you are not a complete person if you dont have a man by your side. Some cultures stress it more than others but I think its pretty prevalent. It seems that some see your life as a check list...once you are done with your degree(s) the next thing on the list is marriage and kids so you hear it from people a lot more once you finish school.

It gets worse as you get older because for women the window to have kids is a lot smaller than guys. You start having friends and family your age starting families and that may increase the social pressure a bit.

mu_agd · #3 02-04-2006, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HBADPi
There is definitely social pressure for women to be in a relationship. We get it from an early age and as we get older get it from parents and other people close to you that feel that you are not a complete person if you dont have a man by your side.

I don't see this at all among my friends and people I know. It's pretty much the complete opposite.

BobbyTheDon · #4 02-04-2006, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mu_agd
I don't see this at all among my friends and people I know. It's pretty much the complete opposite.

It's cause you're always drunk at the bar with annoying drunk Red Sox fans.

HBADPi · #5 02-04-2006, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mu_agd
I don't see this at all among my friends and people I know. It's pretty much the complete opposite.

Obviously its limited perspective, people can only talk about their experiences I'm talking about general social pressures in the media etc.

aephi alum · #6 02-04-2006, 09:50 PM

Women absolutely do feel more social pressure to get married and have children. Until as recently as my parents' generation, the only socially acceptable option available to women was to get married, have children, and give up any hope of a career in order to stay home with said children.

My mother-in-law was told flat out by her parents, "The only reason we are sending you to college is to meet and marry a future doctor."

I never faced the pressure myself. As it happened, I met my husband at college, and we were engaged before I graduated. In fact, my father was opposed to my engagement.

But I've seen the pressure put to many of my female friends, "When are you going to get maaaaaaaarrrrrrrried?? When are you going to settle down and have a baaaaabyyyyy??" People don't ask that of my male friends.

honeychile · #7 02-04-2006, 10:12 PM

I actually had a friend who was unmarried at 27 - beautiful woman, willowy blonde, bubbly personality, intelligent - and a guy asked her if she was married. She said no, and he asked if she was divorced (I forget how he knew her age). When she said no, he said, "Oh, no one's perfect enough for you, huh?"

She was crushed. At the time, she had just come off of a stint of working at the White House (that's how I met her), had been Homecoming Queen (she was DZ, fwiw), and had been asked to model. Her father's last words to her were, "I'm sure you'll get married sometime, Sweetie."

So, yeah, there's pressure on a lot of women. Maybe some escape it, but I'll bet the divorce rate wouldn't be quite so high if there was no societal pressure.

Rudey · #8 02-05-2006, 12:08 AM

James,

Have you ever even touched a woman?

-Rudey
--With all my love.

James · #9 02-05-2006, 02:53 AM

Only for money. It keeps the relationship more honest. Oh, and they go home when you pay them.

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
James,

Have you ever even touched a woman?

-Rudey
--With all my love.

UKDaisy · #10 02-05-2006, 03:02 AM

I think there's a lot more pressure on girls than guys. I mean in my family I am asked everytime I come home "so you have a boyfriend?" "when are you gonna settle down?" "isn't it time for a baby?". While my two guy cousins are never asked that question - AT ALL! In fact my grandfather encourages them to stay in school before settling down. The advice he gave me - "real one in while you still look half way decent, and make sure he has money"

AKA_Monet · #11 02-05-2006, 04:29 AM

Oh GLawd,

If I had a dime for everytime I was asked was I married before I married, I'd be a uber wealthy woman skiing in the Alps...

Now that I am married, folks are wondering when the baby's due... And it doesn't help that I am in my late 30's and I don't have the nice 28 year old figure--meaning I have female issues that cause me to bloat--and dammit it is a TMI, but I don't care, metabolism changes in women in their 30's...

Anyhow, my husband doesn't want children. And I'm nearing 40 and I don't think I can handle them at 40 or later myself... So what if I don't ever have kiddies?

But, I'm a luser if I neglect my biological duties, yada, yada, yada...

And my folks say they are NOT pressuring me... Yeah, right...

And my younger brother, who does have a son, my mom's first grandchild, is now working on getting divorce from his son's mother... You'd think they'd be happy not to have drama with grandkids acting like maniacs... But they want more???

Whatever...

James · #12 02-05-2006, 05:07 AM

Isn't it your duty to your mother and mother-in-law to produce some grandkids for them? I mean think about how they have suffered for you. And you know how kids can be the joy of their twilight years.

Don't be selfish . .

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Oh GLawd,

If I had a dime for everytime I was asked what I married before I married, I'd be a uber wealthy woman skiing in the Alps...

Now that I am married, folks are wondering when the baby's due... And it doesn't help that I am in my late 30's and I don't have the nice 28 year old figure--meaning I have female issues that cause me to bloat--and dammit it is a TMI, but I don't care, metabolism changes in women in their 30's...

Anyhow, my husband doesn't want children. And I'm nearing 40 and I don't think I can handle them at 40 or later myself... So what if I don't ever have kiddies?

But, I'm a luser if I neglect my biological duties, yada, yada, yada...

And my folks say they are NOT pressuring me... Yeah, right...

And my younger brother, who does have a son, my mom's first grandchild, is now working on getting divorce from his son's mother... You'd think they'd be happy not to have drama with grandkids acting like maniacs... But they want more???

Whatever...

texas*princess · #13 02-05-2006, 02:18 PM

One of my friends drives me absolutly nuts sometimes when she goes on her quest to end all singledom. She got married when she was 21 and believes everyone remotely close to her age should be also.

Out of our "group" she and her husband are the only married ones. And she will go ON AND ON about "when you're married, texas*princess, you can't forget to play such-and-such song at your dance/reception b/c that's our girl song!" and "when you get married, texas*princess, we can do such-and-such for your bachelorette partY!!! Oh it's going to be so much fun!!!"

Now she does this with ALL of the girls and I think it drives us equally nuts.

The funny thing about that is that NONE OF US ARE EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO GETTING MARRIED.

Hell, most of us are completely SINGLE.

I've always wondered why she is that way. Maybe it's because she sees us going out and having our fun when we want, with who we want and wants us all to be shackled down with a ball and chain like her. Who knows.

valkyrie · #14 02-05-2006, 02:19 PM

I've never been made to feel I have "less social validity" when not in a relationship, nor have I ever felt pressured to be in a relationship or have kids. That said, I've spent no significant time without being in a relationship since I was maybe 25 or so, if that makes a difference. Still, I don't think anybody treats me differently based on whether I'm in a relationship or not -- and I've never been asked when I'm getting married or having kids. I'd have no patience with people asking me questions that are none of their damn business.

That kind of thing is stupid anyway and why in the hell would I care if people or society thought less of me or treated me a certain way because I wasn't in a relationship? Women shouldn't give a shit about stuff like that -- do what you want and what makes you happy, and the hell with what anybody else thinks, expects, or wants.

And James, I'm sure you're kidding about the grandkids thing, but ew. If my parents want joy in their twilight years, they can move to the mountains and hang out with their grandpuppy.

33girl · #15 02-06-2006, 11:45 AM

God yes.

I however have learned to either 1) avoid people with that small minded type of view or 2) if I can't avoid them, make them feel really stupid or really bad for asking. I would say that people in my hometown probably would all think I'm a lesbian if some of them didn't have evidence to the contrary.

This doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be in a relationship again or that I don't get lonely sometimes...of course I do. But I learned that feeling lonely when you're with someone else is about 80 bilion times worse than feeling lonely when you're alone. I think there are people out there who don't realize that and think that's the way marriage/relationships are supposed to be....everyone has rough patches....but if you're so afraid to be alone and so afraid what people will think that you stay in a situation that has become a continual load of crap, you're hurting yourself more than you can imagine.

If I have kids, I do, if I don't, I wasn't meant to. That's the way I look at it. I can't take the pain of getting my ears pierced, I'm not sure what I would do with childbirth.