People of Greekchat v. Sockpuppet2

Internet Lawyer · #1 01-05-2006, 04:18 AM

Internet Lawyer
Greekchat Lawyers 'R' Us
1234 Mocking Lane
Any City, USA
867-5309

Attorneys for Citizens for a Sockpuppet-free Greekchat

Supreme Court of the Internet
Greekchat Branch
1000 Mocking Lane
Any City, USA
888-888-8888

People of Greekchat v. Sockpuppet2

SUBPOENA DUCES TECUM (CRIMINAL)

The People of the State of Greekchat, To: Sockpuppet2

You are ordered to appear as a witness in this action on January 5, 2006, at 8:30 a.m. or as soon thereafter as the matter may be heard, in the ChitChat Department of the Greekchat Branch of the Supreme Court of the Internet unless you make special arrangements with Internet Lawyer.

You are ordered to appear in person and to produce the documents and records described in the accompanying affidavit. The personal attendance of the custodian or other qualified witness and the production of original records is required by this subpoena.

If you have any questions about the time and date for your appearance or whether you need to appear, please call Internet Lawyer at 867-5309.

Dated: January 4, 2006 ____________________
INTERNET LAWYER

DECLARATION IN SUPPORT OF CRIMINAL SUBPOENA (DUCES TECUM) FOR PERSONAL APPERACE AND PRODUCTION OF DOCUMENTS AND THINGS AT TRIAL OR HEARING

I, the undersigned, declare I am the attorney for the People of Greekchat in the above-captioned matter.

The witness has possession or control of the following documents or other things and shall produce them at the time and place specified in the Subpoena.

(1) All documents demonstrating compliance with the Greekchat Terms of Service
(2) Any document that evidences, relates to or demonstrates that Erik P Conard or Tom Earp have not been attacking moderators unnecessarily.
(3) All documents which evidence, relate to or demonstrate sockpuppet2's identity.
(4) All documents which evidence, relate to or demonstrate that Sockpuppet2 is not Erik or Tom.

Good cause exists for the production of the foregoing documents and orther things for the following reasons:

(1) Tom and Erik have been attacking female mods without provocation or justification
(2) Many of Tom and Erik's posts have been violative of the Terms of Service; and
(3) Sockpuppet2 has been very supportive of Tom & Erik's posts.

The documents and things listed herein are material to the issues at bar because many people would like to see Tom and Erik banned in addition to sockpuppet 2, but cannot do so without further documentation.

I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the state of Greekchat that the foregoing is true and correct.

Dated: January 4, 2006 ____________________
INTERNET LAWYER

Edited to correct spelling mistakes, sorry!

BobbyTheDon · #2 01-05-2006, 04:37 AM

Your honor he is badgering the witness!

kddani · #3 01-05-2006, 07:30 AM

Oh man... this is too funny. I am hoping that whoever is behind this username (which I do NOT know, and who I am NOT and anyone who thinks so may ask John who can easily verify that I am not- not to mention that I was asleep when it was posted) cut and paste a lot of that.

But way too funny.

Rudey · #4 01-05-2006, 11:32 AM

Irony.

-Rudey

Lindz928 · #5 01-05-2006, 11:34 AM

Wow. Someone else who has WAY too much time on their hands.

GeekyPenguin · #6 01-05-2006, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lindz928
Wow. Someone else who has WAY too much time on their hands.

Interweb Lawyer probably has written a subpoena duces tecum before. They're not very hard.

And besides, they probably dictated it to their Internet Paralegal.

Lindz928 · #7 01-05-2006, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
Interweb Lawyer probably has written a subpoena duces tecum before. They're not very hard.

And besides, they probably dictated it to their Internet Paralegal.

Ok, that made me laugh.

But, I still think internet lawyer has way too much time on his/her hands. Aren't there more serious internet crimes out there? He should get with Hoosier and go after those people posting hazing pics on the web.

AlphaFrog · #8 01-05-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Irony.

-Rudey

Love it.

Lindz928 · #9 01-05-2006, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
Hmmm...do they have certifications for that? Maybe THAT'S why I'm having such difficulties finding a job in Charleston -- I'm not experienced as an Internet Paralegal!

Umm.... Maybe if you do some work with internet lawyer, you can include it on your resume... That might help give you a boost.

GeekyPenguin · #10 01-05-2006, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
Hmmm...do they have certifications for that? Maybe THAT'S why I'm having such difficulties finding a job in Charleston -- I'm not experienced as an Internet Paralegal!

I am a pretend paralegal, so I could not say. I can only imagine they might.

33girl · #11 01-05-2006, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lindz928
But, I still think internet lawyer has way too much time on his/her hands. Aren't there more serious internet crimes out there? He should get with Hoosier and go after those people posting hazing pics on the web.

I don't think that Internet Lawyer gets quite the "special feeling" out of seeing pics of people spanking each other like Hoosier does.

GeekyPenguin · #12 01-05-2006, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
I don't think that Internet Lawyer gets quite the "special feeling" out of seeing pics of people spanking each other like Hoosier does.

Perhaps it is because he has a repressed desire to attend a Catholic school?

Lawyers like crazy things, I am learning.

Sock Puppet2 · #13 01-05-2006, 01:53 PM

I'm certain that you can ascertain that my competance with the English language is far beyond the grasp of either Mr. Conard or his erudite cohort, Mr. Earp. As evidence, I've never used the word "outfit" when referring to a GLO and my spelling/grammatical mistakes are nil.

Interweb Lawyer, is your work pro bono? If so, I'd suggest e-muzzling Sandy and Dani before either causes more disgrace upon their respective GLOs. Both KD and AGD have far too much at stake than to let these two "ladies" sully their fine names by continuously attacking GreekChat posters and dredging up unsavory incidents (Ms. Brandi Rae Crawford-Saia).

AlphaFrog · #14 01-05-2006, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sock Puppet2
As evidence, I've never used the work "outfit" when referring to a GLO and my spelling/grammatical mistakes are nil.

The irony in this thread grows.

Sock Puppet2 · #15 01-05-2006, 02:07 PM

Yep, I made a mistake. It's nothing along the lines of a Tom Earp mistake.

I'd give you a cookie, but it's a bit soggy.