Etiquette ? -- Staying With Friends for a Week

WCUgirl · #1 01-05-2006, 04:58 PM

DELETE.

dzrose93 · #2 01-05-2006, 05:03 PM

I don't know if I'd offer cash since some folks might not feel comfortable accepting that from a friend. However, a gift card to a home store or to a nice restaurant for $100 would be good. That way they can get something they need for their new place or briefly get away from the moving boxes for a good meal.

Hope this helps!

Sistermadly · #3 01-05-2006, 05:05 PM

Not only would I give them a gift card or some other gift item, I'd buy groceries and offer to cook them a meal at least one of the nights you're there. If you don't want to cook for them, at least do takeout (good takeout, not just pizza) and volunteer to do the cleaning up after the meal.

MysticCat · #4 01-05-2006, 05:07 PM

Been there, done that -- as the "hosting" friends, at least.

I would not offer money. I think we would have been more than a little uncomfortable if our friend had offered us money, and I know we would have refused to accept it.

Instead, I would get them something they can use in their new house. That's harder for them to turn down. It doesn't have to be expensive, but just something nice. As dzrose93 suggests, a gift card might be a good alternative.

Also, I would say Mr. AXiD670 needs to provide a few meals (at least one a week), either by taking his hosts out or by buying the food himself and preparing it. Might cost something, but it's still cheaper than eating out himself all of that time.

And he should be jumping up quickly to help prepare meals and clean up after and to help keep the house clean. No fun, I know, but it's no fun for the hosts to have a guest for more than a few days who isn't helping out at all.

AGDee · #5 01-05-2006, 05:14 PM

He could take them out to dinner a couple times during his stay. I second the idea of a gift certificate to a Home Depot/Lowes type place. When you first buy a house you end up spending a small fortune there. He can also lend a hand with any improvement/fixer upper projects that may come up while he's there too.

Tom Earp · #6 01-05-2006, 06:02 PM

Never offer Money.

They will feel like You/He are buying their Friendship.

If they drink, buy some nice wines for dinner, take them out for dinner, gift cards may be nice but again, may seem like buying them.

Have Him do nice things so it doesnt seem like buying them.

Hell, I had to do that with My Parents and My Wife (EX) was not with Me. Wow, like still living at home but free!

Tell Him, not to be a slob, pick up after him self and do his own laundry!

Keep out of the way if need be!

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 01-05-2006, 06:05 PM

I think that he should buy groceries and take them out to dinner at least twice. I agree with a giving them a gift card to Home Depot or their favorite restaurant instead of cash.

Tom Earp · #8 01-05-2006, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
Tom, I can't get him to do that at home!

TOOOO FUNNY, but living under someone elses roof does strange things to a Guy!

It is a Guy Thing ya Know!

May be a slob with wife but not Peers who are Friends!

God, I wouldnt want to be talked about being a Slob to their other Buds!

polarpi · #9 01-06-2006, 09:54 AM

Everyone's given pretty much the advice I would give you

I'm currently staying with a friend of mine and her husband in their apartment - I know they wouldn't accept money as a type of "payment" for staying here, but I try and do other things - I've bought dinner and prepared dinner for them last night, I've washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen yesterday as a surprise for both of them (which was a *big* hit), and I'm just trying not to disrupt their normal routines. It helps that we also celebrated our Christmas together while I've been here, so I've been able to "spoil" the two of them with a few extra things

I think Mr. AXiD670 will be just fine staying with the friends and helping out - doing the little things that most of us take for granted (such as the buying meals, cooking dinner, doing dishes one night, etc)

MysticCat · #10 01-06-2006, 11:10 AM

I do have one other suggestion for Mr. AXiD670, again harking back to when Ms. MysticCat and I hosted a friend for a few weeks.

Suggest to him that he plan to be away from time to time. He might plan drinks or dinner with new co-workers or just to go to a movie by himself so that they can have some time to themselves. He also might encourage them to go out, assuring them he has a good book to read or a game to watch. Just suggest he be aware of giving them time alone, so they don't feel like they're playing "host" every minute at home.

FeeFee · #11 01-06-2006, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
Been there, done that -- as the "hosting" friends, at least.

I would not offer money. I think we would have been more than a little uncomfortable if our friend had offered us money, and I know we would have refused to accept it.

Instead, I would get them something they can use in their new house. That's harder for them to turn down. It doesn't have to be expensive, but just something nice. As dzrose93 suggests, a gift card might be a good alternative.

Also, I would say Mr. AXiD670 needs to provide a few meals (at least one a week), either by taking his hosts out or by buying the food himself and preparing it. Might cost something, but it's still cheaper than eating out himself all of that time.

And he should be jumping up quickly to help prepare meals and clean up after and to help keep the house clean. No fun, I know, but it's no fun for the hosts to have a guest for more than a few days who isn't helping out at all.

I was taught by Mama FeeFee that if I'm staying over someone's house for a few days or longer, I should make it my business to help out with the household chores. Gotta earn my keep.

A gift card for the new home is also a good idea.

thetalady · #12 01-07-2006, 12:29 AM

And tell him to be SURE to make up that futon nice & neat every single morning! And maybe bring home some fresh flowers for the table every now & then.

honeychile · #13 01-07-2006, 12:49 AM

I'm not sure that I could add anything to this excellent list! Quickly:

-Money is out; it just looks crass and/or awkward.
-Gift cards are wonderful. He's going to see up close what they need, so he'll know where to get them. If he's hopeless, ask for their favorite restaurant(s). Sometimes, a gift of 2-3 cards to family restaurants are even more welcome than that "someplace special" restaurant.
-Flowers are good, so long as he doesn't "one up" the husband.
-Candy is more unisex.
-I highly agree with MysticCat; tell your husband to find out when there's a good time to let them alone. He doesn't want to do it on a night when a nice dinner is being made (this happened to me once!).
-And if you need to type it out for him, give your husband some rules on being a good houseguest: hanging up towels, making up the futon, helping with dishes, and generally not being a problem.

Good luck!

James · #14 01-09-2006, 04:03 AM

I think money would be appropriate for a multi week stay unless there is a large income difference . . . they make dramatically more money than he does.

KSUViolet06 · #15 01-10-2006, 09:31 PM

DO CHORES. Offer to help with dishes, vacuuming, meals, etc. I don't know if you've ever had someone stay with you who sat on their booty and WATCHED you clean and do stuff. It's annoying. And he should be immaculate in cleaning up after himself. No one likes to feel like they have an extra child or something to clean up after.