Friendship

[Kamryn]

We all experience growing pains in many different forms in our lives.

Do you remember a time when you had a friend or friends who were not really your friend? Did you often find yourself saying to yourself that a real friend wouldn't do that? Did you ever extinguish the relationship? What happened? What made you realize that you were more of a friend to them than they were to you?

[D.COM]

Yes...

I have had "friends" who I really call "acquaintances." I think in my entire life, I've only had 1 "real" friend in high school, but even that relationship changed when we grew up and went our separate ways.

My sorors help fill in the void of "friendship."

For the most part, girls/women have been two-faced - friendly around me, but talk behind my back - I guess due to jealousy? Not sure, because I don't really know them, lol. I always hung out with the guys so I guess women hated this?

Anyway, a specific instance comes to mind. In high school, I was "friends" with a girl. We both were on the same sports team and pretty close - we hung out, talked on the phone, blah, blah, etc. Well, she made a subtle comment once about my boyfriend at the time (and from then on I watched my back because I knew she liked him).

Eventually, my ex and I broke up, only because he felt like he wanted to "see other people" , so our break up wasn't bad. This "friend" did not skip a heartbeat and was on him like white on rice by the next two days. Because I knew his intentions, I warned her about what he was looking for, but of course, she said "You just don't want no one to be with him," and she flaunted him in my face at every opportunity she had, so I didn't speak to her after that. It was difficult because we were still on the same team and saw each other every day.

This "friend" made sure that every moment she saw me, she would make sure to be on him and show affection towards him - I just ignored her . She would talk behind my back, and say things that were not true (maybe to justify her actions?) She eventually got hurt within the short time frame that they were "together," then came running to me to be my "friend" again. LOL I found this so interesting.

She not only messed up our relationship, but she also got played, lol I'm still good friends with my ex, but I do not speak to and have no interest in being friends with the so-called "friend." I believe that "shady" women do this sort of thing. It's a little more difficult to be friends with women than men due to several factors - just my opinion.
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Another instance, was some crazy girl on another sports team. She came up to me one day to fight Said a whole bunch of things to me in my face because she "was mad that our coach put me on two different sports teams, but I didn't show as much interest in one sport than the other." She pushed me, we fought, we got separated by other people, I didn't speak to her again, she tried to become my friend after two weeks. I never had the desire to be friends with her again.

Men tend to mend broken bonds much quicker than women, like by the next day, lol. For me, if I am back-stabbed or some "wrong" is done to me, I can EASILY cut that person out of my life forever, lol. That's just me I don't think I ever "tried" to mend a broken friendship, because there is a reason why the friendship was broken in the first place, and also because I have lost respect for that person and no longer wish to be associated with them in any way. I treat these relationships similar to how I treat romantic relationships - once we break up, I never ever go back.

But the funniest thing is when they try to be your "friend" again...I don't get that part
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If you google "Et tu, Brute?" you'll understand my signature.

[Dionysus]

Finding "real" female friends is like finding loose $50 bills in random places. They're out there, but I won't waste my time looking for them, because it is so rare that you find them.

I think having a group of friends do help to fill that void somewhat. You'll almost always have someone around, but you don't have to get that intimate with them. I guess that can be positive or negative, depending on the person.

[Kamryn]

Originally posted by D.COM
Yes...

Men tend to mend broken bonds much quicker than women, like by the next day, lol. For me, if I am back-stabbed or some "wrong" is done to me, I can EASILY cut that person out of my life forever, lol. That's just me I don't think I ever "tried" to mend a broken friendship, because there is a reason why the friendship was broken in the first place, and also because I have lost respect for that person and no longer wish to be associated with them in any way. I treat these relationships similar to how I treat romantic relationships - once we break up, I never ever go back.

But the funniest thing is when they try to be your "friend" again...I don't get that part
~~~~~
If you google "Et tu, Brute?" you'll understand my signature.

Wow, D.Com, your experiences sound too familiar. The first experience you talked about happened to me similarly my first year of college, and the second experience happened my first year of high school. On those instances I didn't go back, because that was the straw that broke the camels back. I couldn't let myself trust them again. BTW, I checked out your signature. I like that.

Originally posted by Dionysus
Finding "real" female friends is like finding loose $50 bills in random places.

Ain't that the truth!

The reason I asked these questions is because I'm making another one of those "transition" in my life, and I find myself reflecting on the past. I realized that to some extent I've been a little nieve about friendships, because I tend to make the wrong friends and taking forever to realize it. I think I have that quality because I am a good friend. I give everything I have to give in any relationship, and I expect others to be the same.

Another experience I had was a "friend" trying to hook up two of her best friends with the same man. Does that make any sense? What was the purpose of that? It was almost as if she or both he and she didn't expect us to ever talk to each other about him. Needless to say, the friendship was canned, and the potential relationship ended before it even had a chance to start. What kind of "friend" would do something like that?

I'm becoming a little bit more mindful of the friends that I make now. But I'm curious about your experiences. Maybe this thread can help us help eachother prepare for those friends with cruel intentions, or deal with them. Who knows, we may even get a little healthy humor.