How do you get romance back

ADPiShannan · #1 05-19-2004, 11:55 PM

OK I am married for about a year, but we've been together for 7 years. Weve lived together for about 4. I know we love each other to death and we get along so perfect, but its like he was so romantic for the first few years and now its like he doesnt have a romantic bone in his body.

It used to be hed bring me home cards and flowers and say the sweetest things, now I dont even see a card except on big occassions. I just wish he was more romantic. I cant comprehend how you can just quit doing such sweet things. I know I still get him cards and buy him cute things. Does romance leave after 7 years or what? I just want him back to how he used to be.

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

WCUgirl · #2 05-20-2004, 12:01 AM

edited b/c of drama

ADPiShannan · #3 05-20-2004, 12:29 AM

Has to be a married thing I swear. I guess I need attention and like alot of it lol. We do have time where we watch seperate shows, but we try to spend time together each night after work so we can say we still see each other.

I know about the card stuff. He reads them and says awww thanks Shan and then I end up putting them away in the house.

Were going on vacation this coming week so I hope we can try to get some time to spend and maybe have some romance. I dont know though. I just want some romance and some things that show he cares and really put thought into stuff.

norcalchick · #4 05-20-2004, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXiD670
Edit: Okay, see, my issue is I really don't care about more romance, I just want some freakin' attention! Him sitting in front of his computer 1 foot away from me sitting at my computer at the same time does NOT count as time spent together!

hehe. that is so my relationship! he works on his computer about 75% of the day. somtimes he'll take a break and go out with me to the mall or something. sometimes, we'll chat online when we're right next to eachother. lol. but yea, i used to get dinners cooked for me, warm towels when i shower, cards for no reason.

BobbyTheDon · #5 05-20-2004, 03:18 AM

role play role play role play role play! the excitement of fantasy...

sex in public sex in public sex in public! the thrill of getting caught...

i will now give a quote from FRIENDS, except twist it up a little.

" Have you ever thought about being there, FOR HIM."

ok now i have to throw another one in....

" you're over me? ...when were you under me?"

hey shannon, i hope that helps. if not. get divorce. jk

James · #6 05-20-2004, 02:14 PM

I am not sure you can.

I mean I know of both parties try you can. Even if the male does it alone you usually can.

Males are considered the initiators of romantic stuff in relationships. Generally lol.

All that I can think of is look at your sex life, remember that men approach feelings of intimacy through physical contact. Sex play.

So in a 7 day week, if you aren't having sex or serious sex play 4 or 5 days of it, the man is probably a bit mentally disengaged.

Here is another trick, try to prompt some serious foreplay without actual release for the guy at least once a day.

I know you guys say you do romantic stuff in this thread, but you don't. We do that stuff for you, because we know you think its romantic.

We don't like cards and stuff all that much, so why are you treating us like girls? If you want to be romantic towards us as guys, you have to think about what a guy wants.

You wouldn't want us to buy you a box of tools just because we like tools would you?

honeychile · #7 05-20-2004, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiShannan
Has to be a married thing I swear.

I'm afraid that mr. honeychile has been slacking in this department and we're not even married yet! We've been dating for almost 9 years, granted, but would an email to say "hi - thought of you" kill him?

*sigh*

And he wonders why I think we need counseling before we set a date.

PlymouthDZ · #8 05-20-2004, 03:29 PM

I'm in the very same boat with you ladies!

I've been dating my bf for 5 years now and he has turned into a dud in the romance department. (I love how he thinks that saying "Hi babe" will suddenly get me in "the mood"

)

I did talk to a friend (who has a LOT more experience than I do) and she said the main cause is he doesn't think he needs to romance (aka impress) you any more. He may not realize that you still want that type of attention.

So, she suggested.. try doing little things for him. That should (unless he is the least bright bulb in the package..) encourage him to do things in return.

For instance, my bf and I are long distance currently, while I finish up school. He stop sending me cards, or flowers, or even asking how my day was when we talked. Then I realized that I had stopped doing the same things for him. So, I started sending him cards and calling him in the middle of the day just to say "hi" or see how his day was going.. and it has started to work.

Try that? It might work.. it is worth a shot?

and if all else fails.. smack him upside the head and say "Whaddaya, stupid?"

(jk..jk..jk!!)

Shelacious · #9 05-20-2004, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
We don't like cards and stuff all that much, so why are you treating us like girls? If you want to be romantic towards us as guys, you have to think about what a guy wants.

Valid point. Men like sex, homecooked meals, their chores done for them, and toys they like bought for them. While some men do like "romantic" things like cards, flowers, etc., they are in the minority.

Men do the romantic stuff because WE like the romantic stuff.

Have you talked to him about your needs? Maybe, as someone else pointed out, maybe he thinks he doesn't "need" to do romantic things for you anymore because now you know he loves you. Maybe he still feels he's doing things to show he cares, but in a different package than you expect or want?

Talk to him and let him know that you know that he needs great sex, a pot roast and tickets to the hockey game to feel loved and fulfilled, and you need gebera daisys, a love note left on the kitchen fridge and a "thinking of you" card from time to time to feel the same.

PlymouthDZ · #10 05-20-2004, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shelacious
Valid point. Men like sex, homecooked meals, their chores done for them, and toys they like bought for them. While some men do like "romantic" things like cards, flowers, etc., they are in the minority.

Men do the romantic stuff because WE like the romantic stuff.

Have you talked to him about your needs? Maybe, as someone else pointed out, maybe he thinks he doesn't "need" to do romantic things for you anymore because now you know he loves you. Maybe he still feels he's doing things to show he cares, but in a different package than you expect or want?

Talk to him and let him know that you know that he needs great sex, a pot roast and tickets to the hockey game to feel loved and fulfilled, and you need gebera daisys, a love note left on the kitchen fridge and a "thinking of you" card from time to time to feel the same.

very valid points.

Quote:

Maybe he still feels he's doing things to show he cares, but in a different package than you expect or want?

^ that is probably right on the money.
I'll retract 80% of what I said to agree with that statement

starang21 · #11 05-20-2004, 07:32 PM

women are so hard to please....

AKA_Monet · #12 05-20-2004, 07:35 PM

Romance without finance is a nuisance...

Take a "unity bath" together... Make an aphrodisiac drink...

If all else fails, go to a romantical place--by yourself--like Jamaica where ALL the men are wondering what you are--it is an ego boost...

OR

Cheaply--find out where the "boys night out" is on a Friday and wear the hoochie mama outfit from Frederick's of Hollywood and see what his boys say... Then play on his "senses" all night long...

I dunno what it is, but Dolce & Gabanna perfum--the pure $100 perfum--is an aphrodisiac for men...

You all need to do something more with your lives, besides work and housewifeing... You need to help someone less fortunate than yourselves. Your panties would be all up in a bunch if you had something more to your lives than worrying 'bout how your partners ain't flowing the love your way...

Then it may have never been there in the first place...

Get involved. Be engaging... Move forward. Make a difference. If you man doesn't see that, he will never respect you for all the things you think he married you for...

OR

Maybe you all need a date night (or day or weekend) and you make a ritual out of it that you both share...

Your men ain't into you...

AOIIsilver · #13 05-20-2004, 07:41 PM

In 12 years, we have had some wonderful moments and some dry spells...let me correct that..dry years. We both have flashes of brilliance and moments of utter bordedom.

One way that I defintely got his attention in the romance department.....
I played Mr. Silver that song, "Buy Me Rose," from Kenny Rogers REALLY loudly OVER and OVER...AND I sang along.

Sad thing is....he brought home roses one day. My mom was visiting; we both turned and said in unision, "What did you break?"

Actually, Mr. Silver and I have made a conscious effort to revitalize our marriage. Turning off the TV and the computers was the first step.

IMO, a weekend retreat to a B & B that DOES NOT have a TV or telephone is a good start.

In his flashes of brilliance, he is a rare find indeed. For example, last year on my birthday, I went to AOII IHQ to give a tour to a friend. When I walked in the door, everyone there knew it was my birthday. I was presented with a rose-wrapped box containing a jeweled 1945 AOII badge from my chapter!

But, boredom is equally bad...guys, a USED harvest gold blender is NOT an appropriate anniversary gift no matter how good a deal it was.....

Silver

The1calledTKE · #14 05-20-2004, 07:45 PM

Chage up your routine what you do, what you say to him ect.. He is libel to change and the romantic flame might restart. Doing the same ole stuff you both take each other and everything for granted.

starang21 · #15 05-20-2004, 07:46 PM

so i take the normal come on:

"babe, lets smash"

won't work?