depledging

fighton10 · #1 09-13-2005, 01:45 AM

I, like another member on the forum, was dropped by my first choice sorority during formal fall recruitment this year. I ended up trying to have an open mind and signed a bid for another sorority. Now I have been pledging for about 3 weeks and I just feel like I don't fit in with the girls in this particular sorority. I love the activities and MND, but I can not see myself being actively involved with the sorority because I don't find myself having much in common with many of the girls that are my sisters. I am seriously considering depledging and trying for my first choice sorority next fall.

I understand that getting a bid from this sorority after they dropped me is not likely, but I have extended family members and friends that are alumni and would write me letters of recommendations. Would that actually help if I rush again next year get into my first choice? How much do LOR actually matter in fall rush?

What do you think the possibliltiy of getting a bid from another sorority would be especially my first choice?

kddani · #2 09-13-2005, 08:07 AM

Without knowing the school or more details, no one can really give you a good guess.
If your LOR didn't get you into the house you wanted this time around, they're not going to help more the next time around.

adpiucf · #3 09-13-2005, 09:06 AM

LOR are a little "extra" to get your foot in the door. They won't get you a bid. You've already been through a formal recruitment with this chapter. The same women will be there next year, with the PNM's they selected in this recruitment.

Stick with your current sorority awhile longer. You need to come out to events and make an effort to make friends in order to "feel the sisterhood." If you make a concerted effort and you're still not making friends, then drop before initiation.

However, I don't recommend you go through formal recruitment a second time unless you have a lot of friends in that chapter (which even then will not guarantee you a bid).

33girl · #4 09-13-2005, 10:01 AM

Are you at U of Southern Cal?

If so, you're better off to stick it out where you are.

Quit dwelling on your "first choice" and try a little harder to get to know the girls in the sorority you're in now.

Beanblossom1 · #5 09-13-2005, 10:38 AM

Anything new is going to be hard and awkward at first. Even though I joined my first choice sorority, it wasn't an automatic fit. It took a while for everyone to get to know and be comfortable with each other. This isn't a negative - just the way life and organizations are in general. Put an honest effort into getting to know the girls this semester before making a decision on whether to depledge.

sugar and spice · #6 09-13-2005, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Are you at U of Southern Cal?

If so, you're better off to stick it out where you are.

Quit dwelling on your "first choice" and try a little harder to get to know the girls in the sorority you're in now.

That's what I was thinking too. The screen name does imply USC, and if that's where the poster is at, her chances at getting into another sorority next year (especially if that sorority already cut her once) are pretty slim.

valkyrie · #7 09-13-2005, 12:41 PM

Let's say you are never, ever going to get a bid to your first choice sorority. If that is the case, would you rather be in the sorority you are in now, or not in a sorority? I think that's the real question you have to answer -- it would be foolish to quit now hoping that you'd get into another sorority.

KSUViolet06 · #8 09-13-2005, 12:58 PM

I say stick with it. You have only been pledging for 3 weeks. Alot can change in the time you are in the chapter. You may really bond during the rest of your new member period. But I wouldn't use your new memeber period as an indication of what the rest of your time there will be like. Things may feel differently when you get initiated.

You first choice cut you once. They're most likely going to do it again. Especially because you depledged another sorority. Just a note, recommendations DO NOT GUARANTEE a bid.

My advice ( though it may seem harsh):

Stop focusing on the chapter you're NOT in and focus on the one you ARE in. Most girls who are in your situation feel that way because they can't let go, which is really what you should do.

AlphaFrog · #9 09-13-2005, 01:07 PM

Trust me...I've been there...

I didn't get into my "first choice"...but I did get into my best choice.

I was a sophomore when I rushed so I thought I knew exactly where I wanted to go...however the more I hear about that particular house (even to this day I still hear things about it) the more it made me happy with my choice. You couldn't have told me that on Bid day, but I made the best of it and I really had fun.

amycat412 · #10 09-13-2005, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Are you at U of Southern Cal?

If so, you're better off to stick it out where you are.

Quit dwelling on your "first choice" and try a little harder to get to know the girls in the sorority you're in now.

As a USC alum, I have to echo this statement. It is VERY hard to re-rush there, and hard to rush as a sophomore or older.

Jhawkalum · #11 09-13-2005, 02:23 PM

I knew a few women who tried to re-rush as sophomores because they were dead set on one particular chapter or another. What they forgot, is that even if you are a freshman, the odds of you getting into that one "special" house are really against you -- because say there are 12 houses, only one out of every 12 women who goes through recruitment will get that sorority. Recruitment only gets harder for sophomores and juniors.

When I met the women from my pledge class, I didn't fit in either. However, I found a core group of seven friends, and we are still best friends now -- and we were the "black sheep" of the house, but we still loved our sisters. Just give it more of a chance, three weeks is not enough time to make a decision.

fighton10 · #12 09-13-2005, 03:58 PM

I am at USC and I did not have letters of recommendation the first time I rushed. I really do want to be in the greek system, but I feel like the sorority I ended up in is not for me. I do understand it will be hard to even get a bid next year, but I know one person who did it (granted 1 in however many girls there were is not a lot) , but I'm just hoping for some sort of luck I guess. How do sororities decide who they want to invite back? Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of getting a bid from another sorority the second time around?

KSUViolet06 · #13 09-13-2005, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fighton10
I am at USC and I did not have letters of recommendation the first time I rushed. I really do want to be in the greek system, but I feel like the sorority I ended up in is not for me. I do understand it will be hard to even get a bid next year, but I know one person who did it (granted 1 in however many girls there were is not a lot) , but I'm just hoping for some sort of luck I guess. How do sororities decide who they want to invite back? Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of getting a bid from another sorority the second time around?

I'm going to be a little honest right now. This is USC we're talking about. The girls are stellar, beautiful, accomplished, the whole 9 yards. You have VERY slim chances. Rushing to join ONE house is just not practical because do you REALLY think that this house is going to pass up on a freshman member for a girl who depledged another chapter? You say you still want to be Greek, well if you go through again, you have a BIG chance of getting cut, and not being Greek AT ALL then. I don't care how many recs you have. Girls in sororities KNOW who pledged where and they WILL ask things "Like didn't you get a bid last year?" There isn't a whole lot you can do to increase your chances if you choose to go through again. But of course I can't tell you what to do. I still stand by my original advice. Best of luck.

33girl · #14 09-13-2005, 04:11 PM

Read the advice you've been given again.

Do you hate the sorority you're in so much and are so miserable that you'd rather not be in the Greek system at all than be a member?

Because if you depledge at this school, it's very likely that's what the outcome will be.

It would be hard enough to get a bid just as a sophomore...it will be even harder to get a bid if you've already depledged one group.

adpiucf · #15 09-13-2005, 04:29 PM

Honestly, USC is a tough recruitment; I base this on my experience helping our chapter there with alumnae advising.

Bottom Line-- Membership selection and recruitment are a very emotional and trying time both for the chapters and the PNMs. How do sororities decide who they want to invite back? This is priviledged information unique to each chapter. No one on this board is at liberty to discuss.

Why are you so determined to get into this one group? Based on an impression of them at recruitment? Why are you so determined to leave the group who offered you a bid? Have you gone to any events? Made any effort to make friends?

Either stick with your current org or depledge and do not rush an NPC again. You might want to check out other options for Greek Life at the school, but it sounds to me as if you've put all your hopes in one basket for one NPC sorority in particular.

If you're insistent that your current sorority isn't for you, drop now and give them the opportunity to bid a member who wants to be there. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But if you're willing to throw in the towel after 3 weeks, you don't sound like you care anyway, and you're not the type of member that will be there for the long haul-- being in a women's group isn't always roses and teddy bears. Sometimes there are disagreements between chapter leaders and chapter members, or a member/group of members compromises the chapter in some way, or you just have a handful of people you don't like very much. That's normal and typical of any organization. Having 100 sisters does not equal having 100 friends.

Good luck with your decision.