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Squirrel Confessions
Courtesy of Craig's List:
1. I bury way, way too many nuts. I mean loads of them. There really is just something fucked-up about how many nuts I bury. And then I can't even remember where most of them are.
2. I don't even really like nuts.
3. I worry my tail isn't bushy enough. Sure it's bushy, but I look at some of the other squirrels, and their tails look so much bushier than mine, and it just makes me sad, you know?
4. Sometimes I eat my own offspring.
5. I fantasize about having another boy-squirrel pound my little furry ass really, really hard.
6. Often when I'm being chased by a dog, I think I'd like to just stop and let it eat me.
7. I'm scared of heights.
8. I hate the way everyone thinks my twitchy nose is cute. Fuck you, I have allergies!
9. I try to be a decent, tolerant squirrel but I can't stop thinking that there are too many grey squirrels coming over here and taking trees and nuts from us honest, hard-working red squirrels.
10. Some days I just wish I was a chipmunk instead.
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