Best Friend Issue

I am sort of in a sticky situation with my very best friend, which we'll call Bob. Bob is actually a male and is homosexual (which I have nothing against or anything). Bob is also slender at a normal weight and tall (6' +) and is a smoker. Lately, I have noticed Bob has lost MAJOR weight (20 or more pounds) in a very short period of time (like 2 months) that he didn't need to lose. I mean 5-10 pounds lost would be a lot for him to lose because he is lanky and skinny. His teeth have started to brown and yellow. Normally, his teeth are pristene (sp?) and would normally be horrified at this turn of events surrounding his teeth.

Granted, I know STDs, HIV, and AIDS can affect anyone no matter the race, gender, or sexuality. I also know Bulimia and Anorexia is a growing epidemic in the homosexual community . . . it's now affecting a lot of gay men, which he is. He could also have cancer . . . who knows?

My issue is this: I am concerned about his health because of the weight loss, teeth decolorization, and the fact he just looks sick. I don't know how to confront him and help him to get to the doctor for treatment for whatever he might have. I have thought about just asking if he was feeling all right . . . if he'd been sick lately. I don't know if I should point out he's lost a lot of weight or not. I wouldn't mention the teeth situation until the whole thing came out and there was an appropriate time to do so. It just worries me that his weight loss might be something very serious which he might not be getting treatment for. Any advice?

[gpb1874]

i think you are going in the right direction. tell him you are a little concerned.....that you noticed he has dropped weight and doesn't look well. i had a friend in HS who was gay and he lost about 15-20 lbs in a short amount of time. i asked him about it and he said he thought he looked fat and needed to lose weight. i showed my concern and that i didn't want him to do anything stupid like take lots of diet pills or starve himself just to look good for some guy (somewhat sarcastically, just like you would do for a girlfriend - ie: is he really worth all that?). he didn't get mad and at least he knew that i cared.

[BobbyTheDon]

out of all the names huh? Bob.

Couldn't make it Cornelius, or Mallory. No, Bob.

[AGDee]

Originally posted by ztawinthropgirl

My issue is this: I am concerned about his health because of the weight loss and the fact he just looks sick. ?

I think that saying exactly that would be fine. Perhaps there IS something going on. Before being diagnosed with Crohn's, I lost 65 pounds in 5 months, was pale, weak and faint all the time. A lot of people expressed concern and I was grateful for their concern.

[omegamcgee]

Being from Arkansas, the meth capitol of the world, what you've described sounds like a classic meth addiction. When you do meth, you don't sleep and you don't eat. Also, it rots your teeth. Apathy (like him not caring about his teeth) is also a side effect. I went to high school with a guy who did meth...it sounds exactly like this.

Good luck!

Yikes! Meth! I didn't even think of that one! Greenville, SC is really having a major problem with meth labs around the town. I don't have much background with meth addictions so I admit I don't know the symptoms. His face looks like skin and bones.

I guess the best thing is to ask him if he's feeling all right lately because it could be one of many things like a meth problem, Crohn's or something else. All I know is he looks very, very sick and unhealthy. I am just scared he's not taking care of himself the way he should and he needs some help.

BobbyTheDon, Yea, I named him Bob because the Quizno's commercial was on at the time. So I was like, "what the heck? let's call him Bob".

[KSigkid]

Asking him if he's feeling ok isn't out of bounds, especially if he's your best friend. However, I wouldn't venture any guesses on what it could be; you're not a doctor, and taking a guess on something like AIDS or a meth addiction is not the best idea.

OH no! I'd never ask him straight out if he had AIDS or a drug addiction. But I don't mind asking him if he's been feeling all right lately because I noticed a sudden weight loss and the fact his skin just looks gaunt and jaundiced.

[Kevin]

Meth was the first thing that popped into my head.

[squirrely girl]

i work at a rehab facility and we get a TON of meth users in for treatment and yes, that's what they look like. however, like everybody else has mentioned it could be any number of things, but weight loss like that is not healthy in general and you should probably talk to him.

- marissa

Originally posted by omegamcgee
Being from Arkansas, the meth capitol of the world, what you've described sounds like a classic meth addiction. When you do meth, you don't sleep and you don't eat. Also, it rots your teeth. Apathy (like him not caring about his teeth) is also a side effect. I went to high school with a guy who did meth...it sounds exactly like this.

Good luck!

Arkansas? Not that I'm proud of it, but you should try coming to Hawaii, my dear. We have the highest ice consumption rate in the country.

IT.IS.SCARY.

[Dionysus]

I thought Missouri was the meth capitol.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by ztawinthropgirl
I mean 5-10 pounds lost would be a lot for him to lose because he is lanky and skinny. His teeth have started to brown and yellow. Normally, his teeth are pristene (sp?) and would normally be horrified at this turn of events surrounding his teeth.

Drugs like meth may be a possibility, but you haven't said anything about his attitude and demeanor, which would be a HUGE indicator with meth.

You may also want to consider that he may have Anorexia Nervosa. The quick weight loss and discoloration of his teeth are two indicators of AN, especially if he is using purging as a means to getting rid of the food...

However you handle this, your friend needs help...even if you don't want to confront him with a specific ailment, you need to convince him to go to a doctor...let the doctor diagnose your friend...be supportive and even offer to go with him to the doctor's...

Good luck to you! Sounds like it a scary situation...

[winnieb]

Originally posted by Dionysus
I thought Missouri was the meth capitol.

I thought the same thing--- MO, I believe, is to have more prodcution facilities (per capita) than anywhere else.

But yes, that very much sounds like meth--- I would ask him if he is ok, feeling well, etc.

His demeanor is still the same and isn't erratic or sluggish. He's still the same person I have always known, except for some maturing since high school, of course. There is nothing changing when it comes to his personality really.

Of course, he is a smoker but my grandfather was a smoker for much longer than my friend, and his teeth didn't look like my friend's. My grandfather had all of his teeth when he passed away. Of course, there are differences in quality of teeth but I was like "dang!" when I saw his teeth. His teeth are yellow and look like they have cavities. They're not black but brown and I was horrified.