im that girl

justme2282 · #1 07-13-2003, 10:07 AM

As rush is approaching, i would like to make a confession. I am a bad rusher. I discovered this last fall rush, i went to every single rush workshop and payed attention and even practiced. But somehow rush came around and by the end of rush i was kept behind the scenes and not even allowed to talk to PNMs. I guess our rush chairs were watching us during the first part and didnt like my style and so by the end of rush i was pretty upset because we had all these girls come ot our house and i had barely talked to a few of them. Granted i know im pretty un sorority type but i when i was rushing in the begining i played by all the rules and neuances its just i dont know. I am stil kind of sore by that as much as id like to forget it and looking towards next year i would realy like to be a better rusher and therefore a better asset to my house. I just feel like im letting down my house by being termed as a bad rusher. The only other person who was joining me behind the scenes were girls who had never been to ONE rush worskhop. Does anybody have any tips or suggestions, you can PM me too pleaase!!!! thanks
-just me

justamom · #2 07-13-2003, 11:43 AM

I don't know why, but your post just hit me in the heart...

Sweetie, have you considered talking to the recruitment chair?
Are you too shy to ask her face to face? I would bet a LOT of people reading GC are in your situation, but haven't mentioned it.
I think if it were me, I'd talk to the chairman privately and tell her you really are disappointed and sad you will miss the opportunity to meet the PNMs. Ask her what you need to improve on or maybe you could be paired with someone.

I KNOW a lot of sororites have designated rushers. They are the girls who have the image the sorority wants to "put out" there, OR the ability to pull people out of their shells. Sometimes the advisors have some influence too.
It's probably because the PNMs are looking at the actives just as hard as the actives are looking at THEM. This is a solid strategy when you are competing for the same PNMs. I think we've all heard stories about this happening from time to time and it sure isn't a great way to make a sister feel.

Personally, I think they should pair you up with someone and give you the opportunity to polish up on your recruiting skills. It IS a skill, ad you have to admire anyone who is good at it. HOWEVER- I think EVERYONE should take a turn behind the scenes-well maybe not the committee or the Prez, but you won't get any better at rushing if you don't get the opportunity to try!

justme2282 · #3 07-13-2003, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
I don't know why, but your post just hit me in the heart...

Sweetie, have you considered talking to the recruitment chair?
Are you too shy to ask her face to face? I would bet a LOT of people reading GC are in your situation, but haven't mentioned it.
I think if it were me, I'd talk to the chairman privately and tell her you really are disappointed and sad you will miss the opportunity to meet the PNMs. Ask her what you need to improve on or maybe you could be paired with someone.

I KNOW a lot of sororites have designated rushers. They are the girls who have the image the sorority wants to "put out" there, OR the ability to pull people out of their shells. Sometimes the advisors have some influence too.
It's probably because the PNMs are looking at the actives just as hard as the actives are looking at THEM. This is a solid strategy when you are competing for the same PNMs. I think we've all heard stories about this happening from time to time and it sure isn't a great way to make a sister feel.

Personally, I think they should pair you up with someone and give you the opportunity to polish up on your recruiting skills. It IS a skill, ad you have to admire anyone who is good at it. HOWEVER- I think EVERYONE should take a turn behind the scenes-well maybe not the committee or the Prez, but you won't get any better at rushing if you don't get the opportunity to try!

I did talk to her at the time and she told me not to take it personally its just that they needed to put our veteran
(read good) rushers out there. Thing is it IS really hard not to take it personal and its exactly true that there is no way i can get better if ive never ever even had much experience! Then again i see why it is important for the house to have good rushers. This is why i really want to get better, maybe if i go and talk to our new rush chairman once rush workshops start again, she could help me? sometimes i just feel like even wiht all the workshops and stuff then there must just be something inheritly wrong so then i just maybe belong behind the scenes. But then how can you justify voting on PNMS you dont even know because you were just hanging out in an unused part of the house just until they needed you in an emergency. Then i feel bad because i feel its every rushers job to know as much as possible about the PNMs. Aaaah the whole thing makes me nervous. Any more advice, support or tips are really welcome!

aephi alum · #4 07-13-2003, 12:20 PM

Definitely talk to your new recruitment chair. Otherwise she may feel that you were a bad rusher last year, and shunt you to the back room for all of rush.

There's something to be said for primarily using "veteran" rushers during later rounds, especially pref. But that shouldn't mean that others get shunted aside. You could be paired with someone, or be a floater. Like you said, how can you become a better rusher unless you rush? It's like learning to drive a car, you can read about it all you want, but you will never be a good driver unless you actually get behind the wheel.

Does your sorority do informal rush? That would be a good way to practice rush and conversation skills with actual PNMs without the pressure of FR hanging over you. (I know that doesn't help you much right now, with FR coming up.)

Or you could practice with members of the rush committee, who can give you pointers.

Or you could join the rush committee - they pretty much have to be on the floor throughout.

Good luck

justme2282 · #5 07-13-2003, 12:29 PM

Pairing up? Can you define this because i know for a fact that we arent suppose to have two actives talking to one PNM at once, its too overwhealming.
And yes we do have informal.
Thanks for suggestions, please keep them comming, im really bound and determined to become at least a decent rusher. Especially since i have three more years of rushing years.

WhiteDaisy128 · #6 07-13-2003, 12:40 PM

One thing you might ask about, something that was done at my pref with DG was that each PNM was paired with a Sister, but then two pairs were always together...so it was two sisters and two PNM's...that way we got to know a few of our possible future pledge sisters as well as more sisters...maybe if you did this with someone (say a really really excellent rusher) then you wouldn't feel so much pressure.

Just a thought.

aephi alum · #7 07-13-2003, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justme2282
Pairing up? Can you define this because i know for a fact that we arent suppose to have two actives talking to one PNM at once, its too overwhealming.

I was thinking of two actives with two PNMs. (like WhiteDaisy said)

If you can't have two actives talking to one PNM at once, how do you gracefully rotate sisters in and out of convos?

Another thought: How about a rotation scheme where you're not actually talking to any one PNM for a long period of time? This will let you meet PNMs and get practice rushing, while also addressing the concerns of the rush chairs that you're not the world's best rusher.

astroAPhi · #8 07-13-2003, 01:21 PM

Hon, you would be amazed at how many people are actually not good rushers. Some of the most well-liked girls in my sorority are AWFUL at Formal Recruitment situations. If a girl is floundering, we do bail them out, but we expect them to learn and jump back in eventually.

You are right in that you won't ever get the experience if you're always pushed to the back. And for that matter, neither will anyone else who isn't a natural rusher. I'm one of our strongest rushers but I always make sure to help the girls who aren't naturally inclined. You are only as strong as your weakest member. Definitely talk to someone because you obviously want to be better.

And most of all, you are not letting your sorority down. If you threw a fit and stomped around when they asked you to step aside, then I'd say that maybe you were. But you obviously want to improve yourself for the sake of the sorority, and that makes you an absolutely amazing member.

The two PNMs to two rushers is an excellent idea for weaker rushers. I'm actually going to suggest that come August when we're preparing for Formal. Thanks ladies.

veemers · #9 07-13-2003, 09:35 PM

Wow. Rush is a lot more casual at my school. (We only have three sororities.) Anywhoo, the policy at my sorority is that we like to have as many actives as possible at all Rush events. Each active is a sister and has a right to learn about those women interested in the sorority.

Besides, what makes a good Rusher? My favorite Rush events were always the ones that were relaxed and casual. Sure, some sisters know more about the sorority's history, or about the traditions and values that Theta Pi's hold, but still! Each Rushee should know who *all* the sisters are, not just the "best" ones.

Wow. I hope things work out so that you can be more involved in Rush.

justme2282 · #10 07-14-2003, 05:48 AM

Thank you all for all your help.
Yes sometimes we do, the two on two thing (although not always), so i will be the first to ask if we could maybe have me paired with someone who can help me.
It also makes me feel better that it was mentioned that a lot of people are bad rushers because i felt like i was the only one in my chapter. And obviously i know my sisters still love me and all that stuff but its just really hard to go to every rush workshop only to do nothing throughout rush.
If anyone has any other tips to people who may be in my situation but dont want to admit it, please post them here!

astroAPhi · #11 07-14-2003, 09:51 AM

Another thing I wanted to add, but forgot earlier:

What makes a good rusher? In my opinion, it's someone who can connect with another person and knows whether the person they're talking to is right for your house. Ideally, we'd like the person that we're rushing to join our house, but I think a good rusher can also pick out which girls are best for your house. We always say "quality over quantity", but during rush we seem to want to take every single girl unless they are flat out rude.

But on the connection thing, maybe there is a girl who went through Recruitment and you, justme, are the one person who could connect with her. I'll admit, I am considered a "good Rusher" but even I have trouble with certain types of people. I was an orientation counselor my sophomore year and I rushed a girl who had been a member of my orientation group. When I said, "Oh, you were in my orientation group!" she replied, "Yeah, you sucked." I had no clue what to do! I gave the signal for "I need to get outta here" and one of our VPs bailed me out. But I floundered for a good minute and had no clue what to say to someone who was so blatantly rude. None of us were able to connect with her, but she joined another sorority, so apparently someone was able to connect with her.

But hey, I still consider myself a good Rusher because I was able to tell that she would not make a good Alpha Phi.

Little E · #12 07-14-2003, 01:51 PM

Do you have any friends that are Greek and do formal rush? Could they maybe help you practice also? (or is that not good?) My house, and imean almost the whole house, is not good at rush. I go to an ultra-anti-greek school. we are more likely to be laughed at than anything else. Veemers goes to my school she could probably agree.
Talk to the veteran rushers also, the ones that the sorority really puts out there and see if they'll spend one-on-one time with you. Talk to them, ask them questions, you may find that one of them was in your situation once too. Good Luck and keep your head up!
Tau Love
Lil E

shadokat · #13 07-14-2003, 01:59 PM

I am sure you aren't the only member of your chapter who has trouble with recruitment. I would ask the recruitment chair to get a workshop together for those of you who maybe need a little more skills or confidence in your skills to help. Part of being in charge of recruitment is to make your sisters better recruiters, and by teaching you, it takes the pressure off of everyone!

LightBulb · #14 08-14-2005, 01:30 AM

*bump*

PM_Mama00 · #15 08-14-2005, 10:40 AM

Flame me if you want, but if someone is a bad rusher, then why not put them behind the scenes?

I'm talking from experience. The girls who actually SCARE girls off? Are very overwhelming? Have nothing to talk about with the PNM or talk about the wrong things? Get into arguments with the PNM about something?

This has happened with a few sororities on my campus. Not sure what they did but it was definitely a PNM horror story. Why should one "bad" apple ruin it for the rest?

NOT saying that justme is one of these people, but you never know unless you're in that house/room.

If this happens to your chapter, why not find something else for that rusher to do? OR if you are that person, then ask if there's something else you can do?