My baby's daddy

MIDWESTDIVA · #1 01-18-2001, 06:26 PM

Since we're on the subject of dead beat dads, I would like to get your thoughts on this situation. What do you all think about women who get pregnant, but don't know who the father of their child is, because they have had multiple partners in a short period of time? Let's say this woman decides to tell one of the men she has been intimate with, that he is the father, even though she doesn't know this for certain. This man supports this child like a father should. Years pass, and this man finds out that he is not the biological father of the child.

Is it fair for the mother to expect this man to remain a part of her child's life? Is it fair for the mother to call up a man she may not have seen or talked to in years and say "Guess what? You're my baby's daddy?"

I just want to get your thoughts on this scenario.

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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

prettypoodle6 · #2 01-18-2001, 06:52 PM

I think any woman who puts herself in the situation needs to own up to her resposibilites. Meaning she needs to be honest and let everyone involved know that they may or may not be the father of her child. And not make any accusations until the DNA tests comes back.

Regardless of what the woman may think, by lying (or being misleading) she's hurting her child (by them living life not knowing who their real dad is), the man (who's spent time, love and money on a kid that aint even theirs), and herself for having to live with a horrible lie.

Is it fair for the mother to expect this man to remain a part of her child's life? I guess in her convoluted (sp?) mind she might think so, but I dont. This wasnt a fair game from the start.....

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[This message has been edited by prettypoodle6 (edited January 18, 2001).]

ManndingoNUPE · #3 01-19-2001, 05:38 PM

I got a sob story about one of my best friends. She got pregnant, said it was his, and when she tried to get him to increase his monthly payment, he asked her to get a paternity test (He willingly gave her money, she didn't need to take him to court). She was hesitant but eventually she came around, come to find out that it wasn't his. Now me and my boys knew that it wasn't his, and told him so, and we are the ones who pushed him to get the paternity test.

He was crushed. He trully loved this child, and to find out that he was played was even worse. I love this bra, becuase regardless of what this stank azz woman has done (she admits that she knew it wasn't his), he still wants to be part of the babies life. The dude who is the real father wants nothing to do with it. Her own family is mad at her becuase they know that she will probably never find another brother like my boy.

So these women really need to think about this, becuase you hurt the child as well as the father. Brothers have feeling too you know.

MN

The Original Ape · #4 01-20-2001, 05:23 PM

The

Quote:

Originally posted by MIDWESTDIVA:
Since we're on the subject of dead beat dads, I would like to get your thoughts on this situation. What do you all think about women who get pregnant, but don't know who the father of their child is, because they have had multiple partners in a short period of time? Let's say this woman decides to tell one of the men she has been intimate with, that he is the father, even though she doesn't know this for certain. This man supports this child like a father should. Years pass, and this man finds out that he is not the biological father of the child.

Is it fair for the mother to expect this man to remain a part of her child's life? Is it fair for the mother to call up a man she may not have seen or talked to in years and say "Guess what? You're my baby's daddy?"

I just want to get your thoughts on this scenario.

I hope you know the answer to this question. If it's conversation you want, e-mail me.

MIDWESTDIVA · #5 01-20-2001, 05:50 PM

LOL @ Original Ape.

Of course I have my own thoughts about this situation. But I want to know what you would do if you found out that your child really isn't your child? What would you do if a woman from your past called you and told you that you are the father of a five year old? Feel free to email your response.

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"There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it." ~George Bernard Shaw

The Original Ape · #6 01-21-2001, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MIDWESTDIVA:
LOL @ Original Ape.
Of course I have my own thoughts about this situation. But I want to know what you would do if you found out that your child really isn't your child? What would you do if a woman from your past called you and told you that you are the father of a five year old? Feel free to email your response.

1) If I found out that the child I grew to love, financially supported for five years, wasn't mine; I probably would slowly reduce my time with the child-as well as my payments. I would do it gradually because it isn't the child's fault; and the child shouldn't have to suffer because of the gank shit of the mother.

2)If a woman suddenly contacted me and provided proof that I was the father of her five-year-old child, I would ask her about the men that the child grew attached to before she realized her error. If there were none, I would have her bring the child to a mall/park, and meet the child in my own cute way. After getting our schedules together, I would begin spending time with the child and providing financial support.

I am well aware of how delicate this situation is; and I would do my best to make our new life as best it can be.

EspeRHO · #7 01-22-2001, 01:06 AM

Original Ape I like the way you present yourself. I might not always like what you say, but you are one of those rare brothers that keep it real. Fatherhood is one of my biggest passions, cause my father never did the things he should have for his sons and for me, so for you to say that you would make the effort to be a father to your child after 5 years of not knowing you had one is something that I highly RESPECT and COMMEND. I wish all men thought like that.

Esperho Fall '99

[This message has been edited by EspeRHO (edited January 22, 2001).]

Miss. Mocha · #8 01-22-2001, 12:06 PM

I don't know. Maybe because I'm female, I have a different take on this.

If the mom chose a guy out of the bunch, without malice, truly thinking and/or hoping that he actually was the father, then the situation becomes too similar to a "switched at birth" thing. I mean the hospital gives you the baby, truly thinking and/or hoping it's yours.

My daughter is six and she is the joy of my heart, GOD is the only thing on earth that comes before her, and her well being.

If some well-meaning nurse showed up on my doorstep with another little girl, talking about "mistake", I promise on everything that the nurse is gonna get the GASFACE.

At this point, I don't really care if my daughter was switched at birth.... SHE IS MINE!!!!!! I'm not about to give her up because I didn't birth her. That's outlandish!!!

So the idea that a guy could go from having a baby being the center of his life to being like, "Oh well", just because he didn't "make" it,is hard for me to swallow.

However, one should keep in mind that I'm on my highhorse knowing that my daugher is biologically mine, and my husband knows that she's his, so maybe I'm jaded.

Miss. Mocha

straightBOS · #9 01-24-2001, 03:57 PM

Miss Mocha, you arguement is valid but you must understand that men and women are different.

IF you are in the hospital and you see that baby pop out of you and is handed to you, and you take the child home and raise it, you *should* have the right to be 100% confident that is is yours, after all, you carried the child in your belly for 9 months, so you know it was inside of you.

But a man does not have that same assurance, after he sows his seed, techinically, its out of his hands, all he can do is wait. The only assurance he has is the word of the mother. If he loves and trusts this woman, then he will have no fear that the child is his (like your husband). And even if there is some question, he may feel guitly for asking the mother if she is sure that it is his.

For a woman, you have an unseen bond with your child that began way before it came into the world. A father, biologically speaking, does not have that same bond, its forged after birth.

I don't think it is fair to force a man to forge a bond with a child that is not his own. There is something about the bioligical certainty of one's fatherhood that a man must have. For a woman, the certainty is there from the time you find out you are pregnant.

I'm not a man, so I really can't speak for them. But I don't think we take the feelings of the father into consideration enough in these cases.

The Original Ape · #10 01-27-2001, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EspeRHO:
Original Ape I like the way you present yourself. I might not always like what you say, but you are one of those rare brothers that keep it real. Fatherhood is one of my biggest passions, cause my father never did the things he should have for his sons and for me, so for you to say that you would make the effort to be a father to your child after 5 years of not knowing you had one is something that I highly RESPECT and COMMEND. I wish all men thought like that.

Esperho Fall '99

[This message has been edited by EspeRHO (edited January 22, 2001).]

Thanks for the flower sista!

Chi_ZETABBW · #11 01-28-2001, 12:18 AM

I'm tired of these trifling women pulling this. It seems to be more common. I almost feel like a man is a fool if he don't request a paternity test from birth. I'm a woman and I have these views that I'm sure I will get backlashed for, but this needs to stop. The only person that gets hurt is the child.
It's 2001 and if you are not using protection, that's the first problem. The second problem is men not requesting a paternity test. Do they want children that bad?
http://www.directcertificates.com/cg...=vote&ID=13222

The Original Ape · #12 01-28-2001, 02:31 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
I'm tired of these trifling women pulling this. It seems to be more common. I almost feel like a man is a fool if he don't request a paternity test from birth. I'm a woman and I have these views that I'm sure I will get backlashed for, but this needs to stop. The only person that gets hurt is the child.
It's 2001 and if you are not using protection, that's the first problem. The second problem is men not requesting a paternity test. Do they want children that bad?
http://www.directcertificates.com/cg...=vote&ID=13222 [/QUOTE

Good point.

MIDWESTDIVA · #13 01-29-2001, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
It's 2001 and if you are not using protection, that's the first problem. The second problem is men not requesting a paternity test. Do they want children that bad?

I agree!