Adviser help - feeling unappreciated

[WesternAlumn]

I am an adviser with a sorority. Lately, I have felt unappreciated by the members of the sorority. I have done lots for them over the years. But since there has been a new Exec, I find that I am just a thing taking up space at their meetings. My input is not wanted and I feel useless (except when there is a crisis, then the phone cannot stop ringing!)

I feel like resigning my adviser position.

Any advice about the above would be appreciated.

[winneythepooh7]

Welcome to my world. I just began an Advisor position this past fall. From what I understand though, the chapter hasn't had an advisor in over 6 years though, which sounds a lot different than your situation. I went to a Volunteer Training for my organization recently and EVERYONE recommended I keep a strong prescence in the upcoming semester. Some of the ladies in my alumnae association also suggested I make events mandatory centered around the areas the chapter is doing poor in (ie. financial management, recruitment, etc.) and plan a day when I will go to do this rather than wait for the chapter to get back to me (which they don't). I try to look at things from an undergrad perspective though, and realize that as alums, we are seen as "big bad National that closes chapters down". I used to think this in the past when I was in undergrad, but I think now that most GLO's really are open to working with problematic chapters, despite what many undergrads may think. I think the problem lies in trying to get the chapters to be more willing to work with National and to get away from doing a lot of negative stuff that may have happened in the past, that is seen as "tradition". I am also open to receiving any "advice" anyone has in this area because I know it is not going to be any easy road ahead of me by any means. I am glad someone brought up this subject because there are so many underlying issues we need to help overcome!!!

[FSUZeta]

chapter, i feel that i am there to guide, not to boss or demand.i make sure that they follow our national guidelines and panhellenic
guidelines.they run their chapter meetings, executive council and program council meetings, they plan their recruitment events , set their scholarship rules,decide how they are going to raise money for their philanthropy,etc. i might suggest an idea to them, but they decide if they want to implement it. just as we raise our children to be self-sufficient, so we must raise our collegiate sisters to learn to make decisions (and the right ones , at that!) on their own.

[Tom Earp]

Yepper, welcome to the Real World of Advisorship!

As you can see by My Sig., I have been around My Chapter a long time!

While I was Not Official Advisor, I was always there except for a short period of time.

"FSUZeta", reread her post.

"winneythepooh7", also reread Her Post.

Same Thing, two different circumstances.

Making suggestions, if they want to listen.

Free Wheelers, We dont need anyone.

That is called BS!

LXA requires Chapters to have Advisors and is a Pre-Reqeuisets to getting Charterd and to stay current Chapters.

Hang in Both of You, they will get used to you and when you send your reports in To Hq. then they may learn!

I had a confrintation once and was told it was none of my Fu+king Business they ran the chapter. I told them the reason We were having this conversation was because I started the whole thing and if not for Me, We wouldnt be standing there, Period!

Well, We are celebrating 40 years next Month.

It is a thankless job, but they dont understand untill years later!!!!!!!! Then they say, "Why Didnt I Listen Then"!

[AChiOAlumna]

I'll also join this bandwagon, if I may...

I'm not going to go into detail just out of respect for the chapter, but I have also been on the verge of dropping my advisory position due to the chapter's lack of respect for the advisory board and the expectation that we're always there to save them out of a tough spot....

PM me if you want to commisserate...

[hannahgirl]

I guess my issue is kind of opposite. DG has a rule that you have to be out of your chapter 3 years before returning as an advisor (I'm sure most sororities have a variation of this rule). Well....I've been out for a year now and my chapter is in desperate need of a Recruitment Advisor and no one is willing to do it. (well, no one but me). The Alumnae chapter has recognized this and I even spent fall recruitment with them as a "Co-Advisor" type with the current Advisor who just can't fulfill the position anymore.

Well.....our Chapter Advisor was supposed to talk to whoever she needed to in order to get me in as the new RA and it seems that her one and only effort has failed and she's given up on trying. I'm aware that she spoke with one person but I'm positive that if she spoke to our Regional Recruitment person or even someone at EO, that they would understand the situation the chapter is in and waive the rule. I especially think this because they know me personally from when I myself was in charge of recruitment and being involved with the chapter.

I guess my biggest problem right now is the fact that the chapter looks to me as the Advisor....calling me with questions, asking me to be at the house for the events, etc. I just feel very discouraged because I want to help but I also don't want to just be there helping when I spent the last semester preparing to advise. It just really upsets me that I can be an advisor at any other chapter now, but I'm being held back from my chapter because I haven't been out of school long enough.

Excuse my ranting....just hoping that someone else has been through this situation also.

[AChiOAlumna]

Hannahgirl...As someone who has been out of the chapter for 10+ years, let me tell you that your organization is smart for making this rule. I've seen girls who are recent alums come back the next year to help with Recruitment. It never works out as they are too close to the house (emotionally) and want to become an active part of the decision making when it comes to choosing PNMs and at some point, want a say in the matter. The older alums have had to designate newer alums to "behind the scene" duties to keep them off the floor and to make sure they aren't influencing the decisions of the active house.

Give yourself some time to disaffiliate with your chapter. It'll help you with objectivity and make you a stronger advisor when your 3 years roll around. Stay active with your local alum chapter...this way you're still supporting your house, but in a less direct way...

In the end, you'll be glad you did...it'll make you more ready for becoming an advisor...

Good luck!

Originally posted by hannahgirl
I guess my issue is kind of opposite. DG has a rule that you have to be out of your chapter 3 years before returning as an advisor (I'm sure most sororities have a variation of this rule). Well....I've been out for a year now and my chapter is in desperate need of a Recruitment Advisor and no one is willing to do it. (well, no one but me). The Alumnae chapter has recognized this and I even spent fall recruitment with them as a "Co-Advisor" type with the current Advisor who just can't fulfill the position anymore.

Well.....our Chapter Advisor was supposed to talk to whoever she needed to in order to get me in as the new RA and it seems that her one and only effort has failed and she's given up on trying. I'm aware that she spoke with one person but I'm positive that if she spoke to our Regional Recruitment person or even someone at EO, that they would understand the situation the chapter is in and waive the rule. I especially think this because they know me personally from when I myself was in charge of recruitment and being involved with the chapter.

I guess my biggest problem right now is the fact that the chapter looks to me as the Advisor....calling me with questions, asking me to be at the house for the events, etc. I just feel very discouraged because I want to help but I also don't want to just be there helping when I spent the last semester preparing to advise. It just really upsets me that I can be an advisor at any other chapter now, but I'm being held back from my chapter because I haven't been out of school long enough.

Excuse my ranting....just hoping that someone else has been through this situation also.

[Little E]

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
Hannahgirl...As someone who has been out of the chapter for 10+ years, let me tell you that your organization is smart for making this rule. I've seen girls who are recent alums come back the next year to help with Recruitment. It never works out as they are too close to the house (emotionally) and want to become an active part of the decision making when it comes to choosing PNMs and at some point, want a say in the matter. The older alums have had to designate newer alums to "behind the scene" duties to keep them off the floor and to make sure they aren't influencing the decisions of the active house.

Give yourself some time to disaffiliate with your chapter. It'll help you with objectivity and make you a stronger advisor when your 3 years roll around. Stay active with your local alum chapter...this way you're still supporting your house, but in a less direct way...

In the end, you'll be glad you did...it'll make you more ready for becoming an advisor...

Good luck!

I cannot agree with you more. DG has a reason for that rule. My chapter's support team also will not send alumnae back for reviews or allow them to hold an support team position until they are out for three years. Mind you, we will celebrate our chapter's 6th anniversay this April. We really cut into our available alumnae, and it will be tough, but the chapter really needs the ability to grow. It is hard for alumnae to let go emotionally, especially chapter founders.

Both alumnae and acitves need to concentrate on the present, if that is college or grad school or a first job. Alumnae can give so much more to the chapter when they are able to distance themselves and are not into the cliques that exist. I don't care if people say cliques don't exist, they do and it can be a real issue if someone who is there to be impartial and advise is still part of the cliques. We had an advisor who was just way too close to the chapter and when issues came up, some sisters refused to use that person as a resource because of her past behavior. It is not a good situation for either side and is probably better for long term involvement.

AST does let recent alumnae become involved on the National level, and in advisory capacitities. However, avoid it if you can. Do something on a national level until you are farther out, or see if another chapter needs help. Do not hurt the relationship you have with your chapter. It is hard to tell your best friends that you can't be involved in the middle of the dramas anymore. Saying that was one of the hardest things I've ever told a sister. But I've saved myself from becoming too involved, and now I can be friends with them.

Sorry that was so long

[James]

ITs the job of a chapter advisor to discover an approach that allows the chapter to find them relevant, useful and valuable.

Thats probably beyond a lot of people's communication skills.

However, its good way to think about it.

So if the chapter is finding the advisor less than relevant or useful, the advisor may want to rethink his/her approach.

[AXiDTrish]

WesternAlumn, Do not give up! The chapter DOES need you, though they may not realize it. I have found that a chapter acknowledging advisors is "generational" and this may be that generation of exec that doesn't realize your importance.

When I was in college, our CA had our exec retreat on the beach at Panama City. We literally sat in the sand and talked sorority for HOURS. She got great information and we found it fun and she became a person we could relate to. Now that I am a CA, I look for fun, relaxing, and stressfree ways to communicate with exec.

I would find new ways to infiltrate into the chapter...new members are always a great start since they are your next "generation." Also, make it a point to touch base to with officers weekly - report reminders, e-cards, positive notes. If they acknowledge you only when they do something "wrong" then that's where they see your value. You are MUCH more valuable then that, but you have to show them you are.

If you make an impact on a couple people, you have done a good job. My old CA is one of my best friends to this day!!!!

[AGDee]

As a former advisor and current Province Director, I would advise this:

If they are following the rules but not wishing to do things just as you would, then give them some space to try new ideas or methods. As long as they are within policy, we have to give them some room to be individuals (even they ditch "traditions" that we loved as collegians for something new). Chapters do change, members change, exec boards change and they need to do things as a chapter that fit their personalities, needs, and wants.
Even if you think they will not succeed, sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes (as long as they are not risk management type mistakes) and learn how to do it better. Sometimes a new way will work better for them, even if it didn't work for a different group of women in the past, because they are different women.

If they are not following rules and are bucking policy, that's a whole 'nother ball game! Then you need to get the support of your regional/province team and have them reiterate to the chapter that they need to do things differently. I see my main role as being a support system to the advisors while always encouraging the collegians to be the best chapter that they can be.

They obviously do want you and need you if they call you in times of crisis! It may be helpful to have a program on the role of advisors and find out from the collegians what they see your role as, as well as educating them as to what you want your role to be (or what it should be). They might not know how to "use" you to your full capacity either.

Some exec boards will be more difficult to work with than others, but keep in mind, they only stay the same for a year. The continuity of advisors is invaluable to a chapter, even if they don't realize it.

Dee

[LXAAlum]

Yep...welcome to reality...for whatever reason, the role of the chapter advisor really is unappreciated by many chapters until a crisis erupts - then the value is truly seen.

When I advised, we went through at least one "crisis" every year (I would only consider one of the events a TRUE crisis, but, undergrads can overreact sometimes)...and that would help cement our relationship.

I was very honest with them when I first started - I laid out an agenda for the chapter to combat their perceived "weak" areas - not only from IHQ's perspective, but also from their own perspective....voila - many areas actually overlapped!

I also operated with the following quote from our advisor manual in mind in every single meeting I attended: "Allow mistakes to be made." And I certainly did - only those decisions that were patently against policy would I challenge, and I actually had to overrule one decision, but the rest were simple learning experience for the Exec committee that would not lead to catastrophe, but they realized in retrospect, could have been handled in better ways.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by LXAAlum
Yep...welcome to reality...for whatever reason, the role of the chapter advisor really is unappreciated by many chapters until a crisis erupts - then the value is truly seen.

I agree with this...to a point...

Unfortunately, it takes a crisis for the chapter to recognize the value of their advisors. But once the crisis is resolved and the chapter begins to return to a level of normalcy, some of the members will continue to appreciate what the advisory board will do, but the majority returns to it's "pre-crisis" state of operation.

I've seen this firsthand after recruitment this last year. The advisors saved the chapter from a disaster of a recruitment. Most of the chapter doesn't even remember this incident...

[oncelurked]

Out of curiosity, is it known how much of the chapter actually knew what was going on during and after the crisis? It has been my experience (as an active and as an alum) that what exec may know, the general chapter may not. And because turnover is comparatively fast, the chapter may "forget" because it's been 2 or 3 years and the people who were involved the last time aren't there anymore, and the not-so-shiny parts of chapter history have not been handed down.
I do think that the chapter will return to it's pre-crisis state at some point, but it happens for a lot of different reasons - because of a lack of education/knowledge or because they have the wrong attitude toward the situation or even because no follow-up plan was actually implemented. We as advisors/active alums/house corp have longer memories because we are there longer, we can appreciate better what's at risk, we are more cognizant of liability, etc., etc.
It's not easy to be an advisor, and certainly it makes it tougher when the chapter doesn't appreciate you, but often they simply don't know. When they become informed and stay informed, their appreciation of the advisors seems to go up (for the most part).
My chapter didn't appreciate the advisors and several nearly quit until it became apparent that the chapter didn't understand why the advisors were pushing for certain changes. Once everyone knew what was going on, or at least the important parts of what was going on, the chapter appreciated the advisors more, and they made the changes that needed to be made - though sometimes their approach was different than the approach the advisors would have taken, they still got the job done. And because everyone in the chapter knows and the history is (eventually) passed down, the advisors continue to be appreciated.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by oncelurked
Out of curiosity, is it known how much of the chapter actually knew what was going on during and after the crisis?

This is a good point, but honestly, much of the chapter did know the situation. I admit the recently initiated members wouldn't have known (as they were PNMs at the time).

You bring up some very valid points; however, it seems the girls who were directly involved who knew about the crisis are even responsible for returning to the pre-crisis state...granted I'm generalizing...there are some girls who do have a great respect for us that has continued beyond the crisis point...but there are many others who are either unable or do not care to understand what is involved as an advisor...yes...we've talked to them about it as a whole chapter, but for whatever reason, it doesn't stick with most of them...which is too bad as this is the future of alumnahood.