Forced to choose between being black or ________.

[Honeykiss1974]

This post in CC got me to thinking of this question.

Y'know, that "BGLO members only " mentality reminds me of W.E.B. DuBois:

It is a peculiar sensation, double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness, an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled striving; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.

That's what it's kind of like for me as a Black member of an NPC sorority around these parts, except most of the scrutiny doesn't come from NPC folk.

Do you ever feel like you have to "choose sides" or an allegiance, if you will, between being black or something else? For example, between being black or an American - being black or following Christ - being black or being a member of an NPC/IFC - etc.

I know in my own experiences, there are some people that can't understand why I choose to take up the cause of Christ as opposed to giving in for what is best for blacks (ie supporting a candidate that believes in ideas/policies that go against my convictions as a believer), so I am interesed in seeing if anyone else has/is experiencing this?

[Steeltrap]

No, I don't feel that I have to choose sides. I'm black, a woman, a NPHC sorority member, a registered political independent, a daughter, sister, aunt, godmom, etc.

Then again, it's easy for me because, perhaps, I'm not going out on a limb.

[laidbackfella]

I don't think I have to choose sides.

If ever presented with any conflict I'll do what is right for me.

Beyond affiliation and skin color I am human.

I don't have to justify my actions, for the most part, to others.

I only have to honor my covenant with God.

[kiml122]

Nope, I have never felt that I had to choose sides, and side at all.

[laidbackfella]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974

Do you ever feel like you have to "choose sides" or an allegiance, if you will, between being black or something else? For example, between being black or an American - being black or following Christ - being black or being a member of an NPC/IFC - etc.

Share more about your experiences.

[ms_gwyn]

I also never felt that I had to choose between my being black and the activities that I also chose to participate in.

Everything that has lead me to this point in my life have been based on who I am and not the color of my skin, which is a part of me, but not the whole that makes me....me.

[Shelacious]

Yes, I do feel a certain way as WEB DuBois, although to a much lesser extent. As a fiscal moderate and socially moderate liberal, I sometimes feel that I support fiscal decisions that may hurt people of color in the short run, although I'm thinking about long-term benefits. I am very pro-law enforcement, which I feel sometimes puts me at odds with the civil liberties of people of color. I am a proud American with a strong military background. I am also a black person whose ancestors, parents, grandparents, and friends were minimized and marginalized in America.

I feel it when I walk into a networking event and I automatically identify the other people of color first. I am ever cognizant that I am black, even though I have friends from many lands and of many faiths, and I live in the great American salad bowl that is the San Francisco Bay Area.

So yes, being black doesn't affect me in choosing my friends and mates, my career choices nor dictate my social activities, but the fact that I am black is always close to the surface, ever present in my mind.

[Sistermadly]

I'll reply since I posted the quote:

In my daily life I don't feel like I have to choose sides. On GC, I don't feel as if I have to choose sides per se, but I do sometimes feel caught between two communities. And as I implied, it bothers me that the skepticism seems to come from my own people.

Everything that I am - my skin color, my gender, my country of national origin -- are integral parts of my identity. To ask me to choose one over the other is akin to asking me to choose between my left eye or my right.

[Jill1228]

My sentiments exactly. It hurts even more when so called friends and family are tripping, but that is a whole 'nother issue. Being "forced" to choose is a crock and I am not having it.

I am a diverse person and I love it!

But I could do without the bronchitis and the nasty meds I am on right now

Originally posted by Sistermadly
it bothers me that the skepticism seems to come from my own people

[AKA_Monet]

Okey, Sistermadly and Jill1228:

Not to put you all on the spot or make you feel uncomfortable--and you can refuse to answer this question:

How come you all feel more skepticism, distrust from your own than from others?

What is it in your thought processes that makes you feel that we, "negroes" fail to support your choices?

Now some may balk or belittle your choice because they are skrait ig'nunt... But you know that's because they fear what they do not understand...

So I really are trying to research this logically out... I get the inkling that you all feel that you are "cast" aside or "invalidated" and although you don't really care, it still does hurt when it happens from "your own"...

My question really is to you, what is "THAT" that makes it hurt?

Just asking?

[ms_gwyn]

AKA_Monet

I will answer your questions (I hope you don't mind, I not saying that I've have the same experiences as sistermadly or Jill, but perhaps have a little bit of insight)


Just a little background, I grew up in the ‘burbs, most of my friends were either Latin/Hispanic or Asian while in school...and of course my family and my extended family.

I feel very comfortable living in "both" worlds (and I hesitate to use that word, cause that really isn't it), I have clusters of friends from all ethnic backgrounds and I jump from one to the other, not that I'm keeping them separate, that is just the way it is. I don't act any different with any my sets of friends and if they happen to come together for some event, they see the same person.

But then there is the fact that I (will be) a member of a non-NPHC glo, it is just were I landed in life, as a young girl I just knew that I wanted to be a Delta, but when I went to college there was no Delta chapter present at my school (I didn't know about city chapters, this was back in 1991), so I went through rush for NPC found my home (a different story) and now I will become a member of a NPC through Alumna Initiation...it is the arena that I feel most comfortable in...and that really is the whole point of choosing an glo, the place where you feel most comfortable in and they accept you for who you are.

My real life friends and family do not have a problem with me doing this.......but when I come to a place like GC, lines are drawn and sometimes I feel like I have to straddle that line. But since I really don't live my life in GC world that should not be important. But also in my life (younger days) my "blackness" was questioned and was told that I wanted to be white, which of course makes me angry because is there a certain formula that makes a person black? Isn't it enough that black b/c of my ancestry? is there a handbook that I forgot to pick up?

I have never lead a "double" life and I will certainly not start to do that now....perhaps that is how sistermadly and jill feel.

[Sistermadly]

I'll bite, cause I'm so glad somebody asked:

For my part, I feel the way I do based on some comments made in NPHC forums that question the "blackness" of anyone who didn't choose, for whatever reason, to pursue membership in an NPHC organization.

Now, there have been more than a few people who have said to me "you chose what was best for you, and that's cool with me", but there have been others who, while they might not have addressed me directly, have made the kind of divisive, non-productive, and, like you said, "skrait ig'nunt" comments that Jill and I refer to. When I take my Alpha Phi letters off, I'm still a black woman.

Regardless of the stupidity or ignorance of posts that question the blackness of minority folks in "majority" organizations (for lack of a better term), rejection still hurts. It hurts to know that somehow I have to prove myself more to my own people just because I say "18-72" instead of "19-08" (for example).

I hope this makes sense... I'm willing to elaborate further if it doesn't.

[Honeykiss1974]

For me, it started when I became seriously focused on Christ and supporting His agenda - especially when it came to political discussions/debates. I have ran across blacks that seem to think that I should ALWAYS support other blacks, regardless as to what it is.....and if I don't, then I'm someone choosing something else over being black.

And don't let me not mention the fact that my finace is white....... LOL


Anyway, like I said, this is just something I've noticed within the last year.

[Jill1228]

AKA_Monet,
Very valid question.

It was mainly the "skrait ig'nunt" remarks I have dealt with. ("skrait ig'nunt"...I like that!)

If I had a dollar for how many times my "so called" blackness has been questioned. I would retire. And it sucked when it came from family members, the folx who were supposed to have your back.
Sad thing is, most of the family members who sweated me wound up making some dumb choices in life (ie 20, unmarried and 3 kids, etc).
We need to kill the crabs in a bucket mentality. We as a people have MUCH more pressing issues to deal with.

It is a trip when folks think I have to prove myself and my blackness. I am Jill, I am a strong PROUD black woman and the only person I have to prove things to is myself.

Like gywn, I must have had some sections of my black manual torn out before it was given to me That's okay, I am managing just fine, thank you! When I have my letters on, I am a sistah. When my letters are off, I am a sistah

I have basically had good support from my fellow brothas and sistahs on GC, no complaints. I found my home and it happened to be NPC. It's all good. I still got nothing but love for the D-9. If anyone has a problem with my choices, then it is THEIR problem, not mine.

I hope I covered everything

[RACooper]

I can’t speak to it personally but I can understand what Sistermadly and Jill1228 were speaking of…

One of my good friends in the chapter received a lot of grief from his close circle of friends and peers back home because he joined Lambda Chi Alpha when a HBGLO was on campus (Alpha Phi Alpha). There was an expectation that if he went Greek his only choice should have been a HBGLO… because he didn’t make the expected (or in the case of some of his peers – mandated) choice he was marginalized by the guys he grew up with.

While he has always stated that he made the right choice for him – he still feels the pain of being “marginalized” or seen as somehow diminished in the eyes of his childhood peers and friends – because he didn’t follow through with the expectations for him to “be or act black” (his term not mine).

I spent many a night just chilling and talking things through with him… trying to make him realize that he shouldn’t have to prove himself or justify his decision to the boys back home – but instead be proud of who he is and what he is accomplishing.