should i have told my friend that people think she's cheating?

OUlioness01 · #1 01-17-2005, 12:15 AM

I have a good friend and sorority sister who got married over the summer to anothe good friend of mine. Lately i've been hearing rumors that she's cheating on her husband with one of his fraternity brothers. the evidence seems stacked against her, becuase everyone knew he had a crush on her before she got married and she's been spending a lot of time at his place, to the point of spending the night. she didn't deny the rumors, and just sounded quiet. i didn't think they were true, but i can't help but think maybe they are now.Should i have told her what people are saying?

Dionysus · #2 01-17-2005, 12:19 AM

Uhhh....yeah.

Munchkin03 · #3 01-17-2005, 12:20 AM

Jaysis.

It sounds like she got married too young, or she wasn't mature enough to commit to one person.

I think telling her was a good thing--if there's really nothing going on, maybe she'll realize that her perceived behavior is making her marriage look like a sham.

James · #4 01-17-2005, 12:00 PM

Tell me something everyone.

Does whatever age you are justify being a piece of shit and a contemptible person? Like a get out of jail card? "At (insert whatever yur age is here) I am too young to act like a functional human being."

Yeah tell her.

ITs not only important to be virtous at times. Its important to be seen to be virtous.

ITs just as bad to have your SO think you are cheating on him as it actually happening. At least in terms of the quuality of your relationship.

WCUgirl · #5 01-17-2005, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
ITs just as bad to have your SO think you are cheating on him as it actually happening. At least in terms of the quuality of your relationship.

So true.

Yes, you should tell her. Just mention that you're worried about her, and want to know what's going on. And do mention what James said, that even if she isn't cheating, that if her husband thinks she is, it's going to damage their relationship, which of course could create worse problems later.

Perhaps she's just been unable to adjust to married life. Perhaps this time she's spending w/ another man is exciting and makes her feel desired. Perhaps nothing has or will happen. But whatever the reason, she needs to be aware of the consequences of her actions.

astroAPhi · #6 01-17-2005, 03:02 PM

Yes, you should definitely tell her what people are saying.

#7 01-17-2005, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Tell me something everyone.

Does whatever age you are justify being a piece of shit and a contemptible person? Like a get out of jail card? "At (insert whatever yur age is here) I am too young to act like a functional human being."

Yeah tell her.

ITs not only important to be virtous at times. Its important to be seen to be virtous.

ITs just as bad to have your SO think you are cheating on him as it actually happening. At least in terms of the quuality of your relationship.

Agreed, I told my father that my step mother thought he was cheating on her while she was dying of brain cancer and of course it had consequences that ended our relationship, but he was a piece of sh** and needed to be told how she felt. No matter the age or circumstances, tell her.

James · #8 01-17-2005, 10:49 PM

She's nothing but a two bit whore . . don't let her rationalize it.

And if she isn't actually cheating . . then she is just an idiot that deserves unhappiness.

starang21 · #9 01-18-2005, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
She's nothing but a two bit whore . . don't let her rationalize it.

And if she isn't actually cheating . . then she is just an idiot that deserves unhappiness.

wow, me and james agree.

that hoe is a skeezer.

AKA_Monet · #10 01-18-2005, 07:54 PM

Stay outta grown folks bi'nuss... That chit has a way of cuming back on yah--like what comes around, goes around... Eventually, she will get hers in the end...

OUlioness01 · #11 01-23-2005, 04:18 PM

i had a long talk with my friend last night. she's not cheating, but she is finding the first year of marriage to be really hard and she's been confiding in her friend, not her husband. She's been spending a lot more time iwth her husband lately though. I was really really relieved to hear that.

James · #12 01-23-2005, 05:30 PM

She might be deceiving you also. I know you are probably great friends but there are some things people just don't share easily . . and rightfully so.

Plus there are levels of self deception. What if she was hooking up/sleeping with him but decided to stop.

I know a lot of people that would then answer with perfect sincerity that they are not cheating . . . now or it somehow didn't count because of some arcane party rule like it was only once . . . .

She is definitely having an emotional affair with the guy, I am not sure how comforting that would be for the husband to find out.

Isn't an emotional affair just as bad as a physical affair in some ways?

I mean she's not hanging out with you her good friend or others of her good female friends and multiple sisters. She is choosing to spending the night at a guy's house.

I guess she needs a boy's kind of comforting, not a girls . . ..

Quote:

Originally posted by OUlioness01
i had a long talk with my friend last night. she's not cheating, but she is finding the first year of marriage to be really hard and she's been confiding in her friend, not her husband. She's been spending a lot more time iwth her husband lately though. I was really really relieved to hear that.

AchtungBaby80 · #13 01-23-2005, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Isn't an emotional affair just as bad as a physical affair in some ways?

That's what I was going to say. Emotional infidelity can be just as damaging, if not more so, than physical infidelity...it's like she's choosing this other guy over her own husband to help her through whatever problems she might have when she really needs to be talking to her husband. I'm glad you told her what people are saying, and let's all hope she wises up and quits doing things that look suspicious (even if it's all actually innocent).

James · #14 01-23-2005, 05:38 PM

If it was innocent no one would have noticed. ITs like a work crush where everyone knows, but the two people don't admit it to anyone, maybe not even to themselves.

People can generally see the vibe between others.

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
That's what I was going to say. Emotional infidelity can be just as damaging, if not more so, than physical infidelity...it's like she's choosing this other guy over her own husband to help her through whatever problems she might have when she really needs to be talking to her husband. I'm glad you told her what people are saying, and let's all hope she wises up and quits doing things that look suspicious (even if it's all actually innocent).

cash78mere · #15 01-23-2005, 06:26 PM

not only does it sound like she's deceiving you, but she's probably deceiving herself.

it is NEVER okay to sleep over another man's house alone while you are married. especially if your husband doesn't know. something's not right, he's going to be devastated when he finds out