Could you kiss someone that you do not love?

Buff · #1 12-30-2004, 03:28 PM

This question has been really weighing heavy on my mind this week because it directly relates to the guy I really want to date.

I'm not talking about kissing a random guy/girl that you have no previous or future connection to. If its mutually understood that there is no connection beyond that moment, and you're both comfortable with that arrangement, go for it. I know most people have had situations like this, myself included. That didn't bother me, I knew there were no feelings attached from either of us.

Now the real situation that's bothering me: I've had feelings for a very good friend of mine for a long time (like 3 years). I've recently brought this to his attention--very directly, no hinting. When I kissed him, he kissed me back. This has been going on for a week, but we haven't discussed dating yet (although that's where I want this to go); I'm not sure what direction he sees this going. I try to be the optimist, but I've had some really hurtful past relationship experiences. I'm worried that he may not be sincere when he kisses me, although I don't think he could ever knowingly hurt me.

So my original question: Could you kiss someone that you do not love? (knowing they have feelings for you)

I know I have refused kissing/advances from guys in the past because I knew they had feelings for me and that those feelings were not reciprocated. I would rather be very upfront with them, instead of leading them on and hurting them later.

valkyrie · #2 12-30-2004, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Buff
So my original question: Could you kiss someone that you do not love? (knowing they have feelings for you)

Yes, of course. I probably wouldn't even be anywhere near falling in love with someone until we've been dating for a while, and for me, dating includes kissing -- among other things, LOL.

omegamcgee · #3 12-30-2004, 04:57 PM

I am in a similar situation. I've had a really good guy friend for about 3 years also, and the other night I stayed at his apartment, and we hooked up. We agreed that it was going to be a one time thing, but all night he kept asking my why girls only liked him as a friend and how could he be more obvious that he liked a girl. I don't know if he was talking about me or what. Anyway, we agreed that things weren't going to be awkward at all, because I had said earlier that the only reason I didn't want to date him was because we were really good friends. But I really like him, and now I don't know what to do. I'm not so good at that whole talking thing, so I didn't tell him I liked him. So, I feel your pain.

I don't think that if I knew someone had feelings for me, and I didn't have feelings for them, that I would let it happen. Good luck!

Buff · #4 12-30-2004, 05:08 PM

Thanks for the encouragement.

I know what you mean about the hard to talk to him about it thing. I really encourage you to express your feelings to him and be honest. I know how that is, I waited a long time to do it as well, but its been like a year's worth of thinking lifted off my mind all in one week. You have no idea what a relief that is. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you won't have to worry the rest of your life about why you didn't tell him you had feelings.

James · #5 12-30-2004, 10:46 PM

I think you are insane . . . I don't intend that in a mean way, but it takes an awful lot of double-thinking to ask that question the way you did.

I mean the first thing I am thinking is . . . just go with it and enjoy yourself. Whya re you being so analytical? The second thing is, just talk to him . . or better yet completely seduce him.

But to answer your direct question. Yeah, I will kiss a girl back I am not in-love with if she kisses me (assuming she is attractive). Thats just wierd bad 80's movie stuff not to indulge.

Quote:

Originally posted by Buff
Thanks for the encouragement.

I know what you mean about the hard to talk to him about it thing. I really encourage you to express your feelings to him and be honest. I know how that is, I waited a long time to do it as well, but its been like a year's worth of thinking lifted off my mind all in one week. You have no idea what a relief that is. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you won't have to worry the rest of your life about why you didn't tell him you had feelings.

James · #6 12-30-2004, 10:50 PM

You deserve to be unhappy unless you just either:

A. Talk to him
B. Jump his bones.

Quote:

Originally posted by omegamcgee
I am in a similar situation. I've had a really good guy friend for about 3 years also, and the other night I stayed at his apartment, and we hooked up. We agreed that it was going to be a one time thing, but all night he kept asking my why girls only liked him as a friend and how could he be more obvious that he liked a girl. I don't know if he was talking about me or what. Anyway, we agreed that things weren't going to be awkward at all, because I had said earlier that the only reason I didn't want to date him was because we were really good friends. But I really like him, and now I don't know what to do. I'm not so good at that whole talking thing, so I didn't tell him I liked him. So, I feel your pain.

I don't think that if I knew someone had feelings for me, and I didn't have feelings for them, that I would let it happen. Good luck!

BobbyTheDon · #7 12-30-2004, 11:17 PM

psh. not only do i kiss her when i don't love her. i sleep with her!

next question!

#8 12-31-2004, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
psh. not only do i kiss her when i don't love her. i sleep with her!

next question!

What he said. Except change the her to him for me.

PureGoldF2K1 · #9 12-31-2004, 01:15 AM

Yeah, agreeing with the two posts above me. Ive done that to a guy who repetedly told me he loved me, the whole time I was hung up on another guy. When he would try to have "talks," I would be reallllly vague but give him hope at the same time so he wouldnt stop hanging out with me. Be very wary of anyone who says they like you, but wont commit in any way, shape, or form.

It was mainly a boredom thing because he was the only person I had to go out with in my new town.

hottytoddy · #10 01-01-2005, 06:36 PM

To me, the main reason you kiss someone (for the first time) is to see if there is anything there. Some people just don't have chemistry. And sometimes I have to kiss them to realize it.

trojangal · #11 01-02-2005, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by hottytoddy
To me, the main reason you kiss someone (for the first time) is to see if there is anything there. Some people just don't have chemistry.

COSIGN!

Of course, I'm one to talk b/c sometimes the chemistry problem can be a handle I remember a time when I was involved in a relationship and I had gone over to a good friend's house. We were talking about classes, etc. and he leaned over and laid one on me. It was very electrifying, and I knew that meant trouble!!! So..after the awkward and interesting moment, I got up and told the friend that I needed to head on out.

A little too much chemistry was there!

PM_Mama00 · #12 01-02-2005, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PureGoldF2K1
Yeah, agreeing with the two posts above me. Ive done that to a guy who repetedly told me he loved me, the whole time I was hung up on another guy. When he would try to have "talks," I would be reallllly vague but give him hope at the same time so he wouldnt stop hanging out with me. Be very wary of anyone who says they like you, but wont commit in any way, shape, or form.

It was mainly a boredom thing because he was the only person I had to go out with in my new town.

Wowwww crave attention from the opposite sex much? That's so incredibly mean to do to a person.

James · #13 01-02-2005, 02:20 PM

Why is it mean? As long as she is physically intimate with him and nice to him .. . its all good for him isn't it?

Quote:

Originally posted by PM_Mama00
Wowwww crave attention from the opposite sex much? That's so incredibly mean to do to a person.

PM_Mama00 · #14 01-02-2005, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Why is it mean? As long as she is physically intimate with him and nice to him .. . its all good for him isn't it?

No cuz she's leading him on. If she were to tell him "Hey I don't dig you but let's still screw around" and he went for it, then yeah it's good for him. Not nice to play with people's feelings.

hottytoddy · #15 01-02-2005, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PM_Mama00
No cuz she's leading him on. If she were to tell him "Hey I don't dig you but let's still screw around" and he went for it, then yeah it's good for him. Not nice to play with people's feelings.

Well, men do it to women all the time. That may not make it right, but perhaps if they knew how it felt...they'd be a little more careful when delaing with someone else's feelings.

With that being said...I don't know this guy and I don't know if he's ever done this to a girl....I am just making an extremely general statement.