Dear Abby today

hoosier · #1 11-29-2004, 05:59 PM

Mon, Nov. 29, 2004

Dear Abby | Her daughter was attacked

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter went to a party at a frat house where she was given a great deal to drink. Feeling "woozy," she went outside. One of the "boys" she had been talking to went with her and suggested she go back to his room to lie down. She had known this fellow before that night and trusted him. She was drunk, and he had sex with her. It was her first time. She claims she tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't, and she couldn't make him.

Shouldn't the young man be punished in some way? I feel something should be done. Would this constitute date rape?

from Confused in Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: You're darn right it was date rape. And the "something" you should do is call the nearest rape crisis center and get help for your daughter. You should also inform the police.

GeorgiaGirl · #2 11-29-2004, 06:11 PM

What was her 16-year-old daughter doing partying at a frat house? I mean, that sucks that that happened to her if what she told her mom is true, but she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

33girl · #3 11-29-2004, 06:27 PM

that's a vvvvvvvvvvvvvery interesting story.

Tom Earp · #4 11-29-2004, 06:39 PM

33 and georgiagirls, absolutly, just what the hell was She doing there and even out on the streets with her mother not knowing where she was.

Wonder if she had all of the toilet paper in her bra giving her bigger boobies like Dean Wormers daughter did?

Help, I have been raped when she spread her legs and got layed (?) and scared!

James · #5 11-29-2004, 06:48 PM

What kind of person writes to Dear abby to ask if her daughter was raped lol?

Its probably not a true story but if it were . . . it would be understandable why her daughter was out and about like that. . .. look at the mom.

#6 11-29-2004, 08:09 PM

Dear Confused:

You are an idiot.

Sincerely, Abby

// Not to say that I have no sympathy for the 16 year old who got raped, but to echo sentiments already said, this girl should not have gotten herself in this situation in the first place.

texas*princess · #7 11-29-2004, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
What kind of person writes to Dear abby to ask if her daughter was raped lol?

No kidding.... not only that..but why in the heck would a mother let her 16-year-old daughter go to a frat party anyway!?!?!

If this girl really did get raped, that is definitely not a good thing. At the same time, I hate that the tone of this letter makes her daughter look all innocent - I mean, she was "given" a great deal to drink... people have this thing called a brain which gives us the ability to think for ourselves....she could have refused the drinks and thus prevented her from getting in that terrible situation. I'm not saying what happened was her fault, but it could have been prevented.

OtterXO · #8 11-29-2004, 09:12 PM

Not that I don't agree with you that the mother is an idiot

but if this situation is a true story it's a slippery slope to say the girl got herself in the situation. It must be said that bad choices don't equal a license to have sex with someone who says no. Stepping down from the soapbox now...

texas*princess · #9 11-29-2004, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OtterXO
Not that I don't agree with you that the mother is an idiot but if this situation is a true story it's a slippery slope to say the girl got herself in the situation. It must be said that bad choices don't equal a license to have sex with someone who says no. Stepping down from the soapbox now...

yea i totally agree... if the story is in fact true, i'm not saying it's the girls fault or anything... that is about as smart as saying "she was asking for it".. which is really a terrible thing to say, and that is not at all the point I was trying to make.

i'm just trying to make a point that the situation itself could have been prevented - maybe I just grew up very sheltered, but what on earth is a 16-yr old doing at a frat party in the first place? and how does a 16 yr old already know and "trust" a college age guy enough to go to his room? when i was in high school, sure i went parties, but they were all with my high-school buddies and i knew better than to take drinks given to me by random people i didn't know very well - there's no telling what could have been in there, ya know? Maybe it's because the colleges around my hometown didn't have open parties... i don't know.. but IMHO 16 is really young to be partying out at fraternity houses. I am not condoning what happened at all because it's NOT ok, and it's very true that it could have happened to any girl there whether she was 16, 19 or 34. I just thought it was a little odd for the parent in the letter to make it sound like it was ok for her daughter to be there even though she was very young and was willingly drinking the drinks given to her.

Once again, not saying it was her fault or it was all because of her bad choices, because raping someone is NOT ok in any circumstance.

OtterXO · #10 11-29-2004, 10:30 PM

i totally agree...i figured no one actually meant "she totally deserved to be raped"! but you never know, some people do actually think (i went to college with some of these people) that if a girl goes to a party and drinks, if she gets taken advantage of then it is her own fault. a girl in one of my classes in college who was the victim of a date rape type situation made a very good point though. she said that in her situation looking back on it she knows that her choices influenced what happened and she had to take responsibility for those choices in order to deal with her situation. it's an interesting perspective that i had never thought of before

DeltaBetaBaby · #11 11-29-2004, 10:34 PM

I very recently wrote a poem about this (I am on a slam poetry kick)...No means no means no, but how many times that night did the girl say yes?

SigPhiSunshine · #12 11-30-2004, 12:20 AM

WHAT THE FUCK IS A 16 YEAR OLD'S MOTHER DOING LETTING HER DAUGHTER OUT AT A FRATERNITY PARTY! good lord! "given" drinks? Im sure they were forced down her damn throat. this woman needs to open her damn eyes!

TigerLilly · #13 11-30-2004, 12:38 AM

For those of you who are asking how a 16-year-old could have been at a fraternity party, and how she could have known one of the brothers, and how her mother didn't know about it: Can't you easily imagine a situation like this?

Just think: girl grows up in a college town. A friend from high school, a few years older than her, graduates, stays in town to go to college, and joins said fraternity. That's how the girl knows someone in the fraternity. She tells her mom that she's going to go spend the night over at her friend Suzy's house, but instead they go to the fraternity party, which they know about through the friend in the fraternity. It all goes from there.

Maybe it's just because I know a lot of people at my uni who also grew up in this town, but it sounds like a common enough situation to me. Doesn't make it right, just means that it does happen.

GeekyPenguin · #14 11-30-2004, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tom Earp
33 and georgiagirls, absolutly, just what the hell was She doing there and even out on the streets with her mother not knowing where she was.

Wonder if she had all of the toilet paper in her bra giving her bigger boobies like Dean Wormers daughter did?

Help, I have been raped when she spread her legs and got layed (?) and scared!

It does not matter how she was dressed. It does not matter if she went to his room consentually and starting kissing him.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS NO, IT MEANS NO.

I can't believe you'd post something like this, Tom. Way to perpetuate a double standard.

What was a 16 year old doing at a frat party? "Mom, I'm just going to visit my older brother/sister and we'll stay in their room all night." I went to college parties when I was in high school. Just because her mom didn't know she was there doesn't mean it's okay for her to get raped.

AXOhottie · #15 11-30-2004, 02:08 AM

I go to school in a town where there isn't much to do. All of the local high school kids like to try to get into college or fraternity parties. "It's like totally like cool like. Now Mary Sue, tell you're mom you're gonna be at my house, I'll tell my mom I'm gonna be at Ellie May's. Ellie May will tell her mom she's gonna be at Katie Beth's." You get the picture. If it's an unofficial fraternity party, it's not too hard for a high school student to slip in "unnoticed". The girl may be thinking how cool, a fraternity guy is hitting on me. The girl agrees to go up to his room. The guy may lean in for a kiss, wanting more, while the girl thinks oh goodie a kiss from a college guy. One thing leads to another.... bada bing, bada bang, bada boom..... girl gets raped. I don't think it's unfathomable. However, this does not explain the stupidity of the mother....