The purpose of Marriage?

phikappapsiman · #1 10-11-2004, 10:50 PM

I am really curious to find out people's opinion about why marriage is important. Now, I am for a good wedding as much as anyone, and I feel fortunate to have parents who have been together almost 50 years, but it is somewhat troubling to me when I read how many people think that marriage should be regulated by the states. If marriage is a holy union, then why is it not taken as such by most, with the divorce rate as high as it is (I might be wrong about this, but doesn't 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce?). If marriage is for procreation, then let's make a law that states it as such, and that if you don't procreate in a certain amount of years, then the marriage is invalid. Of course, that would never be the case, but boy if I hear one more time that "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve", I don't know what I'll do!!! I honestly don't know-I am lucky enough to not want marriage right now, and I am very fortunate to have as one of my best friends and fraternity brother a man who has been with his partner over 15 years. But they cannot marry. On the flip side, I also have a couple of friends who have each been divorced twice and they are not even 35 yet! So really, let me know why you feel that marriage should only be reserved for some-please feel free to quote the Bible and whatever else is important to you.

valkyrie · #2 10-12-2004, 11:28 AM

I think this is a good question, although I don't really have an answer. The more I think about it, the more I think that there really is no purpose of marriage other than what each individual gives it.

Most people (and feel free to disagree) get married for one of three reasons -- (1) based on religion, they feel it's the right thing to do; (2) they want to have children and feel that marriage is the appropriate environment for that; or (3) it's just what you do.

Once you strip away all the traditional/religious aspects surrounding marriage, I think that it's really just something that makes people feel better about themselves. What it really does is attempt to keep people together, which isn't always a good thing -- if I'm with a guy for years and we're in love, that's great, and we don't need marriage at all because we're happy and we're together because we want to be. If we decide that we're no longer happy, marriage keeps us from splitting up without what could be a long, difficult legal battle. I don't think that's a good thing -- if Mr. valkyrie woke up tomorrow and decided he didn't want to be with me any more, he should be free to leave without the goverment having to be involved.

AChiOAlumna · #3 10-12-2004, 11:38 AM

Wow...this one is making me think...

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years.

We are in an interfaith marriage...so religion wasn't a basis for marriage....
We don't plan on having children...this this wasn't a basis for marriage...

I think for us marriage was a public commitment of our love and devotion for one another. We both knew we wanted to be married and we both wanted to be committed to each other. Marriage was the perfect way to do it...

Sounds strange I guess?! But it is true that marriage is what you make of it.

valkyrie · #4 10-12-2004, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
I think for us marriage was a public commitment of our love and devotion for one another. We both knew we wanted to be married and we both wanted to be committed to each other. Marriage was the perfect way to do it...

Sounds strange I guess?! But it is true that marriage is what you make of it.

Personally, I think that's the best reason to get married. It sounds like you really THOUGHT about it, which is great.

KSig RC · #5 10-12-2004, 04:15 PM

I'm pretty sure that if you examine the development of cultural and societal norms over time, and break down the true sociological bases for an institution such as marriage (which has multi and varied purposes across many nations, eras, and societies), you'll find that there is really only one true linking factor, one singular thing that really cements the institution as both necessary and desired for those involved, and this is the far easier justification for anal.

rainbowbrightCS · #6 10-12-2004, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna

I think for us marriage was a public commitment of our love and devotion for one another. We both knew we wanted to be married and we both wanted to be committed to each other. Marriage was the perfect way to do it

I think that this is beautiful, wonderfull job.

James · #7 10-12-2004, 09:04 PM

It kind of begs the question though . . . People could get married in a public ceremony without the state getting invovled.

Hell then you could take out an add in a national paper which is about as public as it gets and informs more people.

In which case you would still be able to leave without penalty should either of you decide to do so . . ..

The legal state marriage makes leaving problematical.

AGDee · #8 10-12-2004, 11:33 PM

Other than societal rules about who can make medical decisions for you, who can visit you if you're in ICU, etc, I see no reason for marriage. There are financial benefits if one spouse dies, because you can get Social Security and other issues like that, but other than those things that society has imposed on us, there truly is no reason (other than religious beliefs).

Dee

sageofages · #9 10-13-2004, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
It kind of begs the question though . . . People could get married in a public ceremony without the state getting invovled.

Hell then you could take out an add in a national paper which is about as public as it gets and informs more people.

In which case you would still be able to leave without penalty should either of you decide to do so . . ..

The legal state marriage makes leaving problematical.

and

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
Other than societal rules about who can make medical decisions for you, who can visit you if you're in ICU, etc, I see no reason for marriage. There are financial benefits if one spouse dies, because you can get Social Security and other issues like that, but other than those things that society has imposed on us, there truly is no reason (other than religious beliefs).

Dee

My father-in-law and pseudo-mother-in-law had a public 'wedding' ceremony without making it legal (hence the pseudo-mother-in-law moniker...I don't like her either). This was because of financial considerations...he is retired military, she is widow of retired military. She loses first husband's pension if she remarries, and then if something happened to father-in-law, she would lose all her income.

BUT...father-in-law has a bigger estate and HER children are circling like sharks...lack of legal status can be a problem in California because of common-law marriage statutes. (Mr Sageofages and his sister have consulted a lawyer).

Fortunately without documents, a good lawyer can keep everything separate and away from her greed spawnling.

A good reason for not getting married when you are over 75!!!

thetalady · #10 10-13-2004, 02:00 AM

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
I think for us marriage was a public commitment of our love and devotion for one another. We both knew we wanted to be married and we both wanted to be committed to each other. Marriage was the perfect way to do it...

Sounds strange I guess?! But it is true that marriage is what you make of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Personally, I think that's the best reason to get married. It sounds like you really THOUGHT about it, which is great.

How sad that AChiOAlumnae's beautiful and not-so-uncommon reason for marrying was not even considered a possibility in your original list of reasons for marrying.

The statement that marriage is "really just something that makes people feel better about themselves" is incredibly offensive. I am surprised that so many here are against marriage.

I have read that "Marriage provides the slender, silver threads that help hold a couple together during trying times". It is a physical demonstration of your promise that your spouse can count on you for love, emotional support, and someone to depend on.

And FYI, the marriage rate for FIRST marriages is far lower than 50%. It is the "serial marriers" who tie the knot (loosely!) 3-4-5 times that brings the % up so high.

AGDee · #11 10-13-2004, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by thetalady

I have read that "Marriage provides the slender, silver threads that help hold a couple together during trying times". It is a physical demonstration of your promise that your spouse can count on you for love, emotional support, and someone to depend on.

That may be true for the rare good marriages. I admit, I have been divorced twice and therefore have a tainted view. However, I carefully observe my married friends, co-workers, etc and VERY few of them have what I consider to be a "good" marriage. For some of them, they are happy with situations that would make me miserable. Some of them are just totally unhappy but staying in it anyway.

I received NO benefit from being married to either of my husbands. I found it be suffocating and emotionally draining.

Oh wait, there was a benefit, I didn't have to mow the lawn. That's the only one. I can hire someone to do that though.

I won't marry again. I think two tries is enough for anybody. As I told a minister friend of mine "A person can only say 'Til death do we part' so many times and still hold any credibiliy". She said that if I wanted to marry again, she would change the words to "Til we part" for me. I just laughed and said "Thanks, but no thanks!".

My vision of the ideal relationship is having his and hers houses, side by side, with no combining of finances or living space.

Dee

KSig RC · #12 10-13-2004, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by thetalady
I have read that "Marriage provides the slender, silver threads that help hold a couple together during trying times". It is a physical demonstration of your promise that your spouse can count on you for love, emotional support, and someone to depend on.

No, it's not physical - and even if it were, why do we need these "slender, silver threads" to fall back on for support, love, and someone to depend on? Shouldn't that be the case in any committed relationship?

I'm sure at some point I'll be into getting married and coaching tee ball and all that fantastic stuff, but without the 'kids' part and the 'religion' part, marriage is simply applying a name and a set of consequences to intangibles in the relationship. If that's comforting for you, GIDDAWNDOWN with your bad self, but don't throw the nose up at people who couldn't care less about titular reinforcement of an otherwise good relationship.

kappaloo · #13 10-13-2004, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
Other than societal rules about who can make medical decisions for you, who can visit you if you're in ICU, etc, I see no reason for marriage. There are financial benefits if one spouse dies, because you can get Social Security and other issues like that, but other than those things that society has imposed on us, there truly is no reason (other than religious beliefs).

Dee

Aren't there "spouse in house" rules for this though?

KSigkid · #14 10-13-2004, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by thetalady

The statement that marriage is "really just something that makes people feel better about themselves" is incredibly offensive. I am surprised that so many here are against marriage.

I have read that "Marriage provides the slender, silver threads that help hold a couple together during trying times". It is a physical demonstration of your promise that your spouse can count on you for love, emotional support, and someone to depend on.

I don't know if it's offensive...marriage is one of those things that everyone has their own ideas on.

I am getting married next year - this isn't really a secret to anyone on here, as I've mentioned it several times in other threads. Now, I'd like to think that I'd proven myself as someone to love, give emotional support, and someone to depend on before I gave my fiancee the ring and proposed. For me it is a way to publicly and religously unite ourselves, a display for our family, friends and God.

But that's just me, and that's just the thing - I don't think anyone should be offended if someone else is "for" or "against" marriage.

Munchkin03 · #15 10-13-2004, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSig RC
I'm sure at some point I'll be into getting married and coaching tee ball and all that fantastic stuff, but without the 'kids' part and the 'religion' part, marriage is simply applying a name and a set of consequences to intangibles in the relationship. If that's comforting for you, GIDDAWNDOWN with your bad self, but don't throw the nose up at people who couldn't care less about titular reinforcement of an otherwise good relationship.

THANK YOU.