But why get married at all?

[James]

In todays society why should we get maried? Traditions aside?

Scenario: A man and woman are in love so they live together, treat each other well, have children and stay together as long as they can meet each others needs.

IF the relationship dissolves they go their seperate ways keeping what is in their own name. If a child is involved they make arrangements for it, or the courts will compel them to make arrangements for it.

So why marry? The tax breaks aren't that great. And in the event of divorce, the economic costs to the primary wage earner, usually the male, is disasterous.

In the cases where the femae is the primary wage earner, she can take a serious hit. Although that is unusual.

IT seems that the primary effect of mariage is to lock people into the relationship if it starts going sour, because usually people don't leave a great relationship.

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by James
IT seems that the primary effect of mariage is to lock people into the relationship if it starts going sour, because usually people don't leave a great relationship.

The primary purpose of divorce is to allow people out of relationship that they shouldn't stay in.

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by James

So why marry? The tax breaks aren't that great. And in the event of divorce, the economic costs to the primary wage earner, usually the male, is disasterous.

In the cases where the femae is the primary wage earner, she can take a serious hit. Although that is unusual.

In all fairness, I do somewhat agree with this. In the case of my parents, I feel my dad got an unfair wollop. On the other hand, the tax benefits ARE worth it. When you see the difference in what's taken out of a single filer's paycheck as opposed to married, you'll see it.
Aside from the emotional benefit and the religious obligation (for some) of marriage, I'd say that, traditionally, there are fewer benefits for men than for women. I'm not saying "Women need men to survive" or anything like that ('cause we all know that's not universally true). But in general, men are expected to pay alimony/ child support, even in cases where the ex-wife makes the same salary (or more). And it's less socially acceptable for a man to move in w/ family members after divorce than for women.

[valkyrie]

Since when are there tax breaks when you get married? When I was married, we paid more taxes than we paid while single. I think the only time there's really a tax break is if one spouse makes almost all or all of the money and the other spouse makes either nothing or very little -- I've read articles on the issue, but it's been a while and I don't remember the details.

[Nikki_DZ]

Tax breaks aren't bad (they're even better when you have a kid).

Many people, as romantic as this is, decide to get married for access to their partner's benefits. As expensive as good health insurance is these days, it's a legitimate reason.

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by Nikki_DZ
Tax breaks aren't bad (they're even better when you have a kid).

Many people, as romantic as this is, decide to get married for access to their partner's benefits. As expensive as good health insurance is these days, it's a legitimate reason.

I can think of worse reasons!

[Nikki_DZ]

Originally posted by swissmiss04
I can think of worse reasons!

I can't talk...Health insurance (my husband works for the government) was one of the main reasons we got married when we did. I didn't have any insurance (had left grad school and was working a crappy job) and had developed a medical condition. We planned on getting married in a few years, but sped up the process so I could get the best possible care.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Nikki_DZ
Many people, as romantic as this is, decide to get married for access to their partner's benefits. As expensive as good health insurance is these days, it's a legitimate reason.

Exactly! Also, I am a big fan of the legal protection that comes with a marriage or civil union. Most of my wishes, including orders not to rescusitate, form of interment, and organ donation are well-documented, so that's not really an issue; however, since my significant other would suffer the largest blow economically and emotionally from my death, I would also want him/her to be the beneficiary of my insurance policies. Some states do not recognize the rights of living-together partners as life insurance beneficiaries--they only do spouse/parent/child.

It's just a nice way of covering one's ass. It may not sound very romantic, but it's practical.

[AGDee]

I'm probably the most cynical person on this board regarding marriage but, there are some advantages (all financial):

Social Security: If you stay married the whole time and your partner kicks off, and they got more SSI than you, you get what they got.

Insurance: No denying that health/dental/vision is important.. it can be a good thing to be able to cover each other.

Medical Emergency: ICU often allows only immediate family in ICU and you wouldn't count as just an LTP (live together partner, what we called them when I worked in psych).

As for Life Insurance, you can name anybody you want to be your beneficiary. Some people name charities even. That doesn't really require you to be married. However, I can get life insurance for a spouse and for my kids through my work. I can't get it for an LTP.

Two incomes. It's tough to buy a house on one income. Since my last divorce, my standard of living has definitely needed to be adjusted. When I go on a medical leave, I'm living on significantly reduced pay, without the safety net of another income. If I get laid off, I'm a couple pay checks away from homeless (although I doubt my family would let that happen).

It is not my experience that men who make less pay more to the wife. Whoever is the non-custodial parent pays child support. In a joint custody situation (like mine), it is totally based on income. My ex pays me a very small amount per week, but if something changes and I make more money than him, I will have to pay him. I know women who pay child support. I don't anybody personally who gets alimony. I think it's becoming more rare. Studies have shown that divorced women experience a greater reduction in standard of living than divorced men. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but it's more commonly true than not.

I had a lot more money when I was married, but then again, I had no say in how it was spent! I have less now, but I get to decide what to do with it.

Overall, the financial benefits weren't worth what I had to put up with.

Dee

[Munchkin03]

I do know that there are some insurance policies--that only the custodial parent or grandparent can buy for a child, and they can be the only beneficiary. Policies like these were the ones I was discussing, not your run-of-the-mill policy. Hope I wasn't too obtuse and confusing; in fact I thought I was rather clear--hence why I said SOME.

[cashmoney]

There's a lot of reasons both emotionally and financially. Don't have time to get in to detail....but, depending on how you were raised, it's the right thing to do. I look at it like, if we're good enough to share finances, a house, kids and life in general with each other....there had better be some form of a binding commitment to each other in some way shape or form. If not, it causes a lot of problems in the grand scheme of things. Daddy bringing home a different female each night while mommy always has her lady friend hanging out isnt going to insure your kid will have a decent upbringing/out look on life.

[sairose]

Well, in many religions, since premarital sex is a no-no (including my own; I am church of Christ), marriage is the way to go, unless you never want to have sex.

Please note, I am not judging anyone else on this, I'm just stating that this is a big reason many marry instead of living together and having kids.

[SilverTurtle]

Originally posted by sairose
Well, in many religions, since premarital sex is a no-no (including my own; I am church of Christ), marriage is the way to go, unless you never want to have sex.

Please note, I am not judging anyone else on this, I'm just stating that this is a big reason many marry instead of living together and having kids.

Actually, I've seen a lot of "good church kids" marry young, and I think this has a lot to do with it. They want to have sex, but don't believe in it outside of marriage. Whether that's good or bad, I guess that's up to each individual to decide. Just an observation.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally posted by SilverTurtle
Actually, I've seen a lot of "good church kids" marry young, and I think this has a lot to do with it. They want to have sex, but don't believe in it outside of marriage. Whether that's good or bad, I guess that's up to each individual to decide. Just an observation.

But, these are also the same people who probably don't believe in divorce will probably try very hard to have their marriage work (and probably hold many of the same values, making them more compatible).

[_Opi_]

Originally posted by James
In todays society why should we get maried? Traditions aside?

A. You are married in the eye's of GOD
B. Permenant commitment to a partner
C. Encourages a monogomous (?sp) relationship
D. Creates a sense of family