After the Love is Gone Question!

[Lady2000]

Here's the deal...my best friend has just gotten out of a bad relationship. Actually, she has gotten out of a series of bad relationships starting about five years back. I told her that before she got into another relationship that she needed some HER time. She asked me what she was supposed to do durning this time and I told her work on her self-esteem, other goals, etc. She then asks me how do to work on these things. I had the hardest time coming up with something to tell her because everyone handles their problems differently. My question is after you have been hurt so much how do you use the ME time effectively??

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by Lady2000
Here's the deal...my best friend has just gotten out of a bad relationship. Actually, she has gotten out of a series of bad relationships starting about five years back. I told her that before she got into another relationship that she needed some HER time. She asked me what she was supposed to do durning this time and I told her work on her self-esteem, other goals, etc. She then asks me how do to work on these things. I had the hardest time coming up with something to tell her because everyone handles their problems differently. My question is after you have been hurt so much how do you use the ME time effectively??

Hi Lady2000,

One thing she could so duing this HER time, is learn who she is in Christ - whom is the source of our self worth and self-esteem. I would recommend that she purchases a Women's Devotional Bible as a start. This will help her to discover the reasons why she currently is the way she is and get her started on changing for the better.

Another things she could do is to help others (by volunteering somewhere). As simple as that sounds, in helping other people we usually discover something about ourselves that before we thought didn't exist.

Now although, I don't know your friend personally, I am a big advocate on people getting professional counseling (I think its still taboo in our community) because sometimes there are things that can't be fixed with a self help book or new hair style.

~Hmmm, let me of some more things and I will post them later ~

[stardusttwin]

I have to agree with Honeykiss...

I went through ALL of the Iyanla books, workbooks, Dr. Phil books and John Gray, meditated with the Conversations with God series and I'm sure if I go through my bookcase there are a ton more. While they were all helpful in their own ways it was only after I found and started attending a new church that encouraged studying the bible for oneself was I able to find my own center again.

But if your friend is not at the "space" yet to accept God as the answer then the Iyanla book (don't remember full name-it takes 40 days) is a start for self reflection.

I also agree that community service is a great way to put things into perspective.

[LadySunshine]

I have to agree with all of the responses above and just add that sometimes it can help to just talk to a really good friend. Ask a really good friend if you can just talk to her about some problems. Tell her that she doesn't have to reply or try to come up with a solution to your problem but that you just want them to listen and be supportive. It may sound strange but we all like to hear the sound of our own voice sometimes (well at least I do), and by talking to a friend you can realize some of the pent up hurt by actually saying something someone did hurt you. I think when you speak the though process is different than if you think about something and you will probably immediately feel a release of at least some of the emotion. I hope this was helpful and I will be praying for your friend.

[Lady2000]

Thank you all for your responses, they are a big help to me!