Non-Greek Friend Advice...

[josh8o]

ok, so i really need some advice...

sicne i first came to sdsu i had a friend from the dorms names Allison. she was my best friend through college, and no matter what we always were there for each other. There were times when she thought i was too involved with my fraternity and that i put her and the rest of my life second to Phi Psi, but she was my date to our only formal in vegas and other date dances and parties. Anyway, to make a long story short the middle of this past spring semester she found out that she was going to be moving to England after graduation for her career in the Airforce. We even made stupid plans on how to get me a job there too so we didnt have to be separated. Not long after she started getting a little psycho...cutting friends out of her life...causing drama...and not being the Allison i had come to think was my soulmate as a best friend. When she stoped speaking to me, and completely cut me off i was hurt, lost, and confused. Through everything i have gone through since the last time we talked you would know that i needed her as a friend a lot. arround the time she was to move to England i sent her phone a text wishing her good luck, and saying goodbye. She responded 2 days later telling me she was in vegas and thinking about me. anyway... today i get an email from her...and it goes like this:

"I was looking through a cd album I made a long time ago and I came across this picture. It almost brought me to tears... I wanted to share with you one of the many wonderful and happy memories that I have of us. I dont know where you are or what you are doing... but I hope that whatever it is-- that you are happy with yourself and your life. I wish only the best for you and your future.
I love you.
Al"

the picture was of from a party at Phi Psi where we dressed up a "business pimps." there was no theme to the party...but Allison and i decided it would be more fun.
so my delema is this: part of me wants to write back and tell her how i had to hold back a few tears at work this morning when i read it, and that i miss her so much. that i never thought i could have had such a big piece of me gone when she left. and the other part of me wants to tell her that she does not deserve to have wonderful memories of a friendship she treminated for reasons i never knew. There is also a part of me that wants to delete the email and act as if it never arrived. leave her to wonder about the friend she lost....just the way i did when she cut me off.

So what do i do?

[Kevin]

I'm in no way qualified to answer your questions. But here goes anyhow...

There is merit to each of those things.

If you value the relationship and ever have hope of it being repaired, you should obviously reply -- tell her how you feel though. It wouldn't hurt to open the door to serious conversation about how she basically cut you off. Let her know that friendship isn't something that occurs at the convenience of the parties involved. Just because you may have become an inconvenient friend was not a good enough reason for her to cease communications with you.

And there is merit to just saying f-it and moving on with your life. Sounds like y'all had something great, but it is either in the past, or it isn't -- the question of whether or not it's in the past I think is the most crucial part of your response.

[wrigley]

ktsnake has a point if you feel that it's not worth it since ties were cut by her. It's sounds like you've already moved on despite the void she left in your life.

On the other hand, she obviously was going through something big in her life. It was to a point that her personality changed and I'm sure you're not the only one who noticed this. For whatever reason she felt that she couldn't share what was going on with you. If you want to reestablish contact do so but be cautious. Ask the hard questions and find out what was going on so you can have closure. With her telling you her side of things, it will fill the pieces to the puzzlement that you felt. Also let her know how her silence affected you.

I don't think she took the friendship as a convenience. Sometimes situations or events happen and you can't let the people closest to you know what goes on as quickly as you would like. I'm not saying what she did was right. I doubt she's had an easy time either.