Wedding question

KappaKittyCat · #1 08-03-2004, 12:08 PM

Does anyone know how long before the wedding a bride has to turn in a final head-count to the caterer? I'm currently a yes RSVP for a wedding that I'm not too wild about attending. It's on Saturday. If I let the bride know today, would it be too late for her to talk to the caterer and remove two from the head-count?

Shima-Mizu · #2 08-03-2004, 12:16 PM

According to here:

http://www.yourweddingcompany.com/in...ndar/planId/5/

You're supposed to confirm 1 week in advance. This may differe depending on what caterer you have though.

KSigkid · #3 08-03-2004, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
Does anyone know how long before the wedding a bride has to turn in a final head-count to the caterer? I'm currently a yes RSVP for a wedding that I'm not too wild about attending. It's on Saturday. If I let the bride know today, would it be too late for her to talk to the caterer and remove two from the head-count?

I believe so...from my understanding (my fiancee and I are in the process of planning a wedding), a guest list has to be sent as far enough ahead as possible, as reception sites need plate counts.

Chances are your friend will be charged for you and your date.

Eclipse · #4 08-03-2004, 01:28 PM

My experience with planning my wedding and large corporate dinners is that caterers need a general idea of the numbers and an exact figure 72 hours before the event. The only stipulation is that there is not a big difference in the numbers. If you guarentee 250 2 weeks before, there is no problem saying the exact number is 245 72 hours out and only paying for 245. You would probably be stuck paying for the larger amount if you tried to say 200 instead of 250 though.

That being said, unless there is a major illness, death or some other true emergency, I think it is rude to cancel a wedding at this late date. The Bride is probably already stressed, and canceling not only means another call to the caterer, but possibly changes in seating charts and other things that could be a big headache. I would say go and then leave after dinner at the reception.

winneythepooh7 · #5 08-03-2004, 01:37 PM

I would try to give as much notice as possible. A friend of mine cancelled her plans to attend a wedding at the last minute because she had to take an exam to get into medical school (that she knew about for awhile). It created lots of problems between her and the friend (in fact I don't think they really speak anymore). I think that if you are not crazy about attending the wedding, it is rude to respond yes in the first place. Weddings are expensive and it is my understanding that a lot of places will charge you whether or not the person attends. So if you get 5 or 6 people (or more) cancelling at the last minute at 50-100 a plate, that really adds up. It's one thing if a true emergency arises but if you know ahead a time that you didn't really want to come and did this to me, I would be super pissed, but that is just me too.

KappaKittyCat · #6 08-03-2004, 02:03 PM

Winneythepooh7, I was supposed to be in the wedding party, but the bride fired me two weeks ago and replaced me with a different friend that she'd rather have as her maid of honor. She said some pretty mean things to me, too. I've tried to talk to her, but she "can't deal with me right now." So when I RSVPed back in May, I was planning on being there. Now I'm not so sure whether I really want to go, especially if it's going to be a hostile environment.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #7 08-03-2004, 02:06 PM

Try to talk to her again. She's got the wedding as an "excuse" for being stressed.

If she blows you off again, don't go.

winneythepooh7 · #8 08-03-2004, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
Winneythepooh7, I was supposed to be in the wedding party, but the bride fired me two weeks ago and replaced me with a different friend that she'd rather have as her maid of honor. She said some pretty mean things to me, too. I've tried to talk to her, but she "can't deal with me right now." So when I RSVPed back in May, I was planning on being there. Now I'm not so sure whether I really want to go, especially if it's going to be a hostile environment.

Oh WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! In that case, I would not go!!!! That is horrible!!!!!

seraphimsprite · #9 08-03-2004, 02:18 PM

When I got married, we had to have the final headcount in three days before the wedding. And we were still charged for the five no-shows.

I would go to the wedding. I still regret not going to a wedding of a friend three years ago because of a stupid argument. People do really stupid stuff when they're getting married. Don't get me wrong, what she did was really crappy, but I'd be the bigger person here and at least show up. If its hostile, you can always leave.

SSS1365 · #10 08-03-2004, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Try to talk to her again. She's got the wedding as an "excuse" for being stressed.

If she blows you off again, don't go.

Ditto.

Although if it were me, I'd probably just not go and not even bother telling her I wasn't going to. I know, it's horrible and vindictive of me, but then lots of people say yes and then don't show up even if they're not mad at anyone.

33girl · #11 08-03-2004, 02:35 PM

Is there open bar? Is there a cookie table? If so, go.

kddani · #12 08-03-2004, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Is there open bar? Is there a cookie table? If so, go.

so many people do not understand the joy of the cookie table.

kappaloo · #13 08-03-2004, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Is there open bar? Is there a cookie table? If so, go.

Exactly. I'm of the mind that if you're going to cost her money, might as well enjoy it! Open bar will ensure you have a good time, and the cookie table will just top it off!

wrigley · #14 08-03-2004, 04:07 PM

KittyKat did you already purchase the dress, shoes, etc. as maid of honor before she dropped you? I hope you were able to get some of your monies back.

Unless it's open bar, don't go. Bridezilla deserves to be hit where it hurts most : the pocketbook. On her wedding day she'll be too busy to notice if you're there or not.

She's not in a state of mind to be talked to about whatever it is that happened between the two of you. I'd wait until after they get back from the honeymoon to see if you still want to save the friendship.

#15 08-03-2004, 04:11 PM

I'd leave the two plates in... if you decide not to go, she'll probably have a few people that bring "uninvited guests" that will be able to take up your meals.

Try to go, though. I just had to "fire" one of my attendants (though that was 3 months before the wedding, and because he wasn't doing the things he needed to get done) and I'd be disappointed if he didn't come. Your situation is a little more severe... I can't imagine trying to replace someone with only a few weeks to go!, but it may damage your friendship more if you don't go to the wedding.

Stick it out, have a free meal and some free drinks, grin, and bear it.