Losing the spark?

[surfngurl]

I was just wondering if anyone else in a long term relationship has wondered if their relationship was normal? I mean after a year or more what is it supposed to be like? You know how at first everything is new and exciting... well when you're so used to each other and going out to dinner or the movies seems so monotonous, is it supposed to be that way? I still adore him and our "private" life is great, it's just all the other things that are leaving me feeling domesticated. We make dinner alot and do all those other homely type things. He's older than me so maybe that's what's making the difference (18 and he's 23). Does everyone feel like this eventually and what kind of things can you do to... not feel boring.

[AKA_Monet]

Nothing that a spin move won't solve...

[erniegurl00]

It's still normal. I've been in a series of long term relationships, and in all of them I experienced the same things. I have been with my boyfriend now for about 3 1/2 years, and after awhile it does loose that "spark". BUT, it should be replaced with something else. It's hard to explain, but it's more than just feeling comfortable with your bf. It's a deeper feeling of love. It's a bad sign if you start to become bored with your bf.

You just have to do things from time to time to spice it up. Do something different from the routine. Go hiking. Go to a nice restaurant, etc. My bf and I are the homey type as well, but we try to go out on occasion to keep things new and fresh.

I hope this helps ease your nerves a little. I know how much it can freak you out.

[astroAPhi]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and we're kinda "domesticated". We just spend a lot of time chilling. Most of it is because once we stopped living on campus, going out and doing stuff became expensive. So we starting cooking together and renting movies. Also if you start spending a lot of time at one person's place, it feels kinda like "playing house", and it's easy to get that domesticated feeling. We try going out once a week during the summer and we hang out with friends a lot on weekends during the school year.

It's good to have some spice in your relationship, but if you can't just sit down and chill with that person, you're not going to be very successful.

[valkyrie]

IMHO, 18 is too young to be bored in a relationship. When you're young, it's good to just have fun rather than be sitting at home bored.

[BabyP]

go to a club - get some single friends - they are so entertaining with their drama lol

[phimuandfries]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I am constantly complaining that we don't do anything fun/new anymore! When I complain he says "You wanna go get some ice cream/candy/any food that will make you quit talking for about 20 minutes?" and I am happy as can be.
But when I first started thinking that there is nothing left to do with this boy I found that book "All About Us". It has all these questions that you ask each other about the relationship, your future, random stuff. Anyways, we got the book and we started going through it (he hates it, but he deals), and (i think) it is really fun. It isn't a book you can really do with a guy you haven't been with long because some stuff is kinda personal. I think when the spark starts to fade it is a good time to really get to know each other.
There is nothing wrong with being bored though. It just means you have to try harder to find new stuff to do.

[surfngurl]

It's not that I'm bored with him... I do feel that difference, that closeness and being so comfortable with each other. Thanks for reminding me about that It's that domesticated feeling that's really bothering me

[Kevin]

Originally posted by valkyrie
IMHO, 18 is too young to be bored in a relationship. When you're young, it's good to just have fun rather than be sitting at home bored.

Agreed. Maybe where you are isn't where you need to be at 18.

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by surfngurl
I was just wondering if anyone else in a long term relationship has wondered if their relationship was normal? I mean after a year or more what is it supposed to be like? You know how at first everything is new and exciting... well when you're so used to each other and going out to dinner or the movies seems so monotonous, is it supposed to be that way? I still adore him and our "private" life is great, it's just all the other things that are leaving me feeling domesticated. We make dinner alot and do all those other homely type things. He's older than me so maybe that's what's making the difference (18 and he's 23). Does everyone feel like this eventually and what kind of things can you do to... not feel boring.

Yo, shit isnt going to work with you being 18 and he being 23. It's only going to get worse. No offense, but I'm wondering what the hell he's doing dating an 18 yr old.

[smiley21]

Originally posted by cashmoney
Yo, shit isnt going to work with you being 18 and he being 23. It's only going to get worse. No offense, but I'm wondering what the hell he's doing dating an 18 yr old.

why? it is not like it is illegal

[ZTAngel]

Originally posted by smiley21
why? it is not like it is illegal

Legally, it's ok but I personally believe that there is a HUGE difference between an 18 year old and a 23 year old. A lot happens in those 5 years. I can look back at myself at 18 and I'm certainly not the same person now at 23 that I was then. Back then, I was fresh out of HS and all into partying, doing sorority stuff, and enjoying the college life. At 23, I have a full time job with a whole bunch of responsibilities that I had no clue about at 18 (I didn't know about medical insurance co-payments, car insurance premiums, or a 401K at 18!!!). While I still like to go out and have fun, it's usually confined to the weekends or the occasional Happy Hour on Thursday nights where I have to force myself to go to work on Friday morning with a painful headache. There are so many life lessons you learn during those 5 years which really makes a huge difference between an 18 and 23 year old. I feel that a 23 and 28 year old would be ok because they're pretty much at the same stage in their life. Also, I recommend that people spend their younger college years dating around because there will be no other time in your life where you're around a whole bunch of people you're own age that can become your "dating circle".
I'm not trying to put down your relationship, surfngurl. If you enjoy doing more "stay at home" things, that's fine. But, I'm guessing that because you're young that you still want to go out and have fun.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now and I still have a lot of fun with him. We still go out and hit the bars together. Dinner and the movies is still exciting. But, at the same time, we're the same age so that could be the difference.

[smiley21]

Originally posted by ZTAngel
Legally, it's ok but I personally believe that there is a HUGE difference between an 18 year old and a 23 year old. A lot happens in those 5 years. I can look back at myself at 18 and I'm certainly not the same person now at 23 that I was then. Back then, I was fresh out of HS and all into partying, doing sorority stuff, and enjoying the college life. At 23, I have a full time job with a whole bunch of responsibilities that I had no clue about at 18 (I didn't know about medical insurance co-payments, car insurance premiums, or a 401K at 18!!!). While I still like to go out and have fun, it's usually confined to the weekends or the occasional Happy Hour on Thursday nights where I have to force myself to go to work on Friday morning with a painful headache. There are so many life lessons you learn during those 5 years which really makes a huge difference between an 18 and 23 year old. I feel that a 23 and 28 year old would be ok because they're pretty much at the same stage in their life. Also, I recommend that people spend their younger college years dating around because there will be no other time in your life where you're around a whole bunch of people you're own age that can become your "dating circle".
I'm not trying to put down your relationship, surfngurl. If you enjoy doing more "stay at home" things, that's fine. But, I'm guessing that because you're young that you still want to go out and have fun.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now and I still have a lot of fun with him. We still go out and hit the bars together. Dinner and the movies is still exciting. But, at the same time, we're the same age so that could be the difference.

yeah, i know about all that. it was not what i meant. in general, if the girl is 18 and the boy is 23, age does not always need to be a problem. not all 23 year olds are thinking about 401k and whatnot.
i have said it before and i will say it again- i am 22 and my bf is 28. when i first met him three years ago, age was an issue. but we got passed it. mainly due to the fact the i am much older at 22 than i was 19.
all in all, age does not have to end the relationship. if the two people can handle it, then great. but at the same time, people have to realize that it might be best for them to date someone their own age

[surfngurl]

I can see where you all are coming from... I'm actualy turning 19 at the end of the month not that it makes that big of a difference, but age has only come up in our relationship when I can't go with him to bars or clubs b/c they're 21 and up. Without out sounding to weird, I'm a very mature 18 yearold. Age has never been and issue we fight over in part that we almost never fight. We compliment each other very well, and yes it's true we are a different stages in our lives but both of us have been willing to make it work. And he's not one of those creepy older guys who date younger girls... he just happened to fall for someone younger than him. And it's working pretty well... except that domesticated feeling is kind of creeping me out. It's nice but at the same time it feels a little weird.

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by smiley21
yeah, i know about all that. it was not what i meant. in general, if the girl is 18 and the boy is 23, age does not always need to be a problem. not all 23 year olds are thinking about 401k and whatnot.
i have said it before and i will say it again- i am 22 and my bf is 28. when i first met him three years ago, age was an issue. but we got passed it. mainly due to the fact the i am much older at 22 than i was 19.
all in all, age does not have to end the relationship. if the two people can handle it, then great. but at the same time, people have to realize that it might be best for them to date someone their own age

Daaaaaammmnnnn, he's 28 and you're 22? And you havent even had sex with this guy yet?