Dead-End Relationships

CASIGKAP · #1 08-01-2004, 01:13 PM

Have you ever been in one? I've been with my guy for 6 years & it's been great. I am still crazy for the guy however, lately, it seems that b/c he already graduated from college, he has absolutely no plans for the future. He once snapped that I was pushing him too hard. We used to talk about it all the time & now, he flat out said that he thinks I'm waiting around to get married. He has never been so cruel before & I was royally pissed. He later apologized but I'm starting to wonder where this is going? Is it normal for recent college grads to just not want to think about the future or do anything? HELP!

adpiucf · #2 08-01-2004, 01:29 PM

CASIGKAP,

He's probably stressed about the future--- getting that first job/into grad school/etc and marriage is too much of a "grown up" thing to even contemplate. I'd have a heart-to-heart with him--- apologize for pressuring him and remind him that you love him and support him, and you're here for him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Graduation and post-graduation are stressful--- you've grown accustomed to the "Virtual Reality" of college, and now you're expected to be a grown-up living in the real world-- jobs, car payments, a house, maybe grad school, marriage and babies. It is a very frightening prospect-- childhood and the bubble of college are gone.

Just because college is ending doesn't mean you need to have all of those things... unless of course, marriage is your top and only priority. In that case, you need to get out of this relationship and find someone who is ready for that lifetime committment. But as someone who has been out of school for a few years, my best advice to you is to enjoy this time as a recent grad. These experiences will shape you tremendously and you can determine if your sweetheart really is "the one."

Munchkin03 · #3 08-01-2004, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
he flat out said that he thinks I'm waiting around to get married.

Would you really want to be with someone who feels that way about you?

If he's feeling pressure to get married, then there can be nothing but problems.

If he's not, and is just using it as a reason to vent, then there can be nothing but problems.

#4 08-01-2004, 03:12 PM

Yup, they're not very productive when you look back on them either. It's difficult to find someone that has the same amount of ambition as myself but also, at the same time, be able to relax and not stress out...

CASIGKAP · #5 08-01-2004, 11:58 PM

I have plans for my immediate future & getting married has never really been a priority. At least not for the forseeable future so I have no idea where he got this idea from. I think the issue stems from the fact that within the last 2 years, my best friend got married & is starting a family, my sister just had a baby, his cousin that's a few months older than him got married & had a baby, his other cousin (who's one of his closest friends) just got engaged & will be getting married next year. I think he feels that b/c they all are doing it, I want to too. Definitely not true.

_Lisa_ · #6 08-02-2004, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
I think he feels that b/c they all are doing it, I want to too. Definitely not true.

Or maybe its him that feels the pressure to get married and he is taking it out on you?

Honestly, as long as he isn't living off of your dime, if he doesn't want to jump start his career right now I wouldn't worry about it. Let him have his time away from work/school. Letting him do it on his own time is crucial and you'll get to see how really motivated he is on his own. If he never gets that job you may consider moving on.

But if you are supporting him you might just want to mention it to him that you can't support him by yourself and that a little help in the job department might be necessary. You could explain that you aren't trying to force him into a career you just need some financial help.

CASIGKAP · #7 08-02-2004, 12:22 PM

I do not support him financially. I never have. He makes plenty of $$$. He makes more money than any 24 year old should be making but he has helped me out on a few ocassions but I've always paid him back b/c I don't want to have any debts to anyone. I don't like that. He did help buy my car 3 years ago but he insisted it was a birthday and Valentines Day gift so I had to let that one go.

He has a job but he's definitely unhappy there. However, a job opening up at the end of the year that he definitley wants & he has an awesome chance of getting it so he's biding his time at his current job until he can finally quit & get the new one.

cashmoney · #8 08-03-2004, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
Have you ever been in one? I've been with my guy for 6 years & it's been great. I am still crazy for the guy however, lately, it seems that b/c he already graduated from college, he has absolutely no plans for the future. He once snapped that I was pushing him too hard. We used to talk about it all the time & now, he flat out said that he thinks I'm waiting around to get married. He has never been so cruel before & I was royally pissed. He later apologized but I'm starting to wonder where this is going? Is it normal for recent college grads to just not want to think about the future or do anything? HELP!

He's just stressed...believe me, its a big transformation when you finish college to the way the real world works. Let him get all this shit out of his system. Most people I know who've grad'd from college kept on working their bartending job/waitress job for about 6 months to a yr after they finished college. Give him time, he'll come around.

CASIGKAP · #9 08-03-2004, 07:57 PM

You guys are likely right. I've decided to just lay off & take it one day at a time. I will not push nor will I nag about what his plans are. I'll let you all know what's happening!