Policy on wedding gifts

James · #1 08-29-2004, 03:01 AM

Whats the rule kids? Does Emily Post have an opinion on this?

My general rule of thumb is that my gift should exceed the price of my place at the reception.

I think cash is appropriate, they can buy what they want with it.

So figure over a hundred dollars.

If everyone did that, the wedding would be almost paid for completely

winneythepooh7 · #2 08-29-2004, 07:53 AM

I agree. I give at least $100. If it was a really close friend or a family member, I would probably give at least twice that. When I was in my sorority sister's wedding though, I bought her a nice piece of jewelry instead since I had already paid so much for the wedding, and her and her husband already had a ton of stuff for their home. It all balances out, I think. Granted there are people who are cheap but...............

AlphaFrog · #3 08-29-2004, 09:13 AM

I think one of the most appriciated gifts I ever gave was to go through the registry and get all the little items...wooden spoons, egg slicer, cheese grater, ladle, etc... It all added up to a nice figure, but it's the stuff that they probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise because it was all $1-$5. It made a nice gift basket though....

BabyP · #4 08-29-2004, 01:05 PM

a hundred or so. Depending how close you are to them. But you can buy something expensive on a sale and its still appreciated!! Check bloomingdales they sometimes have sales online which are FAB wedding gifts....so beautiful but they go fast too! I hate when I go to cheap weddings and all the cheap stuff is bought BY the family of the bride/groom!!! Hello.....Family should spend more or have some heirlooms or something to pass on...... In my culture its gold/money.......

valkyrie · #5 08-29-2004, 01:45 PM

How much I spend at a wedding depends on how much money I have at the time and how close I am to the people (I've never known how much my food at the reception cost, so I wouldn't base my gift amount on that). I think that in most cases, around $100 is reasonable, although at weddings I've attended, $100 times the number of guests wouldn't come near to paying for the wedding.

Personally, I would never give cash as a gift, but plenty of people do. I always buy off the registry if there is one, because couples often go to a lot of trouble to register for gifts, and I'd much rather get them something they want than something I think is really cool and they might not like.

Also, it's one of the most common misconceptions in the world that you have a year after the wedding to send a gift. That's just not true, and the bride and groom do not have a year to send thank you notes. I think it's best to send the gift to the couple before the wedding, so they don't have the inconvenience of dealing with gifts at the actual wedding.

#6 08-29-2004, 02:21 PM

there is a post similar to this but as i said in that one as well...

for a typical wedding gift i spent $50 ; for close friends i spend $100 to $150 for a gift

James · #7 08-29-2004, 02:35 PM

Is it tacky to give cash?

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie

Personally, I would never give cash as a gift, but plenty of people do. I always buy off the registry if there is one, because couples often go to a lot of trouble to register for gifts, and I'd much rather get them something they want than something I think is really cool and they might not like.

.

valkyrie · #8 08-29-2004, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Is it tacky to give cash?

I don't know anybody who thinks it's tacky, I just don't like it. I'm not sure if it's considered tacky elsewhere though.

USFSDTAlum · #9 08-29-2004, 02:48 PM

It is not tacky to give cash, but it is considered tacky to ASK for cash. I would imagine a gift should be based on how close you are to the bride/groom and how comfortable you are with money. There is no way even for my Best Friend I would spend XYZ simply b/c that is what they spent on my plate. People should not feel obligated to buy expensive presents. The wedding celebration historically is not about milking your guests for all its worth. Especially people in their early to mid 20's should not feel obligated to spend $100 or more on a wedding present when they are making very little money. Most polite people realize this when registering and find things across many price levels.
Also, according to etiquette, guests have a year post-wedding to send their gift. Especially if the wedding was out of town and they incured additional costs to be able to attend. The couple must send out thank-you within two weeks of their WEDDING (not return from honeymoon) again according to good etiquette.

Taualumna · #10 08-29-2004, 03:07 PM

Cash is tacky to some, but totally appropriate to others. In some cultures, cash is the preferred item to give. Chinese weddings don't always have gifts and registries (unless they are western born/raised), and lai-see (money in red envelopes, the same thing one gives out during New Year's) is the preferred item. As for actual gifts, I agree with other posters that the amount you spend should be based on your relationship with the bride and/or groom. If the bride is say, your best friend since you two were babies, then by all means spend more than if you have only known her for, say 2 years (and aren't very close).

Peaches-n-Cream · #11 08-29-2004, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't know anybody who thinks it's tacky, I just don't like it. I'm not sure if it's considered tacky elsewhere though.

I am exactly the same way. I don't like to give cash as a gift so I buy a gift from the registry.

CrimsonTide4 · #12 08-29-2004, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Is it tacky to give cash?

One of the last weddings I went to I did not know where they were registered, plus they had been together for a while so I got them a gift card to a department store. Reasoning at the time was their 2nd child was due in 4 months so they could use it for the child or for maternity clothes or a gift for the couple.

I don't want to give cash so I give gift cards. Technically the same thing though.

Rudey · #13 08-29-2004, 06:51 PM

I'd try and think about how much me and the groom and the other dudes spent on Thai hookers and Mexican drinks and then I would divide that by the number of guys there and give somethign worth that much.

-Rudey

honeychile · #14 08-29-2004, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
How much I spend at a wedding depends on how much money I have at the time and how close I am to the people (I've never known how much my food at the reception cost, so I wouldn't base my gift amount on that). I think that in most cases, around $100 is reasonable, although at weddings I've attended, $100 times the number of guests wouldn't come near to paying for the wedding.

Personally, I would never give cash as a gift, but plenty of people do. I always buy off the registry if there is one, because couples often go to a lot of trouble to register for gifts, and I'd much rather get them something they want than something I think is really cool and they might not like.

Also, it's one of the most common misconceptions in the world that you have a year after the wedding to send a gift. That's just not true, and the bride and groom do not have a year to send thank you notes. I think it's best to send the gift to the couple before the wedding, so they don't have the inconvenience of dealing with gifts at the actual wedding.

Cosign, cosign, cosign!!!

When I got married, most of the gifts were sent to the house prior to the wedding. I was able to have most of my thank you notes written prior to the wedding! Plus, when you bring a gift (other than cash/check), it puts the burden on someone in the family to haul said gifts back to the home.

Cash isn't tacky, but it should NEVER be considered as a "payment for services rendered", ie: dinner, dance, decorations, etc.

adpiucf · #15 08-29-2004, 09:02 PM

What about sending the gift to the bride/groom's home, but bringing a card to the reception? I tend to do that.

Also, what about the little "additionals"??

I end up being invited to multiple showers and parties for engaged friends and then there is the wedding gift on top of it all!

How much should I spend? I'm not wealthy, and I know I tend to overdo it, given my budget, but I want to share in everything and be as generous as possible!

One of my favorite gifts to give at an engagement party is to take a few bottles of decent wine, add a bag of unpopped microwave popcorn and a Blockbuster gift card, and put them in a nice basket with a ribbon (on a bed of raffia, naturally) and make a little place card called "Newlywed's Date Night." It's fairly inexpensive to pull off and always appreciated as a very creative and thoughtful gift!